Curiosity..

LittleMissVixen410 · Apr 19, 2014

I never said any of you were immoral, bad people, or had anything other than a disease - I said my personal morals and how I feel about my license and career may be different than others. I know being an addict is not a choice, by all means, so before I get more replies telling me how I am uneducated on addiction and recovery know that I'm not saying it like I feel it's a choice. I am not judging any of you for being addicts, I understand you have a disease and it's a struggle and it's not something you just decided one day you were going to do.

I was asking a question, an honest question, and I got a diagnosis instead. I can assure you, I do not have an addiction. I do no think about my next pill or count down the seconds until I can have it, I take them when I am in pain I can't bare, and that is it. I realize this is a recovery forum, but, where else would have been a good topic to post my question under than that of one that had actual issues with the BON and things? I figured you all would be the most informed, and honestly the least judgmental of anyone else I could ask in a forum. You are very eager to cast me as an addict - when you've never met me, you don't know my diagnosis, you don't know my pain regime (hell, for all you know when I say I take a "lot" of pain medication, that could mean to me I take 6 Ibuprofen, a Fentyl Patch and 1-2 Lortab a day for breakthrough). If that's what I was taking, would you assume it was addiction at that point? That's a LOT of medication to some people.

All I asked for was an answer to a question - not to be accused of being an addict, so yes, while I value your insights, I also find it insulting and rude considering you don't know my full situation and I just wanted to understand how that aspect of the nursing profession worked.

I am also well aware of how people divert medications (I've seen in at another facility I've worked at); however, on the unit I work on currently, you have to have two people administer narcotics or controlled substances at ANY time. If you have any open packages, prefilled syringes, etc. the nurse (and it must be the Charge Nurse, Clinical Educator, or Manager - not just another RN) will not and can not sign off on it and is forced to report you. It apparently has been an issue years ago on our unit and they corrected that. I can not think of how you can divert medications in a situation like that. Before they let you pass any medication on our unit, you must pass 3 tests involving how to administer regular vs controlled medications. Any discrepancies and that is an automatic written warning (you can have 2 total) or immediate termination. It's extremely strict on my unit.

Overall, I feel very sad that I have to defend myself and explain why I am asking a question about something I'm uneducated about in regards to the BON. I should not have been diagnosed or labeled by asking a legitimate question.

newmommy26 · Apr 19, 2014

I am sorry you feel judged. I would really urge you to ask these questions to your nurse manager and supervisor. If you absolutley do not have a problem you should not feel like you will lose anything by simply asking the question of your job or even the BON. They will provide you with the answers you are seeking that we are not answering for you. Since you are not an addict you can ask these questions on other forums as well, but again your answers will only truly come from your state BON and your nurse managers. Lots of luck.

Ahseepnwithpassion · Apr 20, 2014

Hello All

To the person posting. As an addict seeking a daily reprieve for recovery, I can tell you from my own experience that I get the same questions from people in the fellowship. Have gotten questions from both sides. The questions our fellow posters have posed as well as your own. My how hard that is to deal with. What I want to say to you is this

To thine own self be TRUE

But for the grace of my higher power which I choose to call God

I can't save my face and my a.. at the same time

Recovery is serious. This is about our lives!

The boards of nursing are ONLY concerned with protecting the public

An addict, any addict, can stop using, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live

Best of luck to you OP. you may or may not want to keep us posted, but if you ever feel you need some support we are here.

Trauma Columnist · Apr 20, 2014

while our members are exceedingly open about their issues some questions come across as intrusive addiction is a disease and a deeply personal one at that.

as to taking narcotics while working at least IL it is not allowed

LittleMissVixen410 · Apr 20, 2014

Thank you to the posters who have given actual advice. I truly appreciate your responses. I have called my BON and was given the answer I was looking for originally.

june2009 · Apr 21, 2014

A woman in my nurses group was taking narcotics for chronic pain. They were prescribed and taken as directed. Someone saw it in her purse and reported her. Now she is in PHMP. I sponsored her for a little while and I don't believe she was an addict at all. PA BON says she is though...

1sttime · Apr 22, 2014

I will answer the questions:

1. Did you have addictions prior to nursing, or were there diversion situations that created or propelled your addiction?

When I entered nursing I had no addictions to mood altering substances: no coffee- no alcohol- no drugs. I was introduced to opiates by an MD who overprescribed to many patients. He told me that opiates were necessary to treat my condition.

What propelled my addiction was the culture of drugs at my hospital- wastes were not really witnessed. And it was acceptable (Culturally) for nurses to take ibuprofen or zofran (most common) from the pyxis. It was an easy jump for me to make in my impaired state (opiates) that I was still having pain and taking the waste medications was not wrong as it was legitimate medicine for my condition. This definitely propelled my addiction.

2. Did it get to the point where it impaired your job and thinking, or did you feel guilty and self-report?

I did not think that I was impaired; I worked in a high stress environment- the day before I was confronted I was able to get an IV in a patient who had been come in via life flight (2 anesthesiologists and the life flight nurse could not start an IV on this patient). It was evidence like this that I thought meant I was performing at a very high level.

However when I took cognitive tests (At my initial assessment and 1 year later) I was shocked to see the comparison- I was definitely impaired. I can really feel a difference now about 2.5 years later.

3. Were you ever caught diverting, etc?

I was caught diverting- another nurse had a funny feeling about me and asked the charge nurse. At first the charge nurse dismissed the thought, but checked the pyxis record.

I agree with you about the off topic responses; they are well meaning but can seem like attacks. I would warn you as a person who was on legitimate opiates to be very cautious- it is easy to let your guard down when you are dealing with a lot of narcotics in practice (They become as common as tylenol).

I also agree with the other respondents that you can never say never- coming from someone who did not even have a taste of alcohol until I was 21, and didn't drink (I didn't enjoy the taste when I was 21, so I never started). I am socially in a community where drinking and drug use is accepted- and I never got caught up in that either. I used to think I had strong boundaries, somehow opiates let me cross the line.

Another aside, In my state even using legitimate prescriptions while on duty is considered impaired. I know this is not the standard practice of people- but it is how the board sees it.

Tigerboy1 · Apr 24, 2014

To the lady with chronic pain issues let me just say that your defensiveness speaks louder than words. Once you report maybe you can find someone who can really help you with your addiction because that is truly and clearly your issue. I've been through all of the BON stuff and honestly I don't believe they will allow you to practice. Best of luck...

1sttime · Apr 24, 2014

Why are so many people so eager to push this person into admitting she is an addict. We all know that she will have to come to terms with her own life in time. People are making snap judgements based on an internet post instead of just answering her questions.

If you had just answered in a nonjudgmental way she might have followed up with "hmm, that sounds like me, maybe I should get some help"- instead she has put up her defenses.

LittleMissVixen410 · Apr 24, 2014

I love that anyone with validated pain that has taken a narcotic that's prescribed to them AS prescribed and nothing more is deemed an addict immediately. It's the internet, I could easily tell you all I have an addiction if that's what it is without repercussions - none of you know me. I could tell you all day long without fear of anyone finding out or having to be honest with anyone in my real life that I shoot Dilaudid and snort Oxy. However, that's not the case.

For all of you so desperate to call me an addict, I feel bad that you have to cast someone else as an addict just for asking a few questions. I am in recovery for one thing only - cancer - I don't need "recovery" to abandon the pills that help me have a somewhat normal, neutral life. I do not get a high, I hit a neutral. I have had Ewing's sarcoma in my left hip in 2005, my neck in 2007, and spine in 2008. I've been in remission for 2 years, but the pain never goes away - it's in my bones all the time plus my arthritis as well as my skin feeling tortured from radiation burns.

None of you ever needed to know my struggles and diagnoses, but because some of you are clearly psychiatrists and judgmental addiction specialists, I felt the need to clarify instead of come off as "defensive." Some of you are quite pompous.

LisaB19 · Apr 24, 2014

Im sorry Ashleigh for your cancer, what a horrible thing to go through.

I don't think that we are necessarily pompous although I can understand why some might come off that way. Reaiise though, through our many years of addiction, your original story isn't new, and that most who come here are addicts and many times in denial of such. Many of us have been through incredible treatment, both at the hands of ourselves and society. Some we know have been in your situation and even with a prescription have been referred to the board. We are not allowed to work as long as we are taking a narcotic, so naturally we are sensitive that you are able to work. We are a passionate group that doesn't want to see anyone go through what we have.

I wish you peace,

Lisa

OCNRN63, RN · Apr 24, 2014

Whoa...so if you have to take pain meds for cancer pain, that means you're an addict? Well, I guess that makes me part of the club then, too.

OP, if you need to take pain medication for cancer pain or the effects of cancer treatment, you are not an addict. If you're taking the meds for reasons other than your cancer, then I would say you probably have an issue, but otherwise I wouldn't worry about it.

I hope we're not suggesting a return to the bad old days when cancer patients suffered because no one wanted to treat their pain, for fear of making them addicts.

OP, I am a certified oncology nurse. If you ever want to talk to me about your concerns please PM me. As a 2 year cancer survivor, I have some understanding about what it's like to walk the path you are on.