Cross Addiction

Twoyearnurse · Jul 20, 2014

Hey big! Speaking purely from experience here. I quit using opiates in October of 2013 and had two months of sobriety. Then the thoughts creeped in- maybe just a glass of wine. Well, one glass of wine turned into another and I spent until February 1, 2014 drinking moderately, sometimes just a glass, sometimes enough to get drunk- but it was always just enough to numb deeper issues. Addiction is rooted in the mind, alcohol and drugs are a symptom of the disease. I remember distinctly how good that first glass felt- but oh my did I suffer for it over the next couple months. Going to sleep and waking up in the same terror that had consumed my world for a year with opiates. Same panic, same feeling that the world was ending. Waking up feeling two feet tall and over a mile behind the rest of the world in this race. After almost 6 months of sobriety the thought of drinking or using any drugs (even benedryl) on my worst days is no longer an issue. I used to think "no drinking for the rest of my life?!" and now I just don't drink today (and rarely think about it, that obsession seems to be gone). Any time I start taking trips to the future I start winding myself up and that future looks bleak, when in reality if I am patient for its arrival there is always at least one amazing moment. I do sometimes fantasize that I could be a normal person- but lets face it- I would end up three sheets to the wind and without a nursing license again! Some of us be real kinds of crazy :)

catmom1, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2014

Good topic. I personally did not touch a drop of alcohol either in my food or anything I drank for 6 plus years of monitoring. My drug of choice was oxycodone and I have never especially liked alcohol.

Now, I have one drink every six to nine months whenever I attend a family function that includes it (like a birthday, holiday, etc). My last drink was on Easter weekend when my brother treated the family to a fancy dinner :). I anticipate I might have one on November 1 when my brother's father in law celebrates his 90th birthday.

The critical factor is being self-honest. Being honest with myself led me to go back to Narcotics Anonymous after 9 1/2 years of clean time. (I had attended different 12 step groups while I was being monitored)

I realized I needed to strengthen my support network because I ran across a full bottle of pills that turned out to be nothing mind altering but I was WAY too interested in figuring out if one of my drugs of abuse might be in that bottle. Very scary.

I have been under extreme stress with under - and unemployment since at least 2010. Plus I live alone so I need to make a special effort not to get isolated.

Remember that addiction is a thing that wants to get us alone so that it can kill us.

Anyway, good topic Big Blondie. I would recommend being rigorously honest with yourself when it comes to alcohol. It may be that you can have an occasional drink without consequences, but if you have any doubts for yourself: listen to them.

Catmom :paw:

SeattleJess · Jul 20, 2014

Good advice, Catmom! And Big Blondie, whenever you have ANY doubts, get thee to a meeting and talk about it with people. The time for disaster prep is before it happens.

As was said, it's not the physical addition that gets us. It's the "curious mental twist." Gotta watch your thinking and even better, get someone (or ones) else to watch it, too.

1sttime · Jul 20, 2014

I don't think that I will be avoiding anything as vigorous as I do in monitoring. Each person has their own unique history- one blanket rule is not proven by science as the path to "recovery".

It is possible to become cross addicted, but its not a rule.

Twoyearnurse · Jul 24, 2014

Hey big- anymore thoughts recently on the subject? I am always so curious about this subject. Addictions certainly appears to be a spectrum disorder. It just baffles my mind that people who have had past additions can partake in occasional use of other substances without issues- I've seen it done though. In my state part the contact we sign says that we will forever abstain from alcohol and drugs. Is it like that in any other states?

Big Blondie, ASN, BSN, MSN, APRN · Jul 25, 2014

I had many yrs clean and drank alcohol on occasion. Once I relapsed on Opiates I started drinking more to potentiate the effects of meds...never thought I was an alcoholic, but in treatment I learned about cross addiction...I didnt get it

first time around. But admit I have a reservation. I am on contract for 4 years so no way I will partake....seems to me other nurses here dont support the cross addiction theory. Guess its all about me...and my own recovery, and I have talked about this with many people in and out of recovery...and the choice lies within me. Thks for asking!

Twoyearnurse · Jul 25, 2014

Everyone is different, this is true. For me any substance that can take me out of my mind is a big no no. Im like the wolf that will chew off its own foot when caught in a trap- except the trap is my head and I will to destroy it rather than succumb to it. Fortunately I was saved by others who know that feeling and life is manageable, fun, and exciting now.

Ahseepnwithpassion · Jul 27, 2014

Hey big! Speaking purely from experience here. I quit using opiates in October of 2013 and had two months of sobriety. Then the thoughts creeped in- maybe just a glass of wine. Well, one glass of wine turned into another and I spent until February 1, 2014 drinking moderately, sometimes just a glass, sometimes enough to get drunk- but it was always just enough to numb deeper issues. Addiction is rooted in the mind, alcohol and drugs are a symptom of the disease. I remember distinctly how good that first glass felt- but oh my did I suffer for it over the next couple months. Going to sleep and waking up in the same terror that had consumed my world for a year with opiates. Same panic, same feeling that the world was ending. Waking up feeling two feet tall and over a mile behind the rest of the world in this race. After almost 6 months of sobriety the thought of drinking or using any drugs (even benedryl) on my worst days is no longer an issue. I used to think "no drinking for the rest of my life?!" and now I just don't drink today (and rarely think about it, that obsession seems to be gone). Any time I start taking trips to the future I start winding myself up and that future looks bleak, when in reality if I am patient for its arrival there is always at least one amazing moment. I do sometimes fantasize that I could be a normal person- but lets face it- I would end up three sheets to the wind and without a nursing license again! Some of us be real kinds of crazy :)

Twoyearanurse

I feel everything your saying. My life is all over the place but a drink or a drug is the farthest thing from my mind. Thank you higher power, but for your grace! Oh my goodness yes yes yes. I fantasize! Normal, still working able to pay my own bills, driving. Some of us be four times crazy! Not crazy enough to battle with the dis-ease of addiction, not me . The dis-ease wins, I didn't use drugs, drugs used me. I refused to lose today .

I