Would you marry a Doctor? - page 8
Im new to this site and have been looking around. I was pretty shocked to read so many nurses saying they would never with a capital N, marry a DR? Are you kidding me? I would love nothing more to... Read More
Jan 5, '11Fleurafor and All the Fine Nurses Out There:
My first wife was a nurse. My brother in law is a nurse. My Aunt is a Nurse. My present wife, (and the love of my life), is a nurse. Now girls, even though the first one dumped ME for an Orthopedic Surgeon- please Do Not put ALL of us Doc's in One Boat. Just because we have an M.D. after our name, that does NOT give us any more REAL advantage over any of our other Non-Degreed brothers. Yeah, I DID go for 13 years of post HS Education- but... ALL of us Doctor's KNOW, or Should KNOW, that the LPN's and the RN's, REALLY Do the Brunt WORK of Healthcare. At least THAT is My Opinion. Go Beyond the mentioned "Fruitful Picture of a Powerful Wealthy" individual..., but, Ladies- you know who who want; if he's Your Guy. That same judgement, action and choices that got you through Nursing School will NOT let you down, if you are considering a Doc, for your Lifemate. I found mine. Bless her heart.
Jan 5, '11I am a nursing student and I have been dating my boyfriend (an ortho surg) for almost 3 years. It's sad to me to see all of the animosity that nurses seem to havefor docs. When we leave work...we leave! Take it from me when they leave work it comes right along with 'em. The amount of stress that they have is insane. I have spent christmas partly alone, birthdays were the ER called and some lady broke a hip and there he goes...if some women are only marrying a man for the prestige or for their bank account it will NEVER last. I do promise this though, not all docs are bad. Mine is incredibly charming, warm, and funny. Granted not the most patient man at times (prob from working in the OR,) but he is kind and compassionate and just the most amazing man I have ever met.
Jan 5, '11Sure. If I found a man with the character and values that I am looking for - honest, caring, supportive, faithful, kind, intelligent, helpful, progressive, etc. - then yes I would, whether he was a doctor or a a janitor.
Not sure why people make statements that they absolutely would never consider marrying a doctor, or that they are seeking out a doctor. But different strokes for different folks I suppose...
Jan 5, '11While working in a large teaching hospital as a new nurse, I witnessed more residents and docs (married) chasing after nurses rather than the other way around as some here have suggested.
I personally never sought out to "get" a doc. In fact, I avoided it like the plague. Knowing that, the man that pursued me told me he was a nurse anesthetist. AFTER I fell in love, he fessed up to being an anesthesiologist who didn't want me to hold that against him. I fell for it!
Having been married to this good man for 22 years with whom we share 3 great kids, I feel qualified to say that careers in medicine are simply NOT conducive to family life. I know that most docs don't figure that out until they are too far into the process. The cost, the stress and the sacrifice they make of the best years of their lives are not worth it in the humble opinion of my husband and mine.
No, I am not miserably married, nor am I wealthy (although people tend to make great assumptions). But, both of us feel that our lives would be of a much higher quality if he were say a nurse anesthetist instead. I certainly never dreamed that I would have to give up my nursing career in order to support his medical career ( he regularly works 80-90 hours per week not including studying). I must say that has been the cause for some resentments on my part. But, the happiness of caring for my own children made up for it. Dear Hubby at least assumed that he could retire early one day to "have a real life", but sadly that is also now out of the question in this economy.
My experience is not unique. Most of our "doctor-nurse" family friends are in the same boat.
The female docs have it the worst. They gave up raising their own kids to a nanny and usually ended up divorced anyway. I'm not making any kind of statement on feminism here...just my observation that female docs seem to sacrifice more. Also, I've NEVER seen a happy 2-doc family unless one ( usually the woman), puts their careers on hold for the sake of the family.
Jan 5, '11"I'm heading to nursing school and my almost-fiance is heading to med school. So yes, I would." Quoted by MsChloe
Well report back to us 1yr into nursing school on the status of you and your almost-fiance.
In an effort to not sound TOTALLY condescending, I really hope your career goals will keep both parties interested beyond the stress and strife. But back in nursing school, I believe there were 15 or so married women and 3 married men in my class. 7 of the 15 separated and 3 actually got a divorce, during nursing school. Now, only one was married to an EMT, everyone else's spouses had regular careers. The 3 married men??? One dropped out the nursing program because his spouse couldn't handle the stress and he was afraid to lose his wife, although he desperately wanted to be a nurse. The other two, who were married to RN's already, both were cheating on their spouses with the single women in our class. Apparently, the "reason" given when asked on the cheating was that although their wives were nurses, it seems they had forgotten what it was like to be a student. After, "using" their spouses to carry them through school, they also divorced. All the single, but dating people were either no longer dating the same individual or not dating period. So, dating or being married to someone in the same field doesn't necessarily hold a relationship together, as opposed to dating ppl in opposing careers. No one should become a nurse to hopefully gain a rich doctor for a husband. Nor strategically work in a hospital to mingle either. Meet a man and date him for his character and how much he respects you, whether he's a doctor or the guy in environmental. POINT BLANK!Last edit by ChicagoRN-BSN on Jan 5, '11 : Reason: forgot the multi-quote
Jan 5, '11My husband is a doctor and we work at the same hospital. He is an emergency room physician which affords us a more normal life since he works only specific scheduled hours and no "on-call". Working in a community hospital helps too, very few of the doctors we work with have big ego's and all the nurses, doctors and staff are more like family. We had just as many paramedics, housekeepers, and support staff at our wedding as we did doctors and nurses. I certainly never thought I would be married to a doctor, but truthfully I hardly think of myself like that now--he's just my husband.
Jan 5, '11Quote from fleurafori thought the definition of gold digger was someone who was looking for an "excellent provider" to support them. perhaps i have it all wrong?i will be exposed to lots of drs. and i would love it if i ended up marrying one! so what!, what is the big deal ladies!? i do fully admit that one of the attributes/requirements of any man i date is that he has the potential to be an excellent provider, however, that doesnt make one a 'gold-digger' at all. im quite capable of financially supporting myself and i happen to believe that all women should be able to, i just happen to not want to. i much rather focus my time and attention on my children.
Jan 5, '11i've known physicians who were looking for "trophy wives" to help them pay back their medical school loans and to give them a leg up on the society scene. most of them were successful in bagging a "trophy wife" but none of them stayed happily married. two are still married, but both of them cheat.
i've known nurses who were looking to marry physicians, or even physicians of a specific specialty. most of them are still single although they've all had affairs with numerous physicians -- some of whom were already married.
looking for a mate based on a specific career or earning potential strikes me as shallow. there are a lot better reasons to "go after" someone and marry them -- sterling character, honesty, trustworthiness and a sense of honor seem to me to be better reasons to want to share a life with someone than money or prestige. but that's just me. your milage may vary and the op's obviously does!
Jan 5, '11Quote from NZ_RNMany of my nurse coworkers and friends are married to doctors ... nothing unusual for my 'older nurse' generation.I can only imagine you made your posting to stir us up. You're a nursing student, is that right? Once you have being working as a Registered Nurse and experience first hadn the disregard and disrespect Doctors have for, and treat Nurses with, you will understand why many, if not all, Nurses are so opposed to the idea of marrying a Doctor. As well as the fact that, as you will come to realise in your real practice, Doctors don't become Doctors because they want to care for or help people. Most do it for the status, prestige and money, and because they believe it makes them a superior person.
And let me give you a tip, Doctors may chase Nurses skirts, but you'll be lucky if they marry you. That would be far to degrading for them. They'd rather marry another Doctor or Pharmacist. I've seen many a young nurse be swept of their feet by the recently divorced Consultant, or the new Resident, and then the crying when they move on. Or the sad older nurses who make them selves up everyday, but have never landed "their Doctor".
But good on you for having a bizarre and fantastical view of Doctors, and your future working relations with them.
However I have noticed that the newer doctors tend to marry other doctors rather than nurses.
Most of the doctors I work with, and know socially, are top people. I think your depiction of them is rather harsh
Jan 5, '11Quote from fleuraforDoctors are not 'powerful and rich' LOLIm new to this site and have been looking around. I was pretty shocked to read so many nurses saying they would never with a capital N, marry a DR? Are you kidding me? I would love nothing more to fall in love with and marry an intelligent, powerful, rich man who I have something in common with (healthcare). In fact, that would be like a dream come true for me. I dont get it???
They are highly educated professionals who usually have a comfortable upper-middle class lifestyle.
Donald Trump , Bill Gates and Larry Ellison are rich and powerful ... and others like them
Jan 6, '11As a somewhat new nurse, 2 years in, I had the passing thoughts...Oooo a Dr., but at this point in the game I realize, they are not "powerful" or "rich" (well richer then I am but after 12+ yrs of schooling and residency, and 100000+ in college expenses)...and not always "intelligent". They are working class just like nurses, dedicating themselves to the profession of service to people. If anything marry a "Dr" because you have fallen in love with his or her personality and kindness, not his or her initials or bank account. And where does the deifinition of "powerful" come into play. A dr. can write prescriptions and make diagnoses, but I disagree with defining their job description as "powerful". We as nurses need to stick together and stand assertive and educated, alongside of our co-workers, and keep advancing our profession.
Jan 6, '11Intelligent... let's hope they have some common sense intelligence, or how about emotional intelligence...
Powerful... maybe if they have 30 years experience and are on the board of directors at the hospital. Otherwise they will get crapped on like everyone else. And of course, they are only as powerful as the staff that carries out their directives.
Rich... LOL in 20 years when you pay off your medical school loans!!!