Why are nurses such back-stabbers? - page 2

Why do nurses feel the need to "tattle" on colleagues to the boss for petty things? Behavior like this does nothing to elevate our profession and everything to keep us down. Why are there some... Read More

  1. by   SmilingBluEyes
    It's not just women. I was in the military (predominantly men if you notice) and there was PLENTY of back-stabbing and dirt going down there, too. I hate when people blame it on being female. Most of us are NOT like that. Like anything else, the few really nasties stand out while those who are exemplary are barely noticed or recognized..

    Sorry this is a hot-button issue for me, obviously. Also, consider that what you put out you get back. I have really and truly found if I kill them with kindness I get the same in return. I have great repoire with all my coworkers, as I treat them as I would have them do for me. Also, those who tried to chew me up, I took aside and made it eminently clear I would not tolerate it. They back down when you set limits, I learned, and quickly.

    Another thing that you can't change so easily: if you are in a truly toxic environment, nothing you will do will change it, until you change jobs. Generalizing and complaining rarely will do it for ya.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Dec 15, '06
  2. by   ExCorporateRN
    My philosophy - Stay under the radar. Just focus on work. Don't worry about making friends. Be professional.

    Unfortunately too many people try to turn their work environment into a gossip/counseling/support/friend thing. And inevitably always backfires.
  3. by   MarySunshine
    Well, for what it's worth, I'm a woman and I don't gossip. I find that people like you better if you don't because they subconciously trust you more. The nurses I work with aren't too bad about it either. It's a really nasty habit.
  4. by   cinja
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    It's not just women. I was in the military (predominantly men if you notice) and there was PLENTY of back-stabbing and dirt going down there, too. I hate when people blame it on being female. Most of us are NOT like that. Like anything else, the few really nasties stand out while those who are exemplary are barely noticed or recognized..

    Sorry this is a hot-button issue for me, obviously. Also, consider that what you put out you get back. I have really and truly found if I kill them with kindness I get the same in return. I have great repoire with all my coworkers, as I treat them as I would have them do for me. Also, those who tried to chew me up, I took aside and made it eminently clear I would not tolerate it. They back down when you set limits, I learned, and quickly.

    Another thing that you can't change so easily: if you are in a truly toxic environment, nothing you will do will change it, until you change jobs. Generalizing and complaining rarely will do it for ya.
    Blue eyes it's apparent you were never in the Infantry. It sounds as you were in some sluggo service and support unit. When you are in the grunts you take care of your business upfront and direct, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
  5. by   nuberianne_RN
    [quote=nurse-lou;1971755]why do nurses feel the need to "tattle" on colleagues to the boss for petty things? behavior like this does nothing to elevate our profession and everything to keep us down. why are there some nurses who feel superior when they tell on someone to the manager? this recently happened to me and i thought i had a good rapport with my co-workers yet one of them ratted me out to the boss on an off-the-cuff remark that i made.



    what did you say? what may be an off-the-cuff remark to you may be highly offensive to someone else. i think more details are needed before we run away with all the women bashing.
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Quote from cinja
    Blue eyes it's apparent you were never in the Infantry. It sounds as you were in some sluggo service and support unit. When you are in the grunts you take care of your business upfront and direct, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

    Pardon me, but you make some assumptions about my service that are pretty bold and a bit rude. You can agree or not with my post, but suffice to say, I consider my military experience is no less valuable or educational than yours would be. I thank you for your service to our country and would appreciate respect in kind.

    Thank you.

    Anyhow, back to the subject. I think flying under the radar can be useful in some situations. However, I believe in being honest and direct as well as kind. It gets you alot further and most will respect you for it.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Dec 15, '06
  7. by   crb613
    I think this depends on your personality & insecurity. Gender?? I don't know about that...I have seen plenty of males do the same thing. I personally don't care what anyone does as long as the pt is safe, & their actions do put anyone else in jeopardy. I also think a lot of people set themselves up for gossip....I am just what you see & I don't give a hoot what anyone thinks. Just my
  8. by   Britt.MSN2b.Drexel'11
    This is yet another thing that happends to demean our profession- all of the backstabbing. Its not woman bashing, its true. Men (not always), but most of the time tend to stay more objective. I have not begun clinicals yet, but I can say that when I have to pick a team, I many of times choose the guys. IMHO Females often focus way too much on making friends and their emotions.
  9. by   RazorbackRN
    Quote from cinja
    Blue eyes it's apparent you were never in the Infantry. It sounds as you were in some sluggo service and support unit. When you are in the grunts you take care of your business upfront and direct, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
    Ouch! That was tacky...
  10. by   RazorbackRN
    Quote from Britt.MSN2b.Drexel'11
    This is yet another thing that happends to demean our profession- all of the backstabbing. Its not woman bashing, its true. Men (not always), but most of the time tend to stay more objective. I have not begun clinicals yet, but I can say that when I have to pick a team, I many of times choose the guys. IMHO Females often focus way too much on making friends and their emotions.
    Well, since your 17 years old, I'm sure you have us women totally figured out.
  11. by   nurseangel47
    Oh, how I've asked the very same question about a thousand times since having to work with the beeoches I've had to work with over the many years I've been a nurse. My answer: because they can.
    Women can be the most canniving(Sp?) things on the face of the earth.
    I think it's just the hormone thing. The cat (MEOW!) thing, the ill gotten brown nosing of "Look, I'm the tattletale, see me succeed! The boss likes me better 'cuz I'm their eyes and ears of the staff's screwing up! When actually, a lot of times, their boss probably thinks less of them if the truth were known, because NOBODY likes a brown nosing tell it, know it all, not even the source of the tales!
    I lament having to work with all women. We are not to be trusted!
    I've worked with very few who I'd even want to socialize with out of work.
    I enjoy more of a circle of friends who are NOT in nursing, actually....kind of rounds out your interests and makes life a bit more enjoyable not to talk shop all of the time!
    Seriously, have often wondered how it'd be to work with all guys! Or at least the majority of males in the pic.
    It's a shame the way I'm slamming on females...I'm one myself!
    I try to keep socializing or talking too freely in general at work especially about my personal life....it just always bites you in the end....somehow, somewhere....
    My advice is in many of the posts. Do your work. Keep your butt covered.
    Head down. Don't give the party that is gossiping or whatever more ammunition....
    Document if you feel that there's falsehood involved. With witnesses, if at all possible.
  12. by   dorselm
    Nurse-lou, I can only imagine how PO'd you are!! I would be too. I think that is sooo petty that someone would betray your trust and tell what you said. Backbiting is something I definitely worry about. I can't see me going to school and busting my hump only to have to deal with all this bull but I know from the gazillions of posts out there on this subject that it kinda seems inevitable. My mother is a CNA at a LTC facility. She comes home with so many stories of how ghetto the people at her job are. They smile in each others face and tell all the business. They don't like to help each other when it comes to lifting patients and these grown a** women have the nerve to have clicks that flock together and when one person is mad at you, they're all mad. I'm sorry! There ain't no way on God's green earth that I'm gonna let some other females control me! That is sooo high school. My mom stays to herself and doesn't really associate with anyone and now they consider her stuck up and think she thinks she's better than the rest. It's sad. Many females really are catty which is why its hard for down-to-earth females to bond to others. On the other hand, guys can be gossipy too.
  13. by   Britt.MSN2b.Drexel'11
    Quote from RazorbackRN
    Well, since your 17 years old, I'm sure you have us women totally figured out.

    Actually, i was just simply making an observation. I don't pretend to know everything, but even as a college student taking nursing courses, I have seen the back stabbing and nastiness simply by being expected to do nursing group work. I have had much better luck in groups that include guys vs. all women. Im just assuming that often it works the same way in a hospital setting.

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