Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 80

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   fuzzywuzzy
    You've had 3 loose stools in the last 6 hours. Two of them were large. WHY ON EARTH do you think you need a suppository? Oh that's right, because you had milk of mag, which gave you "a sour belch" and so now you need a supp. Yeah, uh-huh, that makes perfect sense. Remember last week when you were so upset about your BM not being large enough that you cried for an hour and made yourself throw up? Yeah that made perfect sense too.
  2. by   twistedpupchaser
    Great performance mate, nearly believable. Could you hold the next act until this other Pt stops actively trying to die so I can get all the staff here to critique your performance?

    So wanted to say that last night to the 6foot 4, fairy princess....
  3. by   Magsulfate
    I love this thread, I could add something new everyday. lol

    "Your DAD is not the only male patient we have here, so if you could stop being rude to me when I don't know who your DAD is when you call,, that would be nice.... also,, I have other things to do than to sit on the phone with you for 30 minutes talking about how your DAD had the wrong kind of blanket on top of him. We only have one kind of blanket here, leave me alone, I have a thousand things to do and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM is more important than talking to you"
  4. by   rph3664
    Quote from firstyearstudent
    A $400,000 McMansion? Where did they live, Idaho? I live in L.A. and our hovel, well over $400,000 is less than 1,000 square feet, has one and half bedrooms, decrepit plumping and wiring dating from the '20s, one bathroom and a miniscule kitchen with no modern appliances. Plus it is in smack in the middle of gangland with schools so bad we have to drive your kids to a charter school in another school district! And plenty of folks who run in-home daycare around here make more than my salary and my husband's put together.
    I'm pretty sure this was in Ohio.

    Here in rural Illinois, $400,000 will get you a mansion as well.

    Why do you choose to live where you do?
  5. by   rph3664
    Quote from ruby vee
    while i'd never say this to an actual patient, i did say it to a flasher in the park:

    "you're proud of that? it's the smallest one i've ever seen on a grown man!" he slunk away, pulling his clothing together as he went.
    i have a male friend who worked in a nuclear power plant (which is a culture unto itself) with his then-wife, and there was a guy who worked with them who thought it was really funny to flash the women.

    when he flashed my friend's now-ex, she pointed at it, giggled, and said, "is that all you've got?"

    by all accounts, he never flashed anyone again, not at that plant.
  6. by   Fiona59
    Quote from psalm
    ...yes! Well put! I would also add; "Stop reading those Reader's Digest articles that state how awful hospital care is and you have to lie or demand to get things done right".


    Every time I have one of those daughters from hell, I know they've been reading those magazines. "I'm Daddy's advocate for quality patient care" one actually told us.

    Uhm, Daddy is a full code, being cared for by the Palliative Team. He was only admitted to our ward in order to receive comfort care. No, we do know what we are doing and we are quite good at it. We let people die alll the time.
  7. by   firstyearstudent
    Quote from rph3664
    I'm pretty sure this was in Ohio.

    Here in rural Illinois, $400,000 will get you a mansion as well.

    Why do you choose to live where you do?
    Why do you choose to live in rural Illinois, other than cheap housing?
  8. by   AngelfireRN
    "No, we don't have samples of every single medication you take. One of the abx I just ordered for you is on the $4 list at Wal-Mart and has been around since God was a boy. THAT's why we don't have samples of it. Don't get it filled if you don't want to, and no, dear, it will NOT be my fault if your foot rots off because you did not take what you needed to stop it from happening. Quit grousing about how we all owe you something and should bow at your feet and take some responsibility for yourself. Oh, and quit dragging Mama in here with you to add her sarcastic comments to your little diatribe. She's not helping you, she's giving everyone TMJ from grinding their teeth, and we ALL want to put our collective fists through both your smirking, self-absorbed faces. And I really don't care if you DON'T like NP's. The fact that you felt the need to tell me this fact makes me care even less. I don't like you, but I don't have the luxury of telling you that. I would not be in here if the doctor did not hate you so much that she locked herself in her office when she saw your name on the board. Go ahead, find another proivider. PLEASE. Do us all a favor."

    WHEW, boy that felt good! I normally don't have a mean bone in me, but I truly did want to slap those 2.
  9. by   squeakykitty
    Quote from ruby vee
    while i'd never say this to an actual patient, i did say it to a flasher in the park:

    "you're proud of that? it's the smallest one i've ever seen on a grown man!" he slunk away, pulling his clothing together as he went.
    i love this!! i would say something like this too, unless i was too busy pointing and laughing my head off.
  10. by   sharpeimom
    I REALIZE your IV is uncomfortable, that the site is red and beginning to swell. But, no, I can't just go get the supplies and change it...Mom!!! I'm not your nurse and this isn't even where I work! Your nurse said she would be here in a few minutes. She's with another patient now. It won't be long at all.
    ... wait a minute... I did say that...

    sharpeimom



  11. by   MelissaPhoographerRN
    When you get caught smoking in the public bathroom by the elevators by security and then an hour later get caught giving yourself pain meds out of your luggage and the house supervisor and security come to your room to confiscate all smoking and drug paraphernalia don't turn it around and try to blame it on me because you think I'm the one who tattled. It wasn't me and nobody believes your lies about me refusing to give you your pain meds, because they can see in the pyxis and on your chart that I did give them to you.

    Hitting the call light again as soon as the secretary hangs up after finding out what we can get for you and doing it over and over will not get me into your room any faster, I'm not not coming on purpose, I'm in another patient's room. This will just make it harder for me to be nice to you.

    I actually did say this. I had a patient who I had called the Dr to see if he would order more pain meds, he told me no, and I explained that to the pt. Well, the patient proceeded to call the Dr's office and some how get the secretary to give them the Dr's pager #. They started calling him every 15 minutes. The Dr called back the first time. Then after two more calls from them called me and yelled at me (he was one to yell). I explained that I had told the patient that he said no and that them calling was all on their own. I was like I can't make him stop calling, so don't yell at me, please. As soon as I hung up w/ him I walked into the patients room and very nicely said "Please stop calling the Dr, he obviously isn't going to change his mind and I just got yelled at because you won't stop calling him." They were shocked that I got yelled at and apologised.

    No, I will not give you narcotics and then let you drive yourself home. No, I will not give you the narcotics to take once you get home, that's what your perscription is for.

    If you lie to me and tell me your ride is in the waiting room so I will give you narcotics and then when I get you to the waiting room and you then confess that you have no ride but were planning to walk home by yourself at 3AM in the middle of winter in a bad neighborhood, I will not let you go. Don't be mad at me, you're the one who lied to begin with. After this nobody ever got narcotics w/ out their ride at bedside.

    If you pull a random stranger out of the hall and ask them to lie that they are your ride home so that we'll give you narcotics we will figure it out. It's not hard for me to see that that same person is also the family member to my patient next door.

    If you rip your colostomy bag off on purpose one more time I swear I'm going to go postal. This woman had no skin left around the thing because she wouldn't leave it alone. i eventually said "time to learn how to put this on yourself since you're going home in a few days!"

    Overheard Dr saying to same patient "Do you seriously think I'm going to write orders to give you more pain meds?? The pain meds are what you and your fiance (who was a heart transplant recipient) overdosed on and then layed unconscious on the floor for three days causing the HUGE dicubitus on the back of your head."

    "Do you seriously want to keep asking the nurse who will be holding your arm as the Dr reduces the fracture if she'll crawl into bed with you and other sexual herassing remarks after I've already kindly asked you to stop multiple times?"

    If you attempt to hurl your full bed pan at me one more time because I can't move your over bed table, straiten your blankets, and wipe your butt at the same time I'm going to start throwing it back.

    If you insist on eating only fried food that your mom brings in for you at every single meal, then you need to change your colonoscopy bag yourself.

    Do you seriously think we don't know that you're at a different ER in the city every night complaining of the same thing and insisting on receiving Dilaudid, Phenergan, and Benadryl??? Our Dr's are from an agency and work at those other hospitals too!

    Oh, man, does it feel good to vent!!! With out it we would eventually be forced to say these things out loud.
  12. by   MelissaPhoographerRN
    Do you actually think the Dr is going to write you a work excuse for the past three weeks when this is the first time you've been seen by a Dr and it's only to get the work excuse?? Really? Really????
  13. by   Lacie
    I work in chronic dialysis and I can think of a million things a million times a day I would really love to tell pts!!! After experiencing Burn ICU/Trauma for many years I get the "I didnt show up because I didnt feel good" - my response "Hmm no dialysis for a week and you wonder why the h*** you dont feel good?" or the other "It doesnt matter what side the ******* tape tab is on, I just want you to stop bleeding all over me and the floor". Or when they are 5-10 min late getting on the machine "Well makes up for the hour you were late the other day that kept me and a pct here and extra 2 hours waiting for you to finish up so I dont have to cut your treatment that you will complain about if I do"..... God the list could go on!!! I would love to take them all into a burn icu for 1 day with the kids I used to treat in level 1 burn centers.....then tell me how much pain your in or how much we just dont understand how you stuffed yourself with McD's and still doing it today..opps I knocked your mcmuffin accidently to the floor..well maybe not having it today with drop your phosphorus level abit so your not yelling at me to give you that benedryl before we even have your needles in. I could go on and on and on LOL

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