Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 44

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   twistedpupchaser
    You have a choice, get out of bed and carry out the exercises that the therapists have given you...or...lay there and impersonate compost and rot into your bed. Only one of these choices will get you home.

    Sorry, it has been a rough day with 3 compost impersonators.
  2. by   rph3664
    Quote from twistedpupchaser
    You have a choice, get out of bed and carry out the exercises that the therapists have given you...or...lay there and impersonate compost and rot into your bed. Only one of these choices will get you home.

    Sorry, it has been a rough day with 3 compost impersonators.
    Compost impersonators? I'll have to mention this on a gardening board that I also post on!

    :chuckle

    On a serious note, my grandmother was refusing to do post-op exercises and was told that if she continued, she would have to go to a nursing home. For her at the time, that was an option worse than death and she finally started doing them.

    She lived in a nursing home for the last 2 years of her life (she died last year at age 91) but she could not live on her own any more and knew it.
  3. by   ShelleyERgirl
    Quote from Dolce
    --To the very unhelpful family members who accompany patients: please do not try to engage me in conversation about your own health problems. If I wanted to hear about your health history I would have asked about it to YOU. Do not interrupt my health history interview with the patient to share details about your own history. Quite frankly, I don't care!
    Oh man, that is so true!
  4. by   azxyrn
    You'll have to pardon me but all these years of nursing has made me a little sarcastic/cynical:



    Ohh, of course I'll wake you tonight so you don't miss your pain pill/sleeping pill, NOT!

    Yeah, go ahead and call the channel 5 news action line, just make sure they spell my name right!

    Ohh, you don't think you should take all these pills at the same time? Well I guess I'll just throw them in the garbage then.

    Yes, why these pain pills are just placebos, sorry, how'd you figure it out?

    Oh your daughter who works down at the five and dime has figured out what's wrong with you, and that all those MRI's and c/s's are wrong including my assessment? Do tell!

    I know, I know, you personally are paying for all of this, let me go call your HMO and tell them to not worry about it then....

    No that's fine, I don't like going home on time, you go ahead and tell me all about every surgery, illness, and fart you've ever suffered.

    Yes sir, screaming NURSE! repeatedly and as loud as you can really makes my day! :grn:

    Sure, I'll go buy you some cigarettes so you can smoke in the bathroom with your nicotine patch and oxygen on, that'll be fun...

    What's that? These don't look like the pills you take at home, well let me go over to your house and make sure! :angryfire

    Well of course, you should have a B.M. every two - three hours!

    Yes of course, food is better than medicine, but uhh, tell me again how you're going to heal that MRSA infected wound?

    Yes, let me go get a palm frond to cool you as it's my fault the room is to warm.:trout:

    Ohh no, you don't have to worry about that 1500cc fluid restriction, we'll just pull it off with dialysis.....

    Well of course I'll get you some booze, that ascites looks like it's getting better! *wine

    Yes I can tell you've taken good care of your diabetes, a fasting blood sugar of 350mg/dl is perfect!

    Yes, I'll hurry and get you a breathing treament. You go ahead and finish that whole pack of cigarettes before coming back....

    And finally....

    Sorry, I'm not your wife, so you are just going to have to put your redneck wife beating ways on hold for now!
  5. by   Angie1011
    I love this thread, it's all so true!!

    A little rant from the other side of the Atlantic...where we still wear hideous, hideous starched uniforms that somehow still manage to excite some of the more mentally and socially challenged guys over here.

    To the pt who made suggestive comments and repeatedly tried to grope/slap/pinch my a**.

    "Yes, I am a Nurse (well, Student Nurse) and yes, that means I have to turn up to work each day in this God-awful uniform. But I'm sorry to inform you that my career choice and your bizarre sexual fantasies are not intertwined. I did not choose to wear this lovely ensemble this morning in hopes of kick starting your libido! And answering your call light is more an unfortunate aspect of my job rather than an affirmation of my deep, deep desire for you!!"
    Last edit by Angie1011 on Jan 14, '09 : Reason: spelling
  6. by   Callinurse
    Ok, this is one from the Rahab setting .....

    "If you can pick your nose and feed yourself then I will not put your Penis in the urinal. You will have to do this yourself!"
  7. by   Shenanigans
    So, you don't like the food, the nurses, the fact you're in a six bed room or the colour of the banadages... ? Welll then, you could always pay to go private instead of having to stay in this "horrid" place for free curtosy of the govt's free health care.

    Unless you're bleeding out of every orficice you will not be bumped up the OT list because you're angry.

    The only thing cursing on a ward with children will get you is my boot up your arse!

    Yes, I will stop the normal saline right now, because I beleive what you say that you have had a serious anaphalyatic reaction to it in the past.
  8. by   RNDreamer
    Sigh! Ma'am, when I offered to get you something to cover you up, I really wasn't trying to annoy you. I just thought that you and your husband would rather NOT have all the people standing in the hallway see your legs (no underwear and vagina facing the door) wide open. I'll just go ahead and pull the curtain, OK?
  9. by   nitenite
    Anything House has ever said
  10. by   talaxandra
    By all means, report me to the Medical Board. However, as I'm a nurse, and regulated by the Nurses' Board, you may find speaking to them more effective.

    Oh wait, I did say that.
  11. by   al7139
    Heres one,
    Crying and paging your MD will not get you more pain meds, just get me more annoyed because I have to deal with the doc telling me to get you to stop calling.
    Cursing and slamming doors does not get you drugs, just security and a speedy discharge (let me get the door for you!).
    Screaming "Help me! I can't breathe" just because you want company, gets you ignored (sats fine, breathing fine, etc.).
    My name is not "Nurse!" I introduced myself at the start of shift and wrote my name on your board, please use it.
    SHUT UP and go to sleep!
    The best:
    Do not ask me to scratch your vagina (I swear it really happened!) when you can feed yourself and work the remote for the TV.
    Amy
  12. by   Dianacabana
    Quote from al7139
    Heres one,
    The best:
    Do not ask me to scratch your vagina (I swear it really happened!) when you can feed yourself and work the remote for the TV.
    Amy
    Eeeew. Did you offer her a tongue depressor?
  13. by   rnlately
    Quote from al7139
    Heres one,
    Crying and paging your MD will not get you more pain meds, just get me more annoyed because I have to deal with the doc telling me to get you to stop calling.
    Cursing and slamming doors does not get you drugs, just security and a speedy discharge (let me get the door for you!).
    Screaming "Help me! I can't breathe" just because you want company, gets you ignored (sats fine, breathing fine, etc.).
    My name is not "Nurse!" I introduced myself at the start of shift and wrote my name on your board, please use it.
    SHUT UP and go to sleep!
    The best:
    Do not ask me to scratch your vagina (I swear it really happened!) when you can feed yourself and work the remote for the TV.
    Amy
    That's just nasty and uncalled for. Some people will try to see what they can get away with.

close