Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 115

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   nerdtonurse?
    If you're in here for "COPD exacerbation", getting 1MG ATIVAN TID scheduled AND Xanax AND clonapin because you're "nervous" because you can't breathe, maybe you need to stop going outside to smoke a pack of cigs every day. I'll give you a nicotine patch, but I won't help you go kill yourself, so feel free to "report me to the doctor" for not taking you out to smoke at 3 in the morning -- and if you DO go out, I'm taking your patch off, I don't want to have to code you for no other reason than you wanted a buzz.
  2. by   psalm
    Quote from PeachPie
    There is a darned good reason why you have no friends and everyone leaves you eventually: You are a toxic person with no social skills or sense of basic decency, you take your emotions out on anyone around you, it's never your fault, you never learn, and you interpret hep or suggestions as personal attacks. You take for granted that people are going to listen to you listening to yourself talk. You don't even try to have conversations, you just conquer the conversation and don't notice that people are trying to back away or ask you important questions. What you idealize as a friendship is what most people know as emotional monopoly, worship of you, and jealous possession. You worship and praise people you "like," and hate them when they don't concur with the aforementioned idealisms. Even the nurses you "like" request not to be assigned to you because they know it's only a matter of time before you hate them. The only reason why therapists stick around as long as they do is because they are required and paid to listen nonjudgmentally and respect your autonomy to harm yourself all you want, and you fire them soon anyway. You're not going to learn, and I really hope that you run out of nurses you'll allow to take care of you and decide to go to another hospital because as unfounded as they are, your complaints are taken seriously. I hope that your wolf-calling catches up to you someday.
    Refer to psych?
  3. by   Chixie
    If you can wipe it, then you can put cream on it. You do not need the community nurse to put cream on your tushy

    ps-no i wont warm it first :angryfire:angryfire:angryfire
  4. by   SoundofMusic
    Sir. SIR. Put the balls as well as the entire package back in. Yep -- tuck it all back in. I don't care to see it. Leaving it all out everytime I come into the room isn't going to endear you to me WHATSOEVER.

    Yes, the entire package is all very large sized, but even THAT isn't going to do it for me. You are freaking 90 years old. It's time to STOP.
  5. by   canigraduate
    "Shut up, moron."

    "No."

    "Whatever."

    "Yes, you really are an idiot, and, no, I don't HAVE to put up with you."

    "Bite me."

    "You don't pay my salary. If you did, I would charge MORE."

    "I don't care if your butt itches. Your hands work, so scratch it."

    "Your lack of intelligence is not MY problem."
  6. by   fuzzywuzzy
    "No I will not get you a washcloth! Use toilet paper! Then, pull up your pants, get back in your chair, and do not touch the call bell for another 10 minutes. Instead, take those 10 minutes to think really hard about what you really want/need. If it involves a transfer, then fine, hit the call bell... AGAIN. If it involves having someone fetch something for you, well, your husband is sitting right there. I don't have time for this sh*t. You are rehab and once you get home you won't have an entire overworked staff to wait on you hand and foot like you're in a hotel."

    And of course this clueless woman was in the last room at the very end of the hall... Ringing to get out of the bathroom. Taking forever to wipe (I don't have to be there for that, she can wipe herself). Lets me stand there waiting, then as soon as I put on my gloves to empty the bucket, it's "can you get me a washcloth?" Acting surprised when I have to leave to go get one off the cart instead of producing it out of thin air. Finally walks back to the chair. 2 minutes later she wants to lay down. Before leaving I make sure everything is "all set." 2 minutes later she wants another sheet. 2 more minutes later she wants to take off her sweater. We have to make a big production out of that. She rings again; she wants to blanket off the end of her bed. It was like, never-ending. Meanwhile her able-bodied, sound of mind husband is just sitting there like a log in the corner.
    Last edit by fuzzywuzzy on Nov 24, '09
  7. by   Virgo_RN
    Mama's diabetic so she needs to eat RIGHT NOW? Maam, did you take your insulin this morning? You don't use insulin? Well, then did you take your oral agents today? You don't take any medications for your diabetes?

    Maam, either you do not understand how diabetes works, or you take me for an idiot and think I will feed Mama if you tell me she's diabetic. Guess what? Mama's serum glucose was 187, and she does not take any insulin or oral agents, so no, her being diabetic does not automatically mean I will feed her.
  8. by   Fuzzy
    "Shut Up Aleady! You have diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain.".

    Fuzzy
  9. by   Riseupandnurse
    I just found out I won the lottery. Therefore I will refuse any ridiculous requests and turn in my resignation tomorrow. Tell the doctor if you want, tell the news media, I am no longer the maid, cook, and semi-competent social worker/therapist here, just the nurse.
  10. by   Jay2daq
    i had a bari- patient who wanted to sit in his wheel chair constantly because he wanted me to wheel him around....once we would leave the room, he would say "Any chance you could wheel me home?".......he lives 20 minutes from the hospital.

    "No i will not push you home because you cant even walk out the door. If you could walk yourself home you wouldnt need to be here!"

    then...same guy ok? (frequent flier miles he has) i work on cardiac so him being as big as he is....we seem quite often!
    ...again wants me to push him around....
    he says: "Do you think you could push me to the upstairs unit? its too loud here"
    need i remind you we are the cardiac floor so
    1) he is a cardiac patient, no one will take him since is on telemetry and alot of cardiac drugs and needs to be where he is.
    2) WE ARE ON THE TOP FLOOR!!!!!...

    the guy asks me to push him upstairs. i was polite and told him we were on the 7th floor which is the top floor.
    deep down i wanted to be like
    "Yes i will take you to the top of this floor. I thought youd never ask. the roof has a GREAT view!"
  11. by   jmaverick101
    One day i had a huge lady on my tele floor. She was complaining of the pain to her bottom, pressure sores. The doctor told her she developed them because the nurses weren't turning her enough. At the biggining of shift i saw my little pca lady, literally half the pt's size, turn her and place a pillow behind her. 2hrs later she called me saying the doctor had ordered we turn her every 2hrs, and we weren't turnng her enough. My pca again was about to turn her and I told my pca to stop. I told the pt

    Me: You see the rail to side.
    Pt: Yes.
    Me: Grab it, and turn yourself.

    The pt's mouth dropped open. She looked at me then my pca in disbelief. I told her again, go ahead grab it. She grabbed it, turned herself and I placed a pillow underneath her. She didn't call to be turned anymore.

    Side note: Histories past has told me to assess what my pt's are capable of doing, becuase in cases such as this one, even though they can do it themselves they love it more when it's done by their nurse.
  12. by   Becca608
    True story over several conversations with a patient:

    Mr. B., you are aware that you are on an 1800 calorie diet?
    --yes
    Mr. B., please don't have your family bring any more food from home. You are on an 1800 calorie diet and will get 3 meals and 1 snack everyday. I promise that you will not starve and we will get your blood sugar under control.
    --I'll eat whatever I want.

    Later, after housekeeping commiserated about the crawling things in his room...

    Mr. B., you know what I told you about not having someone from home bring you food?
    --uh-huh
    Well I think that bag of pork skins might have been bad. I killed two roaches and housekeeping killed three. Your family might have accidentally brought you a bad bag.
    --D@#%! I knew they were trying to kill me.

    Later response--he used the wall as a urinal. Uggh, nasty nasty man.:angryfire
  13. by   southernbeegirl
    Quote from samanthaeh76
    "Shut up, moron."

    "No."

    "Whatever."

    "Yes, you really are an idiot, and, no, I don't HAVE to put up with you."

    "Bite me."

    "You don't pay my salary. If you did, I would charge MORE."

    "I don't care if your butt itches. Your hands work, so scratch it."

    "Your lack of intelligence is not MY problem."
    "Bite me"

    Best ever!

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