The Childish "I Wuv You" Act

Nurses Relations

Published

Once in a while, I'll have patients who will tell me that they love me and try to hug me, or tell me that they love me with big Bambi eyes if they think that it will get them out of perceived trouble or gain my favor.

I only want someone to hug me if I have known them long enough to know that they mean no harm, that I don't mind touching me, and that I have given some form of okay to hug me. In the ER, I rarely encounter people who fit these criteria. Furthermore, I am a healthcare professional, not their buddy. My first instinct is to step back and put a hand forward to keep the person at arm's distance, which I do not think is an inappropriate reaction. What I'm wondering is how to verbally set limits and explain why it is inappropriate without seeming punitive. I also want to keep it short. In the past when I didn't anticipate it, I'd simply say, "No thank you."

When I get the Bambi-eyed, "I wuv you," (yes, sometimes in baby talk), I either said, "Thank you," and moved on with whatever was occurring before the attempted distraction, or simply moved on with the conversation and actions. How should I handle the declaration of love?

Yes, I know that some people have mental retardation, are emotionally stunted, or have developmental disabilities that mean that their mindsets are that of children. I don't fault them, but I also want to explain to them why I have the right to be touched only when I want to. Pediatric or psych nurse advice would be great for this.

You* Your* Lol OK that's nice.[/quote']

I'm sorry. I have to interject here. Insulting a typo doesn't make you right. You called out her auto correct. Congratulations.

I agree with her statement. I'm an affectionate person and NURSE. Just bc she isn't practicing yet doesn't mean she isn't entitled to her opinion that the OP should be ashamed of herself.

It makes me wonder....what kind of people is the OP dealing with that he doesn't want to touch them??

I'm a renowned "germaphobe". If a particularly disgusting patient tries to hug me or even touches my shoulder, I grimace and pull away. But I also understand the importance of sometimes people need that affection.

A scared patient who fell and I have to send to the ER bc of a head trauma. Damn right I'm going to hold their hand baby them!!! I would want the same done to me if I was scared and alone.

The OP sounds cold and callous and IMO needs to warm up a little.

Maybe that's something you could "really think about" next time before you are so critical of someone right off the bat and tell her/him she shouldn't be a nurse (and all the other really critical stuff you posted in your first post).

I agree with her.

Specializes in Emergency.
I agree with your reply. The OP sounds rude and unloving. If people gross you them out that much they're in the wrong business.[/quote']

Here's how it sounds to me.

OP sounds like a thoughtful, caring nurse who is trying to align her personal comfort zone with the ability to make her patients comfortable (looking for ways to redirect behavior in a caring way).

You sound judgmental and naive.

Here's how it sounds to me. OP sounds like a thoughtful caring nurse who is trying to align her personal comfort zone with the ability to make her patients comfortable (looking for ways to redirect behavior in a caring way). You sound judgmental and naive.[/quote']

Well I guess it all comes down to perception then doesn't it?

I see cold. You see caring. Touché touché

You say I'm naive. I say I care about the people in my care.

I will continue to hold my patients hands when they are scared/sick/dying bc I feel like it's right.

If someone hates people and looks at others so negatively then they need an office job so they won't have to subject themselves to people who actually need to be cared for.

There's a difference between a nurse holding a patient's hand and a patient touching a nurse's hair, just one example.

One is inappropriate.

Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.

If someone hates people and looks at others so negatively then they need an office job so they won't have to subject themselves to people who actually need to be cared for.

I don't recall the OP ever saying that she hates people. I consider myself to be a very caring and competent nurse. Just because I don't want to hug every patient I have and hold their hands at all times doesn't change that.

I don't recall the OP ever saying that she hates people. I consider myself to be a very caring and competent nurse. Just because I don't want to hug every patient I have and hold their hands at all times doesn't change that.

I don't recall her Saying it either. It was implied.

Just bc you can give life saving care to a patient, does that absolve you from being a caring human being? I think that and nursing go hand in hand.

I'm not going to let someone feel me up and down and I am going to protect myself from patients. But! If someone is coming to me when the "I wuv you" act I have no problem being a recipient of affection from another human. It's a beautiful thing.

But that's my personal opinion too. The OP struck me as someone who views others as annoying. IMO nurses shouldn't be that callous. It all sounds very Nurse Ratched to me.

Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.

I don't recall her Saying it either. It was implied.

Just bc you can give life saving care to a patient, does that absolve you from being a caring human being? I think that and nursing go hand in hand.

I'm not going to let someone feel me up and down and I am going to protect myself from patients. But! If someone is coming to me when the "I wuv you" act I have no problem being a recipient of affection from another human. It's a beautiful thing.

But that's my personal opinion too. The OP struck me as someone who views others as annoying. IMO nurses shouldn't be that callous. It all sounds very Nurse Ratched to me.

I think it's great for you if you feel that comfortable doling out affection. But not everyone has to feel that way, and just because they don't have that level of comfort certainly doesn't mean they find people annoying, or that they are callous.

I'm a great listener, I can offer that to my patients. And I have never had any of my close friends or family tell me I am cold or uncaring or less of a person for not being the touchy feely type.

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

I think the OP was talking about personal space that has nothing what so ever to do with hand holding. I think the OP has objections to the manipulative behavior that is sometimes exhibited by patients to excuse their bad behavior. I do not think that the OP has an issue with appropriate touch but wishes to keep her personal space from being encroached upon.

I also think that we can express ourselves without name calling.

I solemnly pledge myself before God and in the presence of this assembly, to pass my life in purity and to practice my profession faithfully. I will abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous, and will not take or knowingly administer any harmful drug. I will do all in my power to maintain and elevate the standard of my profession, and will hold in confidence all personal matters committed to my keeping and all family affairs coming to my knowledge in the practice of my calling. With loyalty will I endeavor to aid the physician in his work, and devote myself to the welfare of those committed to my care.

Nightingale Pledge per ANA

Nowhere in that pledge is there a requirement to forgo your own mental or physical health - and yes, unwanted touching CAN affect your mental health. Nowhere in that pledge is a requirement to hug, kiss, or touch your patients. Nowhere in that pledge is a requirement to let the patient's desires over rule your own safety.

If you can't understand that different people have different comfort levels, and even nurses deserve to protect themselves while they work, then YOU are the one who lacks compassion -- for your fellow nurse.

The OP came here with a genuine concern: how to maintain a professional and appropriate relationship while avoiding unwanted physical contact. The fact that she is actively seeking information and advice indicates that she DOES care deeply about her patients, and wants to provide them with the best care she can without sacrificing her own care. That to me is an excellent nurse.

I'm not going to let someone feel me up and down and I am going to protect myself from patients. But! If someone is coming to me when the "I wuv you" act I have no problem being a recipient of affection from another human. It's a beautiful thing.

Scabies ARE beautiful! Such an underrated parasite...

+ Add a Comment