Surviving a passive aggressive co-worker?

[TheOracle]

Just scanning through the forums I can see that all of us have at one time or another had to deal with a difficult personality at work. I wanted to put my situation out there and see if I could get some feedback on how I'm currently managing a situation that is really starting to put me at the end of my rope.

I am the only male working in a clinic/urgent care; I am studying to be a FNP and am the only RN (aside from NPs) in a clinic with LPNs and medical assistants. I work in a managerial capacity ensuring that patient care is delivered effectively and safely in a streamlined manner in addition to occasional odds and ends in actual practice. I started as a medical assistant at this clinic while in nursing school and worked my way up to where I am today and am continuing to work towards becoming a provider.

I'm noticing a split with the girls at work - one half is very open and willing to work with me to build our success and the other half wants to bicker and complain and fight me on policies that are set outside of my control. One of the girls in particular is giving me the most grief right now and she frequently stirs the others up.

She's roughly the same age as me (mid-late 20s) and says she started working as a medical assistant when she was around 16, eventually going no further in education than becoming a certified medical assistant. She moved from another state where she had more liberties (such as administering medications) and a more hands-on role in lab work. In our state medical assistants can't administer injections and that's just the way it is. For the most part, her job falls into reception type duties and phlebotomy.

She initially expressed dissatisfaction with this, so I took measures to involve her more in the lab as well as clarifying that she could draw up meds provided there was documentation she had been trained to do so, it was not a controlled substance, and that another nurse checked behind her. After that she still persisted in complaining about how she was not challenged in her job and how stupid it was that she couldn't do what she knew she could do; further she complained the LPNs were keeping her out of the loop on doing lab type stuff. I had a talk with my LPNs to reiterate that if they needed a hand to let the medical assistant know.

I was only half surprised to find that they tried to involve her, but she always made them feel like they were imposing on her and that she would make a fuss about how she couldn't leave reception and that it was on them if she got in trouble. So they just stopped going to her. As I looked further into it some of the others were lodging complaints that this girl had confronted them on numerous occasions accusing them of talking about her because they were either ending conversations when she walked past or were attempting to keep from grand standing with patient details that didn't directly concern her.

This girl comes in to work and is distantly cordial and she is sharp at what she can do lab wise, but there's something missing in her attitude. Ask her to help with something, she sighs heavily, will roll her eyes (and think I can't see her out of the corner of my eye) and just gives off the overall energy of a bad apple.

She complains about everything. This past week I listened to her complain about having to work the day before and the day after Thanksgiving and when I offered to see if someone would switch with her she refused and continued to complain. She complained to me, her other co-workers and one of the providers about how sorry it is that our boss insists on being up, but isn't working herself. She complains because her pay is low and that if the boss didn't go buy a new dress or eat out maybe the pay would be better. etc etc etc

She complains that no one helps her, but she never indicates she requires assistance. I finally had her convinced if she was unhappy with how her professional life was going she would have to do something to change it and so she enrolled in college (part time) again with the hope of becoming a RN because as she said "if they let you in, they would be crazy to not take me." Now she complains about how hard it is to work and go to school and it's stupid that she has to do it because she knows what she's doing, etc. etc. Never mind that I did her job while going to school full time and am still going to school full time as well as working full time.

What started out as passive aggressive behavior and backhanded compliments when dealing with me is now progressing to more and more hostile behavior and speech. She ignores me if I ask her something or she'll just turn around and walk off if I'm in the middle of talking to her. She goes around me completely on tasks and problems that I specifically handle in the clinic, so I'm always out of the loop.

I've tried focusing on her positives and made it a priority to catch her doing things right and letting her know what a good job she's doing and she smarts back about how I'm just trying to brown nose. So I can't win with this girl and it's about to make me physically ill.

The rock and the hard place I'm stuck between is that the boss likes her and thinks she's smart and sharp; from a professional clinical stand point I agree that she has valuable skills, but I'm worried that her personality is gonna be a problem not just for me, but the patients as well. She wants to be taking vital signs and brief HPIs and I'm not okay with that because she's too abrasive and non-therapeutic in the dealings she already has with our patients.

With this girl on the clock, our no shows are at an all time low because she gets in there and gets the patients in by calling and following up with appointments.

If the decision were completely in my hands, I'd have fired her weeks ago. But at this point my hands are tied and I have to find a way to manage the situation better - any advice? I'm south of fed up with walking on egg shells around her by a few thousand miles.

[Guttercat, ASN, RN]

Sometimes complainers are just venting frustration. However, she sounds insecure, and miserable to be around all of the time.

Reasoning won't work with this one. She's sucking the life force out of everyone.

Deep breath, step back, reassess, and don't allow her the power to hold you emotionally or professionally hostage.

Good luck!

[TheOracle]

I appreciate the advice everyone! I feel the need to weigh in on the question of my "professionalism" in referring to the female gender as "girl." As the only boy in the clinic I am automatically set apart from the others. They group themselves together and refer to themselves as "the girls." In my dealings with them, I never make a reference to their gender yet my gender is always up for discussion. If the worst thing I do is, occasionally view girls/females as similar in regard to gender then I think I'm still ahead by a lot.

I could take the mindset of my boss who has made it very clear that she hates working with females as she finds them very irrational and nit picky and she has on more than one occasion pressured me to find more men for our clinics. So, given that viewpoint and the viewpoint of others I think I'm doing okay. I am sorry if you are offended by the word "girl" though. In my context it is merely to identify basic biological differences in our species and felt "females" would be a worse word choice.

[caliotter3]

I would continue to confront her and put counseling sessions in writing. If she calls you on the fact that nothing further is being done, simply remind her that the write-ups are being collected. You don't need to add the "for the time when somebody comes to their senses about firing you" part. She should be astute enough to get the hint. Whether she changes her behavior or not, at least you will have done your job to the full extent that you are capable of, and no one will be able to criticize you for not trying to make the entire practice more professional and stable.

[David13, MSN, RN]

I am sorry if you are offended by the word "girl" though. In my context it is merely to identify basic biological differences in our species and felt "females" would be a worse word choice.

How about "women"? Or, in my opinion, their gender was completely irrelevant to the discussion. They could have been referred to simply by their titles: LPN, Medical Assistant, etc.

I know this is a side issue in this particular posting, but both the use of the word "girls" and the possessive "my" when referring to staff members of any gender (as in "my LPNs") has always appeared unprofessional to my ear. Just my .

[netglow, ASN, RN]

I don't care about the "girls" thing. If they are girls, they are.

Oracle,

Your MA needs to continue her edu. if she wants a broader scope within your practice. Simple. It's all on her, just like it is/was all on you and your LPNs, RNs, MDs etc.

I would not give her medication duties, or anything else to placate her AT ALL.

Don't pander to those that whine. Just like a small child you must help them clarify what they need to do themselves in order to become eligible for things. Once she takes control of herself and her own career, as well as work on her professionalism, then she might be considered for other things. Have a talk with the person who "likes" her, and be firm there as well.

You the boss, remember that.

[mazy]

No, as a manager he should make a point not to refer to the adults he works with as "girls". That's not a little nitpicky thing, that's basic respect in a professional environment. I'm not convinced it's the root of the problem with the MA, but I cringed every time he wrote it.

I agree with this. For some reason this issue has been coming up a lot on the site these days. He is a manager, he needs to refer to staff in a professional way, and not just to their faces. The use of the term is indicative of an attitude that can poison a professional environment.

Everything else he is saying indicates that he is trying to handle this professionally, but if he is somehow conveying this attitude to staff, then all of that goes out the window.

It is a really big deal. I'm wondering if she is behaving the way she is because she has become resentful and doesn't know how to address this issue and is now just acting out. Poor coping skills, but she's young and he is her boss and I can see that from her end she might percieve his behavior as being passive aggressive.

[mazy]

I appreciate the advice everyone! I feel the need to weigh in on the question of my "professionalism" in referring to the female gender as "girl." As the only boy in the clinic I am automatically set apart from the others. They group themselves together and refer to themselves as "the girls." In my dealings with them, I never make a reference to their gender yet my gender is always up for discussion. If the worst thing I do is, occasionally view girls/females as similar in regard to gender then I think I'm still ahead by a lot.

I could take the mindset of my boss who has made it very clear that she hates working with females as she finds them very irrational and nit picky and she has on more than one occasion pressured me to find more men for our clinics. So, given that viewpoint and the viewpoint of others I think I'm doing okay. I am sorry if you are offended by the word "girl" though. In my context it is merely to identify basic biological differences in our species and felt "females" would be a worse word choice.

Women. The word is women.

[nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN]

There are a lot of resources on "Toxic" work relationships on the net. People like this drive away good employees, people coming in to be interviewed take one look and say, "H to the no!" so you tend to get employees like Miss Toxic. Pretty soon your smooth running operation looks like the safety crew on the Titanic -- clueless and useless.

Set strict guidelines, and hold her to them. Passive/aggressive folks get worse the nicer you are to them -- they view civility as weakness, and kindness as proof they're better than you are. Firm boundaries, set expectations and don't change them because she doesn't like them. Every time she whines about how she can't do what she used to, point out there's openings at X, Y, or Z, or perhaps she could contact her old employer to see if she can get her old job back. People like this want you to tell the, "no, we want you, we need you, " pet - pet - pet - stroke - stroke - stroke.

People like this will ultimately destroy a workgroup. I've seen it happen. Stop it now, or she will make you hate to get up and go to work in the morning.

[diva rn, BSN, RN]

I agree with this. For some reason this issue has been coming up a lot on the site these days. He is a manager, he needs to refer to staff in a professional way, and not just to their faces. The use of the term is indicative of an attitude that can poison a professional environment.

Everything else he is saying indicates that he is trying to handle this professionally, but if he is somehow conveying this attitude to staff, then all of that goes out the window.

It is a really big deal. I'm wondering if she is behaving the way she is because she has become resentful and doesn't know how to address this issue and is now just acting out. Poor coping skills, but she's young and he is her boss and I can see that from her end she might percieve his behavior as being passive aggressive.

I agree with Mazy..I, too, took offense to the reference to "the girls"...but even more so to the reference to "his LPNS"...um, they are not your LPNs, they are fellow professionals who work at the same establishment you do. If you come off as condescending in person as you do in this post, I am not surprised there is dissention in the office.

I know you are young, perhaps you are overcompensating for this? Please try to use more mature terminology when addressing or referencing your co workers...they are co workers...not YOUR workers...

[PetsToPeople]

There are a lot of resources on "Toxic" work relationships on the net. People like this drive away good employees, people coming in to be interviewed take one look and say, "H to the no!" so you tend to get employees like Miss Toxic. Pretty soon your smooth running operation looks like the safety crew on the Titanic -- clueless and useless.

Set strict guidelines, and hold her to them. Passive/aggressive folks get worse the nicer you are to them -- they view civility as weakness, and kindness as proof they're better than you are. Firm boundaries, set expectations and don't change them because she doesn't like them. Every time she whines about how she can't do what she used to, point out there's openings at X, Y, or Z, or perhaps she could contact her old employer to see if she can get her old job back. People like this want you to tell the, "no, we want you, we need you, " pet - pet - pet - stroke - stroke - stroke.

Well said!

[TheOracle]

Ladies and gentlemen, people, humans -whatever is not an offensive term: what I said would be no different from my "woman" boss saying I'm her "boy" or "guy" or calling me "her" medical assistant or "her" RN except that in this case I happen to be a guy who sought some advice among peers. I feel like I wouldn't have been called out on this had I been a woman.

My choice of words in an internet forum were just words to try and communicate a situation. My apologies for allowing my political correctness to lapse momentarily. I in no way meant to imply that women were girls or vice versa or that I view any woman as my personal property.

Now back on point - I agree that I should choose my words carefully when I deal with subordinates, which is where the medical assistants and LPNs have been placed in the hierarchy in this practice in relation to me -politically correct or not and all gender aside.

At the end of the day I am the boss and if doing the job according to standards set by federal regulations, nursing practice, and our own clinical practice board is too much then they will each need to find another place of employment. I'd really like to enjoy a meeting of the minds with the team and try my best to facilitate that, but the long and short of it is that if they insist on an organizational pyramid, they'll find me at the top.

[damrcngrl95]

So far you have been given some good advise about writing her up and not coddling her. Some people are just emotional vampires. When I was an office manager I had a toxic person hired by my boss. She was all sweet to my boss and then vinegar to the rest of us. She felt that she didn't have to listen to anything I had to say. My office wasn't at the main office. So I told my boss what was going on and that I wanted her fired or moved to another office. The boss brought her to the main office where she tried the same stuff their with that office manager. She didn't last a week. I don't think that you or your office staff should have to put up with her attitude. I would document her out of a job or into a change of attitude. I had a niece that was very smart and great at her job as a Dental Hygienist, but her mouth caused her to lose a great job. As one person pointed out, there are too many people wanting a job that you shouldn't have to put up with a bad attitude. Maybe this could be pointed out to your boss before she ends up losing good workers who can work well with others.