Stuttering Stupid Nurse

[pearlgarden]

So...I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. I think I just need to get this out. If you judge me for my decision then you judge me but know that I am hurting inside and feel hopeless.

I have a stutter and it's worse when I'm nervous. I'm a recent new grad and got my first job as an RN in May 2012 and I knew that my stutter was going to make it difficult at times to talk to patients, doctors, coworkers, and family members but I never thought that it would be this hard. There were times when I couldn't even say "Hi my name is.." or "I have some medication for you" and when it did happen the patients would look at me and wonder what was wrong with me or maybe they thought I was dumb or incompetent because of my stutter. And to make matters worse speaking Spanish is a must in my area and I stutter a lot worse when attempting to speak the little Spanish I know. The look on the patients face of confusion/doubt was the worst.

My coworkers started to notice and I heard one of them announcing to the other nurses there "dude, she talks all stupid." and they laughed...I pretended not to notice but ended up tearing up in the bathroom. I can't begin to explain how hard it is to speak as a person who stutters (I think only a stutterer would understand). I've tried hard to find ways to hide it and when someone notices it it completely embarrasses me and devastates me. I admitted a patient the other day the charge nurse wanted to see me do it and I stuttered so bad and then she called in an experienced nurse to finish up the admit assessment. The patient said "oh thank god. you seem to have better speech than this one" I shrugged it off. but called in sick to the work the next day. I quickly became depressed and doubted my ability to ever be a nurse if I can't even communicate effectively and I was highly stressed. The skills weren't the problem but the communication was. So before giving myself I chance, I quit.

And I don't know whether or not to pursue with nursing or to try something...anything else but every job requires speaking. I know I didn't even give myself a chance and I feel absolutely terrible that I did quit. I guess I just want to know if anyone else stutters here or knows someone who stutters. I already feel stupid for quitting and I know that I shouldn't have so please don't be mean about it.

[threebrats46]

I stutter and I am so sorry about the reaction you are getting from ppl. I do get the same stares esp in the very beginning of my career. It helps to slow down think about what you want to state before you start..but sometimes even when you think things through it just comes out. With lots of practice my stutters has become much less of a problem. Practice talking to people,practice in the mirror. Practice medical terminology pronounciations,practice Spanish. Also look up Toastmasters ---they are nationwide and a great club to join to practice speaking..give it a shot its cheap enough! Good Luck!

[Newgrad_STAT]

OH MAN!!

I stutter and have stuttered my whole life.

I wish I could have out grew it like some other people... but no such luck.

I'm also a new nurse and I work on the float pool team for a large trauma hospital... so I float to all different floors:uhoh3:.

wow sometimes my stutter is quite bad and other days not so noticeable.

I always wonder what people think when they hear me stutter. I stutter the most when I'm on the phone... boy is it BAD sometimes.

Sometimes I get so down about it but what can you do... this is the way God made us (for a reason... :uhoh21:) I just tell myself I'm doing the best I can do... and sometimes just laugh it off

But yeah nobody really knows how it is... sometimes it's like hell

I've only "met" one other nurse who stuttered and that was back when I was doing my CPR as a 1st yr nursing student. Never saw her again. Her stutter was quite bad and strangely when I heard her stutter I didn't...

anyways, glad to know I'm not the only one :redbeathe

[timmedico]

I stutter at time too, especially when I'm stressed or nervous. I think what helps me most is trying to keep calm (deep breathes, etc) and talking slower. I'm sorry people were making fun, as it is not professional and is quite rude. The anxiety is what prompts it; from there fear of stuttering kicks in and then you feel the way that you've explained. Like others have said, speech therapy might help...but maybe you could find a method that works for you. :) :hug:

[nurs1ng]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I agree with other posters - seek therapy and see if that helps.

I think a major contributing factor for triggering your stuttering is the fact that you're a new grad. Be as confident as you can in every situation. Also when you encounter patients, let this concern be known ahead of time so they know that you are not stupid or dumb.

Wishing you the best of luck.

[KendallAZ]

I have ADHD and have had it since I can remember. In school I was made fun of all the time because I could never concentrate (teacher would call on me and I never knew the answer or what we just talked about and was punished frequently for it) and constantly failed every test and quiz because I just couldn't remember anything. I got on medication my last year of high school and it was like night and day. When I started college I got off the medication because I was embarrased to be "old" and taking ADHD meds. People can really mentally beat you down, but it made me stronger. What I learned is that my condition is not my fault and if there are meds that help me then I am going to take them. Like, JazzRN said yoga and meditation really helped me and I only take a low dose now.

I applaud your courage to open up about it and have sympathy for the hurt you're feeling. I hope you can find something that works for you.:hug:

[pearlgarden]

Thank you everyone. This has really helped. You have no idea how nice it has been to get this out and to have such a great response.

[merlee]

If you had high BP or diabetes you would keep taking your meds. As long as you are not dragged down by them, then take them.

Seek out a support group in your city. And get whatever type of therapy is appropriate for your problem.

Go back to your job, make an appointment with HR and TELL THEM what happened. They need to know how their employees acted. Do not be afraid, this will empower you for the future. If they allow you to come back to work then do it.

Take up singing lessons, or any rhythmic activity.

Keep writing - you have some talent there!

Best wishes.

[marty6001, EdD, EMT-P, APRN]

Keep this in the front of your mind. Your patients need you. They don't care if you have short hair or long. If your tall or short. If you stutter or not. They care only that you are professional, intelligent, caring, and can help. People, especially nurses, who want to single other out for their flaws are in the wrong profession. You are a nurse. You make a difference in people's lives just by showing up for work everyday.... Ignore ignorance and in fact, I would report the person who made that comment to HR.

[Judy Kuster]

@pearlgarden

I'm a speech therapist (retired from university teaching). It is perfectly understandable why your fluency is more compromised in a new career and dealing with people like your very ignorant and insensitive co-worker. You have received a LOT of good information from this list, with only a few things I'll add. It is not defeat to talk to your doctor about whether meds for anxiety are appropriate for you. If they helped in the past, they may be helpful now as well. Some who stutter find meds for anxiety helpful in managing their stuttering. The suggestion to visit with a speech therapist is also a very good idea. In fact, you might check if your hospital has an SLP you can visit with. There are also support organizations for stuttering. The National Stuttering Association is excellent and has many support groups around the country. Their website is National Stuttering Association (NSA): Stuttering Help. In fact, next week there is a national conference in Florida where about 500 people from many walks of life, including nurses and medical doctors that I know, will be meeting for learning, support, and continuing friendships. Also, find places to learn as much as you can about stuttering. There is a LOT of information online. The Stuttering Foundation (https://stutteringhelp.org) also has a lot of good, and inexpensive, material, including a couple of things you might consider running off to give to the ignorant co-worker - How to react when speaking with someone who stutters (How to React) and Stuttering: Answers for Employers).

[iamapatient]

Hi,

I'm not a nurse, but I am someone who stutters. I know exactly what you're talking about and know how painful it is. People are mean to begin with, but they're even meaner (a lot meaner) to people who stutter. People who don't stutter themselves don't understand this.

As I would imagine you already know, speech therapy doesn't work. Stuttering less is not a realistic option.

However, here are some encouraging things to keep in mind:

1) As far as dealing with your coworkers/supervisors goes: you are protected by the law. Approach HR and tell them what happened. Those b-----s don't need to like you, but they do need to treat you respectfully. As a law abiding citizen, you are entitled to that.

2) As far as dealing with your patients goes: believe me, they care much more about the service you can provide to them than whether or not you stutter. Try telling them in advance that you stutter. For example, when you walk into their room for the first time, say, "Hi, I'm your nurse and I'm here to help you. I also just want to let you know that I have a speech disorder and so may speak slowly." That will take a lot of the pressure off. Then, focus on being the best nurse you can be. So many times, nurses act passive aggressively toward their patients. I've had horrible experiences with most nurses I've interacted with. You sound like a truly good person. A good nurse with a warm smile on her face and stutter is infinitely better than an evil b---- who speaks fluently and with attitude.

3) As far as dealing with the unavoidable pain of stuttering goes: remember that it will get better. As you become more familiar with your environment and the people you interact with, your stuttering will decrease back to what is normal for you.

Also, don't ever joke or imply that you are stupid ever again ("Stuttering Stupid Nurse"). You write well. I can tell just from reading your post that you're intelligent and goodhearted. If you didn't stutter, you would probably be a pediatrician. You're orders of magnitude better than the nasty b-----s who you work with.

Stuttering is our struggle. Other people (including so-called "speech therapists") simply can't understand what we go through. It is our daily life and death battle.

Just so you know, I dealt with the same issues when I first graduate from school and started working. I ended up quitting my job and going back to school for computer science so that I could get a job as a software engineer and not need to talk at work. I have a great job in which I'm comfortable now, but I was defeated. I spent my whole life thinking I could eventually overcome my stuttering and I tried everything. I put more effort into overcoming my stuttering than everything else in my life combined (and I'm pretty accomplished). I recognize that I lost that battle. I've been a software engineer for several years now. Just a couple years ago, I came up with a strategy for dealing with my stuttering that has helped me a lot and has revolutionized my ability to speak. I'm not going to share that strategy with you here, but whatever you strategy is, good luck to you. I wish I could give you a hug and slap those nasty b-----s across their faces.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

First off, don't ever, ever, call yourself stupid. Your fluency disorder is not a reflection of your intelliegence as a nurse or as a person.

I echo the pp's who have directed you to a speech therapist. Your MD can refer you, and most are part of hospital's PT/Rehab departments. There are so many adults who have this issue (kids too). When "put on the spot" I can often word search. Can think of a million things I could say after the fact, but I am more comfortable writing as opposed to giving spot on answers. I am working on it. Lots of adults have conversation issues. Interestingly, with all of the texting, computer, online communication, this is becoming more and more of an issue for a number of people in various occupations.

The co-workers who made such inappropriate remarks are cruel. I feel for the poor patients that they care for. As I am sure you know, that is all about THEIR deficiencies as humans as opposed to your speech issues.

[systoly]

look, you made it through school

the stuttering clearly can't stop you

forgive those who have, are and will use their gift

of speech to hurt and inflict pain

and proof them wrong

i couldn't help think of Rocky Balboa when i read your article

your like Rocky to me

now win