What I did today was just terrible, inconsiderate, and unprofessional. I did not think about the patient,nurses, or any other colleagues. Today I was assigned to work as a sitter ( which I don't like at all). The only thing I love about sitting is the fact that I'm able to take care of the patient. However, I go through so much as a sitter. Sitters are not treated with respect we are the at the very bottom of the health care team and treated as such. As a new grad, I'm so eager to do more... however I know thats not possible until I get licensed. Anyway, I go through alot emotionally just to sit. Sitters have to sit with the patient 12 hours and thats it. If the patient is busy then I love it, but when the patient is calm thats when it gets really boring. I'm a busy body and for me sit for 12 hours is just torture.
Anyway, today I was called to sit 7a-7p. I walk in the staffing office receive my assignment and walk out. When I walk out, I realize that I'm to sit with a pysch patient. All of a sudden, I can feel the blood rushing to my head and I felt whoozy. Psych is just not for me. I've worked as a sitter with a psych patient before and it really affected me pyschologically. So instead of just walking back into the staffing office and requesting another patient, I just ran out the hospital and broke down in my car.
A few minutes later I called my agency to let them know the horrible thing I did, and I also notified the staffing office.
I feel very bad and I even questioned if nursing was for me. I never thought I would do something so bad and unprofessional. I believe they were able to find coverage for the patient, but I still feel terrible.
Maybe nursing isn't for me....
I lived on the streets when I was a teenager, and I met a lot of homeless mentally ill. I befriended a few. I remember my friend Danny, who one moment was walking on the beach discussing world events with Princess Diana, then the next moment would be somewhere in New Zealand observing the local fauna. I would listen to his narrative, almost able to imagine myself there with him, when he would suddenly stop and say "Where are you?", as if expecting me to be in some faroff land doing something interesting instead of just being in the same room sitting next to him. Then there was Rapunzel, who dressed in rags from head to toe, never let anyone see her eat, and when she wasn't drawing schematics for her solar powered utopian bubble, was in the bathtub taking a hot soak. Shy, quiet Vince rarely shared his thoughts with anyone, walking around with his head down and his eyes on the ground, but occasionally he would take too many of his Xanax and hallucinate the raisins sitting on the table as spiders, or that the Grateful Dead were evil spirit guides. Then there was the time I crashed in a squatter's house, where a lot of the homeless would sleep when it got cold. I must have taken Lurch's spot, because he stood over me breathing heavily, not saying a word, while I laid there pretending to sleep because I was scared, until someone else told Lurch "leave her alone".
I think 13 is awfully young to have been exposed to serious mental health issues, and I'm sorry that happened to you. It really shouldn't have.
Maybe when you're sitting, it's a feeling of being trapped in a scary situation with a scary person, like when you were 13?
I'm wondering if there is a way you can transform your traumatic experience into something powerful that you can use in your life in a positive way?
Last edit by Virgo_RN on Aug 15, '09