Having a hard time making "friends" with colleagues

ORNurseCOS · Jan 20, 2015

Are you a man or a women?

vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN · Jan 20, 2015

I would just be nice and friendly. If you try to push your way into their "clique" or circle, you might not be well received.

I think that if you just try to fit in and be nice, (kiss orifice) eventually, they'll come around.

And if they don't, forget about trying to be their friend, and just do a really good job as a nurse. Be helpful and upbeat and friendly. It worked for me.

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Jan 20, 2015

I disagree that it 'shouldn't matter' if you feel frozen out by the other nurses. It does matter. Your co-workers are people you need to be able to rely upon and vice versa. I don't understand that clique mentality at all, you'd think that a new nurse would be a positive thing on your unit, maybe you'll be able to get your exact vacation request now that staffing is par!

You're right that you aren't there to play with your friends, but unfortunately this does happen on some staffs and I would feel just like you. I am probably a couple of decades older than you and less easily intimidated by snark and cliquishness but I wasn't always. I'm still not loving that attitude at all, and would feel just like you do.

I agree with the above comment about being positive, friendly, polite, respectful and -- do a little favor for someone. Nothing huge! Just a little thing. "Want me to flush your IV in rm 304, it's beeping" or buy some candy in the gift shop and pour it in a bowl for everyone. Some nurses collect together in cliques out of pure self defense. Fears of being 'written up' for not crossing every t is common, unfortunately. Just know this has NOTHING to do with you, your qualities as a person or a nurse. If you have giant boogers hanging out of your nose though, that might account for some of it but if that isn't the case, consider the source. Act like you are JUST FINE with whatever one word reply, thank them, openly appreciate them without over doing it, and they'll see that you are 'safe' soon enough :)

nurse1990 · Jan 23, 2015

Thanks for the responses! I am trying to be as nice and friendly. And they are nice back, just not very inclusive. Hopefully this will wear off over time :)

vanilla bean · Jan 23, 2015

Be patient and give it some time. As PPs have said, try to stay positive and be helpful. Try to make individual connections with some of the nurses and show some interest in them and possibly their hobbies or families. If you can find a common thread with some of them, they may start to warm up a bit. Even a few brief conversations over time can help. If you can get one or two on your side, they may make an effort to include you when together in a group.

StarShineRN · Jan 23, 2015

It's a lot harder to make friends with a group than it is individuals. Look to make friends one person at a time, when the group dynamic isn't turned on and people are feeling defensive of their territory and their friends. Until you are a friend, you will be perceived as a threat (for whatever reason) when they are all together. But separately, that won't apply. Show interest in the individuals. Be nice. Ask to help. Compliment compliment compliment!

HolyPeas · Jan 23, 2015

Dont press too much. Keep your head down and work hard. This is sort of natural, unpleasant as it is. Offer a hand when you are available, take care of the patients, give it time. If things on the unit are generally positive they probably just need time to get to know you.

Libby1987 · Jan 23, 2015

They're probably not so great at making friends themselves. Who knows what it took for them to become tight.

I tend to be careful around new nurses, it just takes awhile to build that comfort and familiarity. And trust. I can't get friendly with new employees before I know things like their work ethic amd such. Not that I'm unfriendly, but there's a guard there.

Just keep at it with the normal amount of nods and smiles.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Jan 23, 2015

I am not sure you want to be inclusive. If they are being nice and kind, there's a sense of teamwork, just not getting you in on their conversation--I would just let it go.

Make sure your life outside of work is full. Inside work, polite, professional and team-work oriented is the goal.

I have gone into evaluations and have had positive comments regarding my non-participation in the chit/chat stuff--there's many surveys that come back with patients who say "the nurses where chatting and laughing at the nurse's station and I was ignored!" perceptions of care issues--I will say hi, I smile, nod, and go about my day. There can be great teamwork without the personal connection. Your personal connections should be outside of the workplace.

Best wishes!

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Jan 23, 2015

I am not sure you want to be inclusive. If they are being nice and kind, there's a sense of teamwork, just not getting you in on their conversation--I would just let it go.
Make sure your life outside of work is full. Inside work, polite, professional and team-work oriented is the goal.
I have gone into evaluations and have had positive comments regarding my non-participation in the chit/chat stuff--there's many surveys that come back with patients who say "the nurses where chatting and laughing at the nurse's station and I was ignored!" perceptions of care issues--I will say hi, I smile, nod, and go about my day. There can be great teamwork without the personal connection. Your personal connections should be outside of the workplace.
Best wishes!

THIS-well said.

There are ways to socialize outside of your job, even with fellow nurses; you don't necessarily have to socialize with those nurses, only except for clinical reasons.

I'm in the camp that another poster stated-don't press it.