Confrontation with bullies at work place; need advice with next step

I'm a new grad, and have been working as a new nurse for early 5 months. I've heard a lot regarding "nurses eat their young" before I stepped a foot into this profession, however, I didn't quite comprehend the significant meaning behind it until I have personally experienced it at my work place. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

Dear readers,

I'm a new grad, and have been working as a new nurse for early 5 months. I've heard a lot regarding "nurses eat their young" before I stepped a foot into this profession, however, I didn't quite comprehend the significant meaning behind it until I have personally experienced it at my work place.

She's one of my preceptors when I initially started working there. As a new grad, I anticipated a lot of support, a hand of guidance, and patience, however, after a period of time spending with her, sadly to say, she had successfully made my life miserable, and made me feel extremely unwelcome. At a point I even contemplated whether this is what nursing is about. I lost my eager passion for nursing. Initially, I would greet her with a hi and bye whenever I see, and her reaction to my greetings were very indifferent and sometimes she would just look at me and turned away. Ultimately, It made me feel very embarrassed in front of everyone, several times, I thought to myself, why am I so persistent with her? why am I so desperate to get her approval? Why am I let her put me down again, and again? For what?

So yesterday was the climax of this bullying business, or perhaps, put an end to my misery. First, I walked in on her gossiping about me with another co-worker in the nursing station. At that moment, I just looked at them both in disbelief. Secondly, what really ignited my untold emotions was with a patient's IV antibiotic. Another co-worker, let's name her B, whom I gave report to, also a close friend to hers, and her (A) were discussing that she discovered that there's very fluid backed up, about 5ml, in a 3g Unasyn bottle which was attached to the 100ml 0.9% sodium Chloride. Be mindful, I gave all my reports already, had to stay to hang another bag because another co-worker © was complaining that I should have done that during my shift, of course, I willingly agreed to change the IV bag. It was close to 8am in the morning, I was preparing to head back to the locker room, when I heard my name, I looked up it was nurse A calling for me to go to nurse B. They knew exactly what to do with the bag, but had me call the Pharmacy and bring it down to the Pharmacy department to have them show me how.

On my way down, I was so upset, tears were inevitably rolling down my cheeks. My nursing educator saw me. She told me that she heard a calling from God and saw me standing in a corner crying. I thank God that she saw me. After hearing what had happened, she furiously took me upstairs and called in each person for confrontation. My manager was there at the time of event. My former preceptor, nurse A, admitted that she was closed off to me, and it all started when she first precepted and perceived my attitude and action as not receptive to her teachings. I stood there shaking my head while listening to her complains. So my manager inquired when all of this was going on, how come as a senior nurse, especially a preceptor, she didn't express it to her when they had meetings together. In addition, she fabricated more lies about me not giving her full reports in the morning. I voiced myself and said it loud and clear in front of everyone that every time we sat down to give her reports, she's either not listening attentively and in the middle of giving reports, she would turn away to start conversing with another nurse, or snatching reports from my hand and telling me she knows the patient and need no more reports from me.

I've been thinking a lot. I don't know if I can still work on that unit anymore. I don't know if I should transfer to another unit, or apply to another hospital. I know distinctively that these nasty people are everywhere, but especially, since the confrontation and mediation took place, I'm not anticipating my work life to be any more easier or comfortable on that unit. Words will spread like feathers throughout the whole unit. I don't know how people will view me after this incident. Perhaps, using higher authority to report the "bullies"?

I feel lonelier than ever. It makes me dread going to work everyday. Please help!

Sincerely,

Your desperate fellow nurse

To Ruby Vee:

I could not disagree with this more. It does not sound like the OP was saying the preceptor should have held her hand and sang soothing songs to her, coddled her, etc. It is not asking a lot to be treated with respect and patience. Yes, you can control your own emotions, but bullying is a completely different thing. It is only natural to not want to disappoint your preceptor or manager--it's not necessarily a character flaw. Especially as a new nurse! I sincerely hope you are not a preceptor.

That is so tough for you to go in to face that treatment each working day, there are many who wouldn't. I also experienced a similar enviornment on the unit I worked on for the first 18months after graduation. It was a very hard time and I felt so isolated, but you will still learn from what you have worked through and it will always stand to you as you move through your career, the best of luck :nurse:

Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.

once again this is called "lateral abuse" :argue: therefore, the only way to deal with this is by keeping a daily report with time & date and the names of those present during the bullying. having said that, you'll have proof when your manager or don asked "when did this happened?" moreover, regarding you leaving i say no,no no no, that's exactly what the perpetrator wants, to demonstrate to others that she/he is in control. consequently, you'll find these types of bullying wherever you may go. in addition, my advise to you is don't let anyone intimidate you, just make sure your work is completely done every time; that leaves them without any ammunition. wishing you the best always ...aloha~

Specializes in Med-Surg.

I too am a new nurse (9 months) and have the "meanie Nurses" on my shift. My advise is to do the best you can with the situation and apply for jobs elsewhere. I'm not going to be talked about, ignored, and given a heavier work load and be happy with it. I'm moving on as soon as I can get on somewhere else. Until then, I keep quiet, I don't work extra days, and stay away from the nurses station the best I can. Management knows about the bullying issues and does nothing to correct it (they are happy to have warm bodies). The loss is theirs, the money spent to put me through school (yes, this hospital paid my tuition), orienting me, and putting me on payroll was not cheap! But I am not staying at a company that has employees that are down right mean to their co-workers. MOVE ON!!!

Specializes in ER.

Sounds like you got a raw deal with your preceptor. Hope they relocate her, not you. Hold your head high and don't let this witch get you down. Not all nurses are like her. Do your job and go home, don't worry about being accepted or friends w/ your coworkers. You need to be able to work with them, but you don't have to like them. Hope your manager/educator takes care of this too. Demand a new preceptor. Good luck. We've all been there. It gets better.

Specializes in ER.

no, you are wrong. The OP does not need to, and should not take it. Period.

Specializes in ER.
You need to grow a thick skin.If you are going to analyze things such as saying hi and bye you are going to be very unhappy.You can't take everything personally.Gossip? get used to it.There is always some.Just do your job and ignore the rest.Nurse managers are not teachers on the play ground and you can't run to them whining that the other kids aren't playing nice.

meant to quote you - see my above post.

Specializes in ER.
Oh yeah, it's never bullying unless it's the ignorant new nurses or students trying to steal the jobs of the ever-so-wise experienced nurses who are always justified in their episodes of hostility because it is so difficult for them to deal with these idiot new nurses.

LMAO.

Specializes in ER.
I am not sure if you are being bullied or are just being treated rudely. I'm sorry that your first experience as a nurse is not as supportive as you imagined. New nurses have enough problems to overcome just learning how to be a nurse without all the additional stress.

I had similar problems as you, with one particular nurse. However, she was fairly rude to everyone, but when I hired in with 5 other new grads, she zeroed in on me as the "weak link", I guess, and made me miserable. Everyone else saw it, too - guess I was just the lucky one.

I'm not sure I have any advice for you, except you really do need that thicker skin. In my case, I just tried to ignore her rudeness and I never confronted her. Over time, she got better with me, but I was always on edge around her. After two years, I transferred. With much more confidence and experience behind me, I would never tolerate that kind of behavior from anyone.

Hopefully things will get better for you. Keep your head up, ask lots of questions, and try your best. Hopefully you can find someone on your unit to give you the support that you need!

and is not being consistently rude also bullying in the workplace, especially when it was a preceptor??

and is not being consistently rude also bullying in the workplace, especially when it was a preceptor??

No, it's not bullying. It's being rude.

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

Here is where I struggle with the whole "bullying" term.

Someone who is "being bullied" is a victim.

Someone who is a victim is then by definition helpless to something that has happened or is happening to them.

I do not believe the OP, or most nurses being "bullied", are actually helpless. I also do not believe that everyone gets bullied and that it is just part of nursing culture.

I do believe there are a lot of people out there with poor self esteem, with fear of confrontation, with timidity or other inability, fear of or lack of desire to stand up for themselves etc. I believe those are issues that can be worked out and changed. And I believe if one is able to do that, then one need not be "victimized" by mean/rude/unkind people anymore. Nobody can control another person, but everyone can control themselves. One can't value oneself so poorly as to refuse to stand up for oneself or refuse to face the demon of confrontation but then cry out because nobody else will fight that battle for them. By and large we are all broken in some way. Ever see the movie Crash? Everyone is a demon and an angel in their own right.

It is not excusing the rude people to accept that one cannot influence how they act or force certain behaviors. It is not rolling over and accepting a culture of incivility either. Quite the opposite. If everyone would respectfully demand professional courtesy (and this can be done in a variety of ways, not just head butting), then professional courtesy becomes the norm. And if one finds oneself in a place where that is just not possible, then one finds a way to survive until one can move on. Continuing to "take it" is not an option. But expecting someone else to "fix it" isn't either.

LuLuLucy,

I have been a Nurse for over 20 years and I can assure you that the person who bullied you will have a history of the same behavior with other people. She is mean spirited and lacks confidence. Why do you think she is putting you down? It's (sadly) her way of making her feel better.

Keep doing a good job at work and remember that we are not perfect. If a nurse has never admitted to a mistake, she is not being honest.

People are afraid of someone who bullies others and are probably afraid to speak up. I takes time,

but it does catch up with them. Managers do believe you when they see a repeated behavior, so it's good that they know what happened to you. You don't have to be overly nice to her. Just be respectful and professional. But tell her if she is being rude and unprofessional with you. Sometimes that is all it takes, because she really doesn't have much confidence if she is putting you down!