Can't Shake Off Rude Patient

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Although I'm not yet an RN, I am working as a CNA to gain some experience before I start nursing school. I need some advice. I dealt with a patient yesterday and today that I can't seem to shake off. I overheard her mention to another resident that I was pretty much a horrible CNA. She also made a comment about my weight which hit me really hard, because I have gained some weight. This morning, I knew was going to be hard because I was assigned to her. I woke her up and immediately she started making comments about how she didn't want me and "oh God, what had she done to deserve this?" I think there are two reasons why this is really bothering me. She used to be a former nurse and she treats the other members of the staff with respect so obviously she has a personal issue with me. I guess I value her opinion of me because she was a former nurse. A close friend I confided in outside of work said, "she is probably just a grouchy lady," but she appears to be respectful to other members of the staff when I watch her interact with them. I know this is partly a confidence issue and I need to learn how to deal with people not liking me, but I feel somewhere I went wrong with her. Maybe I acted too "new" around her, meaning I might have appeared clumsy and a little nervous and like I didn't know what I was doing. It was after all, only my 5th shift as a CNA and I am still learning how to get up 8 residents in an hour and keep all 15 objects I'm carrying in my scrub pockets from falling out (she acted like I was the worst person in the world when I accidentally dropped my pager on the floor). Anyone have a similar story or any advice to give? I feel like this is one of the first of many hard pills to swallow that nursing will present to me. I should say I am a male and she appears to not like a male taking care of her, but I have other residents that respectfully decline for me to bath or dress them and I am not bothered by that.

Specializes in ICU Stepdown.

Are you the only male that takes care of her? This could be a huge contributing factor. Are you the only new CNA? This could be it as well. Maybe she's like that with all new CNAs? I haven't had any residents be overtly rude with me but there is one who was a CNA for almost 20 years and she is very particular about everything. I stumbled around and had to keep asking if I was doing everything correctly for her and she wasn't as fond of me as the seasoned CNA who usually cares for her but as soon as I got the hang of things she began enjoying my company and we're pretty cordial now. I honestly wouldn't worry too much about the resident not liking you, she's just not used to you.

Raviepoo

318 Posts

Specializes in hospice.

I'm betting she has bipolar disorder.

Give it time. She'll warm up to you. There are going to be lots of patients like her. You have to find a way to let their disapproval roll off of you without penetrating.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN

1 Article; 20,908 Posts

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

Consider the source....let it go. You will NEVER please everyone and some/most of the general public is rude and thoughtless. Manners ans being respectful has vanished into thin air.

When she said "Oh God what have I done to deserve this" I would have smiled and stated " I am sorry you feel that way today is there something I can do to make things better for you today?" If she expounds that she doesn't want you to care for her...offer up the supervisor and see if you can get your assignment, at least for her, changed.

Consider the source...she is being a bully and she knows it bothers you.

bboy45

59 Posts

Thanks, I appreciate your reply. I am the only male that takes care of her. You arr probably right, I just need to move on. I do hope to keep working with her and maybe she will learn to appreciate me like she does the others.

Karou

700 Posts

Specializes in Med-Surg.

When I started out as a CNA I was eighteen, petite, and very naive. I encountered many residents like this working in LTC, but one that really got to me. She would refuse to allow me to put her to bed because I was too small, and she was afraid of falling. Which is understandable. But she would be so ugly and mean to me about it, she would constantly tell me that due to my size I should not be in the medical profession. She had friends and would get them in in this as well. If I were serving dinner I was too slow, didn't know their preferences, I was dumb, too young, ect... For Christmas her daughter bought all the staff presents except for me.

I can't tell you the huge amount of anxiety this caused me, and I did break down crying at work once.

Eventually I guess I got hardened to it. I knew I was learning, sucked it up, and got better. I was a good CNA and had strong rapport with most of my residents. Over time this one resident warmed to me, I became one of her favorites.

Don't let this get to you. You are learning, you will be slow and clumsy at first, then as you learn to multitask you will get better. The things we do... Seeing people naked, showering, cleaning an incontinent person, feeding someone, those are all intimate and personal things that are awkward at first. There is a learning curve.

There will be mean people out there. This resident is intelligent (retired nurse) and probably used to being a productive professional in her past. Now she is in a nursing home and living life from the other side. I could see this causing control issues for her since in many ways she is loosing control over her independence. She might act out, but don't take it personally. There could be psych history as well.

I would ignore her negative comments and continue to treat her politely and with respect. If she criticizes something you do reply, "thanks for pointing that out, I am still learning". If she says something really inappropriate then report it to your charge nurse. She may need someone to talk to her about her behavior towards you.

Sorry for rambling, I have been sick with the flu (brain is very fuzzy!) and hope this all make sense and helps you a little. Good luck!

bboy45

59 Posts

I didn't see all the other replies, thanks for all the advice. I like that... rolling off your back without penetrating. I will consider the source I understand a lot of these residents are going through a lot of personal issues but that would be easier to accept if she were rude to everyone. I was proud of the way I handled her today and I'll just have to keep handling her in that same way... calm cool and collected

bboy45

59 Posts

Thank you Karou for sharing your story. It makes mine feel small compared to yours. I never really thought about the control issues she might be feeling - that would be hard for anyone let alone someone who has taken care of people their whole life! Im glad you didn't listen to that patient and continued in healthcare. I admire you for that.

Blue Roses

116 Posts

Specializes in Rehab, Med-surg, Neuroscience.

If you have her again and she acts this way, try this:

1) get down on her level; sit on a chair or kneel on the floor, anything so that you're not towering over her making her feel uneasy

2) let your facial expression go soft and try to have a look of genuine concern (don't laugh, it helps to practice in front of a mirror)

3) gently ask her "I noticed that you (enter behavior here) and I wanted to ask if there is anything I've done to offend you, because I care about your feelings". Or something along those lines. And then correct the issue if you can.

I'm not an expert on human behavior, but on my unit I've found that you can kind or manipulate their feelings this way. If it doesn't work then it's probably a lost cause anyway so don't take it personally.

Emergent, RN

4,242 Posts

Specializes in ER.

At least she's not calling you the N word like I've heard some elderly racists do to non-white caregivers. Or sometimes visa versa with the Whites being called slurs by non-white patients.

She sounds like an old bully nurse to me. Bullies usually pick out one victim and are nice to the rest. She sounds like that type. I agree with some of the advise given above. Gently confront her on it, ask her what you can do to make her more comfortable, and if no resolution can be found, perhaps not being assigned to her might be a good solution.

SubSippi

909 Posts

People are weird. Who knows, you might remind her of her ex-husband. It's not a personal issue...because she doesn't know you!

When she starts up again just say, "Well I don't know why you don't like me, but I like you!" Act like you're happy to see her.

Also, maybe she doesn't like new people. She might just need to get used to you. Don't take it to heart, I promise you that anyone who works bedside has had patients or family members that just don't like them.

ceccia

269 Posts

what the ****. people like that should be thrown out into the street. unfortunately since that's not an option, you can probably easily get her to "fire" you.

Next time she starts acting like a rude POS to you, let her know very clearly and enthusiastically that she has the right to request another CNA. Offer to get the charge nurse for her so she can make the request official. Repeat the offer as needed, every time she says or does something nasty to you. "Remember, you have the right to request a different CNA! You're obviously not satisfied with me, so why don't I get my boss in here and you can tell her you want someone else."

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