"Nurses are so Mean" - page 16

I wish I had a dollar for every post I've read claiming that "nurses are so mean," "nurses are nasty to each other," "nurses eat their young" or "my preceptor is picking on me for no good reason." ... Read More

  1. by   nursel56
    Quote from ruby vee
    i think you missed the whole point. we don't hate you because you're beautiful. we're annoyed as heck with you because you blather on and on all the time about how beautiful you (think) you are.
    pretty much everyone who commented recently missed the point -- a thorough and well-written article about what may be the root causes (other than that old hackneyed catch-all phrase of "eating their young") of behavior interpreted by new people as bullying, lateral violence, etc. alas it has turned into another *****-fest by people who can't grasp the concept of "it really isn't always all about you and your grievances". there are thousands of threads/posts about how horrible preceptors/co-workers are. this article was an attempt to offer another viewpoint and food for thought.
    Last edit by nursel56 on Nov 17, '11
  2. by   TigerLilie
    Hi Ruby Vee,

    Thank for sharing your article. I enjoyed. As a current new grad registered nurse I don't feel ALL nurse's eat their young, at times some nurse's do. I totally understand that we all have our bad days and sometimes can be cranky and rude. The truth still stands, if the same problem continues to follow you EVERY WHERE you go--There is definitely a problem. The propblem needs to be check and fixed. There are days I am furious, but I do my best to not bring my drama to the work place. Is it easy-- no, but will it hurt to try- no. Not everyone can seperate their emotions from the work place, but it is a good habit to get into. Maybe, just maybe the day can go smoothly
  3. by   dogfairy
    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    I often think that this "horizontal violence" trend is becoming a cheap and cowardly way of just dumping more blame on a profession which demands much more moral courage than most human beings are capable of.

    Thanks for saying what needed to be said. Thanks for recognizing that nurses are human beings with feelings. Thanks for telling it like it is.

    I am so very grateful. Because I am so sick of being called so many stupid names by people who truly have no understanding of who I am or what I do.


    I say, thank you.
  4. by   oneLoneNurse
    Having been in the nursing field for almost 30 years I am stilled floored by the meaness or cattiness of the profession. I applied for a job as a casual with a local hospital. I used a fellow co-worker and two of my managers. I also applied for another job, but did not use my fellow co-worker.

    The first place called me back after checking my references. The interview had gone well, with the manager stating that he wanted to hire me at the end of it. The HR person told me that she could not offer me employment after checking my references.

    The second place offered me a position.

    I thought my co-worker was my friend and would give me a good reference. For whatever reason, he black balled me. I can't figure out if its contempt or jealousy. Both my brother and brother-in-law have connections through working in their respective professions and have used this network to get jobs and move up in their professions. All I have after 30 years of nursing are co-workers who want to stab me in the back.
  5. by   caroladybelle
    My question- Did you ask the coworker upfront if you could use him/her what they thought of your work and if they could provide a good reference?

    Never assume that your "friends" can do this. I have had a number of people that have grown "attached" to me at various junctures of my career. One used me as a reference (several years after working with her, and several jobs later). Also she wrote down various attributes and duties that were in no way true of the job we did then. And my personal dealings, she was not an admirable person.I was also not given any warning that I would be asked for a reference. If I had I could have researched more, or found a tactful way to handle the issue.There are people that I personally like at work and I respect the work they do. There are people that I personally do not care for but they are excellent nurses. These, I can reference well. Then there are the nurses that I may like, but their work habits are terrible or they are really not good employees. Those I cannot reference well.Don't assume that the person that tactfully deals with you, good or bad, and that you like, can/will provide a glowing reference for you.
  6. by   caregiver1977
    People who are not nurses and may have an interest (like myself) are allowed to be here. Of course, there are some threads I feel non-nurses should not respond to even if they do have an opinion. If you don't like that, why are YOU here? You can start your own internet forum about nursing and only allow nurses. How you would prove who is or is not a nurse is beyond me.
  7. by   oneLoneNurse
    When I asked him for a reference I would think he would say 'that's not such a great idea' or 'I can't do that.' That's what I would do. I've been working with him for over six years, and would think he would feel privileged to give me a reference. I do good work, show up on time, and have helped him in the past. I just am floored by being duped by this guy.

    He would be the first to talk about how the nursing profession is catty and mean. Yet, he does this without provocation.
  8. by   lrobinson5
    So true! In nursing school it seems that everyone has a different label for instructors and RNs at clinical sites. I think I have loved almost every instructor/RN that people would call rude/mean or the more colorful a****** and b****. Very rarely did we see a truly miserable person, I think 1 or 2 total for my first year in school. The large majority were very receptive and helpful to students.
  9. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from onelonenurse
    i thought my co-worker was my friend and would give me a good reference. for whatever reason, he black balled me. i can't figure out if its contempt or jealousy. both my brother and brother-in-law have connections through working in their respective professions and have used this network to get jobs and move up in their professions. all i have after 30 years of nursing are co-workers who want to stab me in the back.
    did you ask your co-worker for a reference and then highlight for him which of your stellar qualities you wanted him to emphasize? or did you just let the hr department catch him by surprise.

    if all you have after 30 years of nursing are co-workers who want to stab you in the back, it could be a problem on your end, and not that all of your coworkers are wrong. just a thought.
  10. by   lzink
    I feel like I am a very strong women. However recently I had to take a refresher course after a lengthy health related problems. I've been a nurse for 40 years and made my dream come true by becoming a flight nurse. Now I am given a rn with 2 years of experience as my preceptor! She was so vicious, demanding and condesending that in her opinion I should be dropped from the course and I was. I am still fighting for reinstatement. I don't understand this type of behavior, however as long as it is tolerated it will continue. If there is a difference in the balance of power they call it bullying. I had another nurse throw an object at my head, and was dressed down by the clinical nurse supervisor because I didn't answer one of only two phone lines that ring into the unit. It was a total nightmare. I think there is a fair amount of "jelousy". The only thing that has worked for me in the past is to ignore this behavior. If there lives at work is the only area in thier lives they feel in control that should tell you that thier home life probably sucks. I am filling a complaint with the BON along with a couple of articles online and in the local newspaper. No one should feel intimadated, lied on, etc. any where, but it seem more agreous among nurses, those who make thier living out of "caring"! After I get reinstated, then I have a liable and slander law suits I can file. It seems to me looking back on the situation there are plenty of nurses but not enough supervision. I mean if you can charge a Tele unit, have a patient load and be a preceptor someone is going to come out on the short end of the stick, and this nurse had no problem telling anyone who would listen that she was precepting me so she could make her mortage payment! There are two quotes that come to mind, one it ain't over till the fat lady sings, and that revenge is a meal best served cold. I have a long standing aquaintance who is a nurse attorney on my BON, I email her sometimes just to vent my frustrations and feelings. With all do respect, the bully will be wondering how to make her mortage payments when or if her license is effected. So you see she may "think she bad" but I think it's more important to be smart. Nurses like I have sescribed in my opinion have no place in Nursing. I would also like to see a NO TOLERANCE policy for rude, or disrepectful behavior to our collouges and God forbid this behavior spills over into the patient care area's. So I really do understand a good deal of what your feeling, but with time these feelings will pass. Take the high road, be the consumate professional, your patients need everything you can give them, so don't waste your time on co-workers who sound like they would suck the life right out of you if you let them.
    I don't hav my spell check up and running so forgive my typo's....Hold your hear up, be an example that other nurses look up to, respect you, but I hope you will get to a place that you will not tolerate this unprofessional conduct. In my opinion it only takes one time for this type of human being to get thier clock cleaned, then they leave you alone, they move on looking for vunerabilitys in another nurse. Just take it to the nurses lounge or have a meeting with the supervisor present. Don'tlet em get you down! HAPPY NEW YEAR! FLTNRSE2
  11. by   Makani
    Quote from CranberryMuffin
    Is there some reason you feel so personally defensive about this topic? After reading this post (and several others you've written) it starts to make one wonder about the source of all the defensiveness. I'm not trying to personalize this to you specifically, but it has been my experience that when one takes up the cause of something so fervently and so publicly, that the source of the frustration really has to do with something deeply personal within themselves.

    Quite honestly, this topic has been beaten to a pulp. I would hope that we can all agree that it's ALL of our personal responsibilities to be respectful, thoughtful and considerate in our interactions with those that we work with. IMO having a 'bad day' is really no excuse to be disrespectful to coworkers or make other people suffer around you (especially those that are learning and may need a little extra attention). We should ALL check our attitudes AND personal problems at the door as much as possible when we come to work. Work is work. Not a place to abuse coworkers or vent out our personal frustrations.
    If I could have hit the like button twice, I would have.
  12. by   maelstrom143
    I have worked in AZ, GA, and FL. Never really encountered nurses who wanted to "eat" me, so to speak. I have had excellent colleagues who answered my questions, had my back, and were available when needed. I have seen a sour one or two, but then again, we all have our bad days. I have encountered quite a few of the newer nurses who could learn a thing or two or three from our older colleagues (nurses AND CNAs), but who tend to be a bit standoffish, look at you sideways when addressed, and would rather spend 10 minutes searching for the CNA to change a patient when it would take them 5 minutes to do it themselves or 2 minutes to walk their patient to the bathroom and instruct him/her on the use of the call light. I think it takes two to tango and I have seen enough in six years to realize it is not just the older nurses who may have issues.
    Part of it is the attituded with which you approach a situation, part of it is how you carry yourself and address others, part of it depends on the person you are interacting with...but if everything seems against you maybe it is time to review the situation and be honest with yourself as to what is going on.
  13. by   Ciale
    I could not DISagree with this post more. You're making excuses for people being crappy to one another. When I found out my husband cheated on me and the day my dog died, I didn't take it out on my coworkers/nursing student. Just the opposi...te...I looked to them for compassion. No, no one is perfect but I know right from wrong and I'd never intentionally be mean to someone. There are a couple really bitter, angry nurses with acid tongues in my unit and we all avoid them like the plague...because we know how they are but someone else that's new to the unit doesn't know that and therefore they post about them on here. Don't be rude to each other. It's not right. Ever.