"Nurses are so Mean" - page 14
I wish I had a dollar for every post I've read claiming that "nurses are so mean," "nurses are nasty to each other," "nurses eat their young" or "my preceptor is picking on me for no good reason." ... Read More
Nov 1, '11Yeah, I don't have a "nice switch" and in any case being nice isn't part of my job description.
I'm a very good nurse, and it has nothing to do with being a pleasant, bidable kind of person - as it happens, the overwhelming majority of my patients and their families seem to prefer my care, despite (or perhaps because of) the occasional exchange of some very direct speaking on my part. They prefer my care for the same reason doctors and nurses like working with me - I'm clinically proficient, communicate particularly well, am intelligent and educated, and can rapidly reprioritise and respond to change.
I like nice people when I'm a customer in, I don't know, a bank. If I'm sick I want competent, proficient, smart, and accurate well before I want nice. Websites like the Romance Writers of America and Etsy have a nice members only policy - if you can't say anything nice, don't post. AN started out as a site for professionals - people with differing opinions, layers of personality, strongly held views, whose work and lives are connected. People who have more than one dimension.
Nov 1, '11Being nice does not mean your are not equally as intelligent, that sounds crazy to me to imply that if you're nice you're not a competent professional, but whatever makes you feel better in saying. I actually like all nurses or I would not waste my time here, but like I've stated before some people go too far in the way they express differences. Talaxandra, I never said you wasn't a good nurse or not a competent professional, I'm sure you are. If you aren't one of those people I described then Im not talking to you, but if you are let the chips fall where they may. Being nice is never a sign of weakness it is easy to get someone told but to be encouraging to someone, definitely takes strength, it in no way affects your intelligence level what so ever.
Nov 1, '11Bunny -- Have you tried the forums at AllNurses Central? They have a religion section and generally seem to be a little calmer. A lot of the people who hang out there are longtime members and I find it's very pleasant and people won't bash you for your spiritual beliefs. If you read the list of forums on the Site Map over there -- they have some interesting stuff there. Best to you ..
Nov 1, '11To be clear, I don't think your posts were aimed at me, and I don't feel attacked or misunderstood. The reason I responded by listing all the things that I believe make me a good nurse is because, even though you never said anything about intelligence or competence, your post was all about nurses being nice.
When this is the focus it's easy to infer that this is a more important quality than the elements I believe are more integral to being a good nurse. I absolutely believe someone can be strong, smart, competent and nice. I also believe someone can be an excellent nurse, not hold hands, and be primarily motivated by their salary.
Nurses have long been expected to be nice, good girls who are non-confrontational, to suck up being harassed and assaulted as part of their job, to accept poor treatment by doctors because that's the culture, to take families and patients flack.
I'm compassionate, whenever possible I leave my patients better off than I found them, I view a shift a good one if I made a positiove difference to someone's life, and I've had one bad shift in over twenty-two years of nursing. But what makes me a good nurse has nothing to do with me being nice.
Nice girls aren't treated like professionals, they aren't respected as equals, they aren't heard and they aren't paid what they're worth. Polite, clear, calm, intelligent, informed - they're adjectives I'm happy to have applied to me. Nice isn't - here or IRL.
This isn't an attack, it's not an example of cyberbullying or an example of me eating anyone. It's an articulate, well-founded, detached response to a post with which I disagree.
Nov 1, '11No...you're right nice people do not make up the majority of the population but I refuse to believe, or let you or anyone else choose to dictate to me how I will act in real life, all of that what you stated sounds like a person who feel superior cause you don't classify yourself as nice and feel that nice people are weak and inferior to you or anyone because you perceive they aren't the majority. That's fine with me, your opinions will in no way shape any of my actions. I think thats crazy that you would think that way but who am I to judge. Im all of what you named, and I'm heard, seen as an intelligent person, paid extremely well, and I am no ones doormat, but first and foremost I treat people in the same way I want to be treated, Like I said its easy to get people told, but its really takes a person who is strong and secure with themselves, to speak a kind word, didn't take your response as an attack, its not that serious, just two people stating 2 different opinions, I'm okay with that.
Nov 1, '11Quote from talaxandrai've been an an member a wee bit longer than you, bunny, and have to say that while i've seen dissent, anger, contempt, reasoned argument, debate and occasional outright rudeness but have yet to see anything that looked to me like hatred. i've been involved in very heated discussions, here and irl, and haven't felt hatred. sometimes people interpret things through a lens that colours what they see...
i'd certainly caution anyone reading threads here, and elsewhere online, not to mistake people's online personas and posts for their professional demeanours and behaviour. the combination of reduced ability to convey nuance and tone when using words alone, the immediacy of communication, accidental hitting of emotional triggers, carelessness of language useage, and the veil of anonymity means that most people are more likely to write things they wouldn't say. that doesn't mean they're being false, but we're often less measured than they'd otherwise be.
i've been a nurse for over twenty years - caring for patients doesn't magically make me a lovely, ammenable person. it doesn't stop me from haivng a personality, an opinion, or a bad day. seeing a section of my life based on posts i write in an online forum doesn't give you insight into anything about the rest of my life - and, as i doubt this was written specifically in response ot me, the same applies to everyone here.
i'd normally address specific aspects you raised, but i wouldn't want you to feel 'cyberbullied' by quoting sections of your post. i will say, though, that an is one of the most rigorously moderated site i've ever participated in - if anyone feels as though responses are getting out of hand they have only to click on the 'report' button. or stop visiting the site.
i have a huge problem with this post . . . i can only give it one measly "kudos".
Nov 1, '11Quote from bunnysan27i cannot help but wonder why "nice" is missing from your posts . . . they actually sound rather angry and bitter.being nice does not mean your are not equally as intelligent, that sounds crazy to me to imply that if you're nice you're not a competent professional, but whatever makes you feel better in saying. i actually like all nurses or i would not waste my time here, but like i've stated before some people go too far in the way they express differences. talaxandra, i never said you wasn't a good nurse or not a competent professional, i'm sure you are. if you aren't one of those people i described then im not talking to you, but if you are let the chips fall where they may. being nice is never a sign of weakness it is easy to get someone told but to be encouraging to someone, definitely takes strength, it in no way affects your intelligence level what so ever.
Nov 2, '11Unfortunately, "mean" people and bullies exist everywhere and will; therefore, be found in every profession. And...nurses are definitely not saints, just ordinary human beings. There are some nurses where I work that I dread to work with or give report to. They are consistently mean, condescending, downright rude; but on the flip side, they usually give me the worst reports and leave me with messes to clean up r/t the fact that they think they are "perfect." This is not a "bad" day, which we all have, but consistent bullying and meaness. Just had this happen in report the other morning, where I was basically bullied by the nurse I was giving report to. I was about to argue a subject with her, but I was too tired after working 12+ hours with one five minute break, and life experience has taught me that a bully does not develop into a bully overnight. Bullying usually develops in childhood. Therefore, people of this ilk have long discovered how to make the person being bullied look like the aggressor. I let it go. I think she will probably have me written up r/t something she "thinks" I did wrong (she has a pattern). However, did nothing wrong and can substantiate my claims. She can have at it. Unfortunately, management tends to ignore the bullies with consistent patterns of complaints. Goes back to grade school when the bully was allowed to rule the playground.
Nov 2, '11Quote from charley75You would think that with cross department and floor interaction, there would be no arguing! The hospital is a single unit, not a conglomerate of separate pieces.I completely agree with your post but sometimes I find other departments being nasty to each other and I dont get it. I feel like often when I call report to the floor or unit they are looking for things to knit pick about, I am not saying everytime, also they huff and puff about getting another pt. I try just to listen and kill them with kindness. I dont complain when EMS brings me one new pt after the next. We need to all realize we are there for thesame reason, the patients, we all have good and bad moments but keep your smile on
Nov 2, '11Quote from ChuYinYou would think that with cross department and floor interaction, there would be no arguing! The hospital is a single unit, not a conglomerate of separate pieces.
Lol, have you ever worked in a hospital? Does not always work this way. For example, ER calling to give me report on a patient (new admit) , when I haven't even gotten report on the other four patients in my care.
Nov 2, '11Furthermore, who or what are you? No specialty, no years of experience. If you are not a nurse, why are you here?
Nov 2, '11Quote from rnccf2007My apologies, just read your profile, welcome to the real world of hospital nursing, where there is often a "get them in, get them out, transfer" etc between departments with no real regard to quality patient care. All departments suffer r/t administration and the almighty buck.Furthermore, who or what are you? No specialty, no years of experience. If you are not a nurse, why are you here?
Nov 2, '11Quote from rnccf2007Some people choose to not display all their history in their profile, preferring to maintain their privacy. Displaying such information is not a requirement of membership. Your post was a tad nasty directed to a first time poster, who just joined today and may not have had an opportunity (or found where) to enter all the 'details'.Furthermore, who or what are you? No specialty, no years of experience. If you are not a nurse, why are you here?