Male nurse crying!!!

Pacs, RN · Nov 23, 2011

Since when? Can you provide some sort of link where it's stated that nurses may not cry with a patient or family member? What, will you get reported to the BON or something?

It's just professional ethics. Nurses are supposed to show empathy not sympathy but it doesn't necessarily mean we can't cry in from of our patients. Of course we can! The BON won't go after you if you cry in front of your patients.

However as nurses, we are expected to be the ones who comfort our patients and not the ones who need comforting from our patients.

Read here or here.

RN_PICU · Nov 24, 2011

I never realized how cold male nurses were. If I'm ever in the hospital again, now I know to refuse a male nurse providing my care. I want someone who's human, not a cyborg.

This is horrible example of labeling... such a shame

OCNRN63, RN · Nov 24, 2011

I don't think I'd want a nurse that forms an opinion about an entire group of people based on a sample of one.

It was based on multiple posts. And I don't think I'd want a nurse who can't think critically.

OCNRN63, RN · Nov 24, 2011

Deleted; double post.

OCNRN63, RN · Nov 24, 2011

It's just professional ethics. Nurses are supposed to show empathy not sympathy but it doesn't necessarily mean we can't cry in from of our patients. Of course we can! The BON won't go after you if you cry in front of your patients.
However as nurses, we are expected to be the ones who comfort our patients and not the ones who need comforting from our patients.
Read here or here.

I am not talking about breaking down and sobbing and being the one who needs consoling. But yes, I have shared some tears with hospice and cancer patients. So far, the ethics police haven't come to cart me away, and my patients and their families have appreciated my care.

OCNRN63, RN · Nov 24, 2011

This is horrible example of labeling... such a shame

Yeah, well if you were in my shoes and with dealing with what I am facing, you might prefer to have a nurse who makes you feel cared for. Based on what I'm reading from you guys, you don't fill the bill.

FWIW, the last time I was in the hosp., I did have one male nurse who was terrific. Apparently, he didn't read the manual about being stone cold and distant from your patients.

Pacs, RN · Nov 25, 2011

I am not talking about breaking down and sobbing and being the one who needs consoling. But yes, I have shared some tears with hospice and cancer patients. So far, the ethics police haven't come to cart me away, and my patients and their families have appreciated my care.

Of course the ethics police won't come for you (if they even exist :bugeyes: ). As I have said earlier, of course we can cry in front of our patients. If you have read the nursing journal I linked, it tells that it is okay to cry in front of our patients as long as you keep it at an appropriate level and timing. Some studies show that it can even be therapeutic to both the nurse and the patient.

Now, I am simply stating that emotions can be.......hard to control sometimes. So, breaking down and sobbing will not be far off and are definitely inappropriate, which is why I hold my tears when I am in front of my patients. It doesn't mean I am cold and uncaring. In fact, I care as much as you do for our patients. I just don't show my tears in front of our patients. As I said earlier, I weep in private.

I try to show more empathy than sympathy as much as possible. Besides, empathy is much more appropriate since most patients just need a shoulder to cry on rather than someone crying with them. In fact, there are patients who hate being cried upon as they dislike the feeling of others pitying them because of their illness. And in the psychiatric area, it's generally inappropriate to cry in front of our patients.

Remember, empathy is not apathy and to show empathy means you care.

DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN · Nov 29, 2011

I never realized how cold male nurses were. If I'm ever in the hospital again, now I know to refuse a male nurse providing my care. I want someone who's human, not a cyborg.

Is it cold to be professional and keep a professional distance? Does that make one a cyborg? I think not.

I have lost a father, a mother and a sister in hospital. If on any occasion a member of staff had cried with me I'd have found that inappropriate and unwelcome. What I wanted and needed was information, straight talk, and people who treated my loved ones with care and dignity without getting OTT or trying to be my "friend". That is exactly what I got and I appreciated the first class professional care. I try to give the same.

I sometimes suspect that some nurses who try to get too close to patients and families perhaps lack something in their own personal realtionships, and sometimes try to compensate innapropriately with people they meet at work? Not healthy for nurse, patient or family IMHO.

systoly · Nov 29, 2011

I never realized how cold male nurses were. If I'm ever in the hospital again, now I know to refuse a male nurse providing my care. I want someone who's human, not a cyborg.

26 yrs of experience and you just now realized that?

Beware of nurses with implants, those are cyborgs too. :D:D

Biffbradford · Nov 29, 2011

Okay, I haven't read all 16 pages of posts, but after experiencing my own mother and father's deaths, numerous pets - some dying in my arms, and dozens of patient deaths (some very ugly, quite frankly) ... you're not likely to see any tears from me. Not that I wouldn't be moved and feel sad, but would have to be really remarkable.

Vinniesguy · Dec 1, 2011

In 23 years of nursing I have encountered death many times. I have worked in aged care nursing, palliative care, HIV homecare and had unsuccessful resus attempts. I have never cried in any of these situations - I am not a cyborg, I am not stone cold nor am I distant. I am an excellent nurse and I put my efforts into counseling the bereaved and ensuring that the recently departed is still treated with dignity and kindness. I'm not saying crying is wrong - I've seen colleagues weep over the death of a patient - I'm saying we all deal with the death of a patient in different ways. Just because you don't cry doesn't make you an uncaring monster!

Positive Attitude · Dec 1, 2011

I haven't read the whole thread: too much of it!!

Most of my 26 years in nursing have involved palliative care in one form or another, and currently I work as a community based Nurse Specialist in Palliative Care. I must have seen thousands of people die, and spent time with their families / friends / partners. Mostly I see my job as just that: a job that pays he bills.

Now and again along will come a patient who strikes a particular note with me for some reason and once in a while I have felt personal sadness on the death of a patient. I have twice in my whole career cried at home over the death of a patient. I have never cried in front of a patient or their significant others, but I have let them know that I feel sad about their situation And that is part of being a good nurse. In order to really help people you need a certain degree of detachment. People need support, information, help and need to be able to feel that they can cry on the shoulder of the nurse. They don't need an emotional wreck that they have to support (and I have witnessed that). i have also never hugged a patient or significant other, but I have allowed them to hug me if they wish to do so.

I don't feel I'm cold or a cyborg: I'm appropriate.

If you read all of the relatively few posts I've made you'll see that I have another hat as a patient. Prior to combination ARV I faced the likelihood of death. If any of my health workers had cried on me I'd have run a mile.

Having said all of that if other nurses shed a quick tear privately when their patients die, and that is helpful for them, then good!!