I thought my spouse understood.

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  1. This is a discussion on I thought my spouse understood. in LPN / LVN Nursing Student, part of Nursing Student ... Going to nursing school has always been a dream, but I chose to start a family at a very young age,...

    by Apr 6, '11
    Going to nursing school has always been a dream, but I chose to start a family at a very young age, and my education was put on the back burner. Over the last year, I have worked super hard to get back into school (I am 36 and had only had a HSD), and finally applied to nursing school (lpn), to which I was accepted. My dilemma? I thought my husband understood the work load involved, he agreed I should not continue working as a bartender/server at night, agreed to pulling more than his fair share with home and kids, and we have 4 kids, the youngest being 2 Not only will the program be hard, I will have to commute 60 miles each way to school which means I need to leave anywhere from 5:30 am to 6:30 am, everyday.

    Last night, he tells me about some of his grand plans to attend some concerts/shows with friends over the summer and he will be going on a 4 day mini vacation with a friend, my 3rd week of school. He can't understand my upset and I can't understand what he doesn't get.

    The program starts in 4 weeks and I am really starting to wonder how I will be able to be successful in school with a husband who doesn't seem to understand the sacrifices we will all need to make. Any advice to tackle this before it becomes a major problem?
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    by jackiew75 Apr 6, '11 8:09 am
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  3. 12 Comments so far...

  4. Apr 6, '11 by
    Maybe once you start school he will understand that he needs to step up to the plate and help you with the kids. There are a lot of single moms in my program and do not know how they do it, but they do.

    My husband felt the the same way before I started school, now he cooks, cleans, and watches the kids so I can study because he knows that once I finish this program we will be in a better financial situation.

    Best of luck to you.
  5. Apr 6, '11 by
    I'm afraid I'll be in the same boat. If accepted I'll start in August, and I think it's going to be hard for my husband to gracefully take on the load. Like your husband he was all for it in the beginning, but the closer it gets, the more he acts put out by the idea. Do they not understand it's to better ourselves, and our families? It's hard to know wether we should forge ahead or give up on our dream. I don't want to end up divorced, but hate to give up at the same time.

    All I can suggest is to keep the lines of communication open about the expectations you have of him, and yourself. Tell him that the nursing program will be very demanding and you'll have to be able to rely on him for most everything. I hope he comes to understand it won't last forever, and it will be worth it in the end... I hope my husband is able to understand this too.
  6. Apr 6, '11 by
    i am a direct kind of girl, so i do not sugar coat things.

    i think you need to sit him down and calmly explain that he cannot go on a mini vacation because *i* am in school, and will not be able to focus on school in his absence.

    my fiance' is amazingly supportive, but i had a really long discussion about what we both needed to do for my success in the program. one of his family members went to nursing school, so he did understand the time it takes to succeed.

    i am in school 8-3 every day, and i come home and read for at least another 2-4 hours bare minimum. it is a lot of work, and i could not do it without his understanding.

    we do not have children yet, so our situation is different, but i understand what it takes to succeed.
    tiredstudentmom likes this.
  7. Apr 6, '11 by
    I appreciate the responses -- even the one's that are not sugar coated!

    I guess I am just at a loss as we have had MANY conversations regarding the difficulty and sacrifices that need to be made; hence waiting till the kids were a bit older. I did ok the one mini vacation, hoping this would allow him once last chance to get out and have fun. Unfortunately, he somehow misconstrued that to mean that weekends and evenings were still going to be "his".

    I hate to come of as if I am whining, because I certainly am not that person. I too have had many friend's and family members who have attended nursing school and believed that *we* were both well aware of what our lives were going to entail for the next year. The more I look back on the initial post, the more I begin to wonder if there is not "more" to this nonsense.
  8. Apr 6, '11 by
    Jackie, you will have to sit and have good talk with your husband again..Most likely since you havent started school yet, he doesnt understand just how much studying you will be doing, and that your going to needs his support 10fold...let him have the little vacation, he will need it too..but you really really have to explain it to him again and again..my husband is supportive, but sometimes i feel he could be more supportive..for instance, my husband simply does not do homework with our son..no matter what, im the one helping with homework all the time! but he cooks cleans etc...just a balance girl..dont worry too much, u guys will get in a rhythm!! 60miles traveling you say? WHOOOOOO...good luck!
  9. Apr 6, '11 by
    you are so not whining at all!! i promise. you are concerned that he is not understanding the workload you are getting ready to undertake.

    if i were you i would absolutely talk to him again, let him know what he needs to do to support you.
  10. Apr 6, '11 by
    Jackie, the nursing program is very grueling. You will need all the mental, financial and emotional support your husband can give. I certainly would sit him down and explain how much you need for him to step up and pick up the slack. This decision will change not just your life but the family as a whole. Hopefully once the program starts for you he will see how dedicated you are and will try to ease up the pressure. What I did when I was in the program was include my husband in my studies. He tested me and allow me to practice health assessments, taking vital etc. That way he felt he was included in me getting through the program. I wish you well with everything and your future.
    Dondie and tiredstudentmom like this.
  11. Apr 7, '11 by
    I start school in August and my school has an orientation, not only for students but for the "significant others".
    It is geared so that they understand the undertaking the student is about to take and the demands that are required.
    Place a call to your school and see if such a program exists.

    Good Luck!
  12. Apr 8, '11 by
    When I first sat down and tried to have "the talk" with my husband about the help and cooperation and sacrifice that was going to be involved, he told me that it was going to be no different than an 8-5 job.. HA! I just kept on going though, I'm now almost done with my 2nd semester and he has been very supportive. I have 2 children who are involved in school sports, recreational sports etc...Although he doesn't do much to help with housework, he has finally come to the point to where he doesn't gripe about it, he knows when i can I will. He now tells me to only focus on my school and food lol! Hang in there, it is just impossible for people who haven't been thru it to understand it. Once he sees your focus and your drive to succeed he will jump on board with you. And if he doesn't, you will figure out who will (ex: siblings, family, friends). Good luck!