How do you deal with classmates disrespecting you?

[quirkystudent]

I'm new here. I lurk often but this is my first post. I am currently in an LVN program in my first semester. I have ran into the issue of being the butt of disrespect from quite a few, if not most, of my classmates. I usually just stick to myself but then I run into the problem of not having a study partner or group partner for activities. There have been quite a few instances where the other students make indirect comments about me. It's obvious because they say everything directly in front of me but act as if I don't exist and can't hear them.

So far I have done really well at killing them with kindness but I am still the outcast and the butt of jokes. I'm not sure why I am singled out. My guess is either my personality or my appearance. I am an extremely sociable person. I enjoy making new friends and interacting in general. I am aware that some people are turned off by that and sometimes personalities clash. My appearance is that of a non-traditional nurse, especially in Nebraska. I have a few visible tattoos on one arm and my ears have been modified.

I'm kind of used to being the odd man out because I have always been a bit quirky but I am not used to being eye rolled at, the victim of snide remarks and lies, completely ignored as if I don't exist, literally pushed away from group activities, and blatantly disrespected as a human being.

In class I am quiet, keep to myself, and try to listen to lecture. I sit right in the middle of a few people that are the worst with the rude treatment. It's extremely hard to pay attention to lecture when all I hear is disrespectful comments. I have brought this to the attention of the instructors and all of them say to kill them with kindness and/or ignore them. That's quite easily said when you are not in the position.

I'm sort of an emotionally sensitive person. My outside appearance is portrayed as a tough person (I don't mean it to be, it's just my style) by most but really I am compassionate, kind, helpful, and intelligent. No one in the class shows any interest in getting to know me. I have contemplated moving to a different desk but all of the desks are filled.

I guess what I am asking is how do you deal with those kind of people? We're only 2 months in and I still have 7 months of this to deal with. I'm not sure I can bite my tongue or grit my teeth much longer. I want to be a nurse. I want to learn. But now I find it a serious chore to make myself go to class because of them. I don't know what I am doing wrong to be treated like this. What would you do?

[Philly_LPN_Girl, LPN]

Ah there are many many 19 year olds in the class. I remember being 19 but I never ever treated people that way even if I didn't like them. I guess my mom raised me better. Usually I am the type to stick up for myself without being confrontational but I'm worried my instructors will mistake sticking up for myself for being immature and stooping to their level. If I was in the work place with these girls I wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place. I'm frustrated with myself at this point because I let them get to me and now my grades aren't where they should be. I really hope this desk move fixes the issue because I'll be devastated if I fail out.

Oh no, do not let anyone or anything cause you to fail out. You need to talk to the deans and or just pull those people to the side. You need to put those people in their place in a respectable and good way. Good Luck hun

[Virtual, LVN]

I wasn't social in my class either. I am really the ONLY guy in my class. There is this other kid who is gay. I had nothing to talk to with other girls since they were all girly girls. I feel your pain but I didnt get harassed, mainly because I showed up to class, raised my hand to answer questions, and left. Never stuck around after school to let people figure me out. I made a couple friends who really never said hi to me until I didnt show up to school for 2 weeks (I didnt show up on purpose due to depression and thinking I want a different career choice). I got 2 messages from people saying they miss me/why I didnt show up. Slowly I found out who the real friends were and stuck around them. But in life you will get so many haters you become immune to it. Especially in nursing, We had two older women in our class that were long time friends and coincidentally got in the same program, in about 2 months they didn't talk to each other again. Why? one did better on her test scores. There is so much competition and if the guy next to you gets a A and you get a B it will make you feel like **** even if you both passed. For your situation about all the seats are filled up, talk to the instructor and say you have trouble hearing and say you dont want to be seated next to them. And if they don't move you, then they don't deserve you. Just read quotes on motivation and it helps a lot.

[LPN709]

Oh my gosh. This was my exact situation in school. I just graduated in April and let me just say....the absolute worst year of my life. And it wasn't because of the school itself. It was the people. I have never been more worn down in my life. There were a couple of girls in my class who persistently beat me down for no reason at all. I can't even explain the anguish they caused me. It's been six months since I graduated, but just thinking about that year makes me feel sick. And the worst part was that I never did anything to them. At all. I'm a quiet, shy nerd who never bothered anyone. Luckily, I had an amazing friend who stood up for me and helped me. I never would have made it without her. However, I never did anything about it because I was afraid of creating even more conflict and getting kicks out of the program. Luckily, that didn't happen and I even graduated valedictorian of my program. Don't let it affect your studies. Move seats and get away from the bullies. Yes, they are definitely bullies. And please please don't be like me and do nothing. Go to your teacher and explain the situation. And if they don't do anything about it, go to the director/Dean of your school. Bullying is nothing to joke about. You read about kids committing suicide over bullying all the time. Please get some help from your school and go up the chain of command until it is taken care of. You will be so glad you did. Good luck!

[jwheeler7791]

I wasn't social in my class either. I am really the ONLY guy in my class. There is this other kid who is gay

Wow dude. Just wow.

How are you going to treat your gay patients after you graduate? I sure as heck wouldn't want someone with that kind of contempt treating me. Not all gay men are feminine acting; a minority are (and that's ok) and the majority are not.

In the end however what does it matter? Everyone puts their pants on each day the same way, and that student probably struggles with a lot of the same things you do in regards to school.

[susanhaywood]

I see my experience was more part of the "norm" than I would have expected. All I wanted to be was the "fat old lady" in the back of the room. They just wouldn't let me. I graduated 3 weeks ago. It was all I could do to stick it out, but in the end, I didn't let them beat me down. It wasn't for their lack of trying !

The Joint Commission has made Incivility an actual Sentinel Event. For all that matters, having attention brought to bear on the subject of bullying and uncivil behavior should make the schools a little more willing to address the issues before turning these bullies loose on the public!

Stick to yourself. Go to lunch by yourself. Go nap in your car if you have to, but stay away from them. Study by yourself, you'll learn more. When it comes to projects, be prepared to do more than your share just to make sure that it gets done properly so you get credit.

But most important, make sure that the instructors and the administrators are aware of the behavior. Whenever something happens, say something. Not necessarily with names and tattle tale ... but let them know that you are reporting bullying. They are obliged to do something about it. IF, it should come to pass that your grades slip, or you need to have your seat moved, or project partners rearranged, then you've got the background all set out for them to see your side and make the move.

No one should have to take a Xanax to go to school.

I used to tell people, "I live in Magnolia, but I go to school in the ghetto." That's exactly what it is. Trash talking people who disrespect one another are just ghetto.

The schools continue to take the money and run. Sad but true.

Keep your head high, and do your best job. Make sure the teachers are aware.

[Virtual, LVN]

It came out the way I hoped it wouldnt, it also got edited because of 'TOS'. What I was trying to say was, I felt like the only real male in the class. I have no issue with gay people at all. I guess what I should of said was we had another male in the class who was a little on the feminine side and I was a antisocial idiot who couldnt talk to girls and because of that I didnt fit in. I would make fun of anybody cause I know what it feels like to be that guy on the receiving end.

[tcooks7]

I feel your pain! The same thing happened to me last year in PN school. In the very beginning, I talked to a lot of ppl, but after we took the first set of tests & I got a couple 100's, things started to change. They were always asking me what were my study habits & when I would tell them, I didn't study much, just paid attention in class, they got upset with me! Like, how dare you be upset with me because we learn differently?! That's ludicrous! Then when study groups were forming, I said I couldn't be in any. My school was 5 days a week, 45 mins from where I lived. I'm a single mother of 2, worked 3rd shift 3-5 nocs a week! There was no way I was gonna drive 45mins on the weekend to come help them out! I suggested they come to where I lived but they didn't want to do that! How unfair & selfish? Well, needless to say, 6 of the 7 females who were acting that way towards me, did not pass, but I did!! So, just brush them off & continue doing you. I used their dislike towards me as inspiration & it paid off! Good luck!!

[goddessofthesun]

My school has a strict policy against that type of behavior. It is the same as bullying... there have been instances where people have been kicked out. Please do not allow others to disrespect you like that. I advise that you go report them again and let them know this is not what you paid for. That type of mannerism is just outrageous to me. I'm sorry that you are having to go through that. I would report them everyday until something is done. Good luck and don't allow this situation to affect your grades!! =)

[HappyWife77, BSN, RN]

You are only responsible for your behavior.What other people say about you really is not any concern of yours. I know it sucks, but it says more about them than you. Keep your self occupied with your studies, you don't have to kill them with kindness, don't even talk to them. Try to make sure you do clinicals at least with the one who you get along good with. Best of Luck!!