How do you deal with classmates disrespecting you?

LoriRNCM, ADN, ASN, RN · Oct 19, 2013

That sucks. We are about halfway through first semester and cliques are forming. I have made myself acquaintances with about half of them and don't feel singled out by anyone for disrespect but then again, I am older than all of them. ALOT older. It would be like disrespecting their mom LOL I prefer to work by myself in group activities and have come right out and asked if I could do that right in front of everyone. It's not that I don't like the others, I do, but in our section there are five people, and the others routinely pair up. I still work well with them all in clinical and lab. I'm sorry you are being treated that way. I am the type of person who if I saw someone doing that to you I would say something to them. I stick up for people regardless of what anyone thinks of it. Is there anyone in your class you relate to and talk to? I would just avoid those people and hang out with the ones who you can relate to even if it's just a couple of them. I tend to insinuate myself into group settings if need be, but like I said, being a loner doesn't bother me either. Just remember why you are there.

sarasmith805 · Oct 19, 2013

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Most schools have some sort of harassment policy. I would go through the chain of command starting with your instructor. These people who are harassing you should probably choose a profession that does not require compassion and team work.

quirkystudent · Oct 19, 2013

There is one person that is nice to me. I try to stick close to her but it's not easy because we always get put in different groups and she doesn't sit anywhere near me. I don't want this to cause me to fail out. It is affecting my grades because it's hard to concentrate. I agree with the compassion and team work comment. I have asked myself many times why they are in the program if they are like that to other people. I know why I am there and I know I want to be there it's just hard to imagine 7 more months of this. I'm also older than all of them by 5-10 years. I'm a non confrontational person especially when I know my character is being graded along with my school work. I just don't understand their motive.

Coffee bean · Oct 19, 2013

I guess at 40 I'm naive,i would have thought that at these women's age they would have grown out of the bullying stage,they are insecure that's why they gang up on you,they would probably never do it alone but as a pack they feel superior.You said there was one lady that was nice to you,can you ask your instructor to move you closer to her and maybe pair you two up,the other lady wouldn't even have to know that you asked it be paired up with her.I just don't understand their thinking,part of nursing is compassion,which they obviously don't have:no:

Mainergal2000 · Oct 19, 2013

I'm new here. I lurk often but this is my first post. I am currently in an LVN program in my first semester. I have ran into the issue of being the butt of disrespect from quite a few, if not most, of my classmates. I usually just stick to myself but then I run into the problem of not having a study partner or group partner for activities. There have been quite a few instances where the other students make indirect comments about me. It's obvious because they say everything directly in front of me but act as if I don't exist and can't hear them.
So far I have done really well at killing them with kindness but I am still the outcast and the butt of jokes. I'm not sure why I am singled out. My guess is either my personality or my appearance. I am an extremely sociable person. I enjoy making new friends and interacting in general. I am aware that some people are turned off by that and sometimes personalities clash. My appearance is that of a non-traditional nurse, especially in Nebraska. I have a few visible tattoos on one arm and my ears have been modified.
I'm kind of used to being the odd man out because I have always been a bit quirky but I am not used to being eye rolled at, the victim of snide remarks and lies, completely ignored as if I don't exist, literally pushed away from group activities, and blatantly disrespected as a human being.
In class I am quiet, keep to myself, and try to listen to lecture. I sit right in the middle of a few people that are the worst with the rude treatment. It's extremely hard to pay attention to lecture when all I hear is disrespectful comments. I have brought this to the attention of the instructors and all of them say to kill them with kindness and/or ignore them. That's quite easily said when you are not in the position.
I'm sort of an emotionally sensitive person. My outside appearance is portrayed as a tough person (I don't mean it to be, it's just my style) by most but really I am compassionate, kind, helpful, and intelligent. No one in the class shows any interest in getting to know me. I have contemplated moving to a different desk but all of the desks are filled.
I guess what I am asking is how do you deal with those kind of people? We're only 2 months in and I still have 7 months of this to deal with. I'm not sure I can bite my tongue or grit my teeth much longer. I want to be a nurse. I want to learn. But now I find it a serious chore to make myself go to class because of them. I don't know what I am doing wrong to be treated like this. What would you do?

People can be so mean. Then you get into a field where there is supposed to be compassion and isn't that a joke. I have worked with nurses and they complain even if their patients asks for water. They are in it only for the money. I guess I should be taking my own advice. I too am in my 1st semester and tired of people getting away with everything! Then today I was called a snitch and so did my study partners all because these girls can never be quiet. Constant talking. I almost walked out today when we were told that we are a team and apparently responsible for other people's actions. All I did was go out in the hallway to do assigned work that we all got because of these girls and was told if the class was not quiet we were going to be sent home, all of us with a zero. I was livid, and I am the one that acts like I am in kinder? Really. Okay I feel better for venting now I guess I have to play the game just sit there and look forward, if they get us in trouble, we are in trouble. They cheat too. Hang in there girl. Know it's hard and I am sorry You are getting treated by a bunch of immature punk bullies. Karma is a you know what! Do give in and let them win. I am going to take my advice and we can both hope these people will be weeded out! !

vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN · Oct 19, 2013

I have seen and experienced this type of behavior from classmates, too. I survived, changed and adapted. You will too. Just put one foot in front of the other.

Over time I gained friends, good friends, close friends that I thank God for in my program.

I figure that their behavior prepares me for the types of behavior I'll see in the work place and now I'll be more prepared to deal with it, both professionally and with firmness when needed.

I'm going to graduate in a few days! You can do it!!!!

quirkystudent · Oct 20, 2013

Thanks guys. It does make me feel better to know that I am not the only person that has been in this position. I spoke to an instructor and I am moving to the front of the class. (Someone dropped so there is an open seat). The instructor I spoke to was really sincere in my concerns. I hope moving will help me focus more and bring my grade back up. As of right now I am failing by 2%. I have plenty of time to get it back up thankfully. I just keep reminding myself that I am there to learn, ignore the debbie downers, and keep my head high. I've been working for this for far too long to allow a couple mean girls to ruin it for me. :yes:

Lilredhen1 · Oct 20, 2013

I graduated in June from an LPN program with similar dynamics. The number one rule is STAY OUT OF THE DRAMA! Being a loner is not a bad thing. Most everything happens at a study group than studying. Odds are fair that quite a few students won't be there for second semester. Someone will drop. Someone will fail. Another gets pregnant, another divorced.

Keep studying and keep your nose clean. Just focus on making it thru. I'm guessing you came there for an education, not a social life. Some of them may have and will quite possibly not become a nurse and/or maintain desirable employment due to such catty behavior.

Suck it up, gf!

jennifergrant034 · Oct 20, 2013

I went through the same thing at two different schools. At the first school, I turned the other cheek and tried to win them over with kindness. Eventually I realized that bullies perceive this as weakness, and it simply got worse and worse. I dropped out of the program because the harassment became so intense it was affecting my grades, my morale, etc.

At the second school, I decided to try another approach. When I was hit with insults, I hit back harder. I hated doing it, but it worked, and they left me alone for awhile. Then one of the other bullies messed with me, and I had to hit back hard again. And then again they would leave me alone for while.

The LPN programs are tougher with an influx of bullies because the standards for acceptance are so low. Most LPN programs are starving for money and they take just about anyone. I went to a prestigious nationally known university to get my LPN, and was shocked at the number of people in the class that really couldn't care less about being a good nurse but got into the field because they wanted a bigger paycheck. This prestigious university even allowed them all to pass, even though a third were flunking out most of the time. Sad.

Hope this helps. Hope things get better for you.

Philly_LPN_Girl, LPN · Oct 20, 2013

I'm new here. I lurk often but this is my first post. I am currently in an LVN program in my first semester. I have ran into the issue of being the butt of disrespect from quite a few, if not most, of my classmates. I usually just stick to myself but then I run into the problem of not having a study partner or group partner for activities. There have been quite a few instances where the other students make indirect comments about me. It's obvious because they say everything directly in front of me but act as if I don't exist and can't hear them.
So far I have done really well at killing them with kindness but I am still the outcast and the butt of jokes. I'm not sure why I am singled out. My guess is either my personality or my appearance. I am an extremely sociable person. I enjoy making new friends and interacting in general. I am aware that some people are turned off by that and sometimes personalities clash. My appearance is that of a non-traditional nurse, especially in Nebraska. I have a few visible tattoos on one arm and my ears have been modified.
I'm kind of used to being the odd man out because I have always been a bit quirky but I am not used to being eye rolled at, the victim of snide remarks and lies, completely ignored as if I don't exist, literally pushed away from group activities, and blatantly disrespected as a human being.
In class I am quiet, keep to myself, and try to listen to lecture. I sit right in the middle of a few people that are the worst with the rude treatment. It's extremely hard to pay attention to lecture when all I hear is disrespectful comments. I have brought this to the attention of the instructors and all of them say to kill them with kindness and/or ignore them. That's quite easily said when you are not in the position.
I'm sort of an emotionally sensitive person. My outside appearance is portrayed as a tough person (I don't mean it to be, it's just my style) by most but really I am compassionate, kind, helpful, and intelligent. No one in the class shows any interest in getting to know me. I have contemplated moving to a different desk but all of the desks are filled.
I guess what I am asking is how do you deal with those kind of people? We're only 2 months in and I still have 7 months of this to deal with. I'm not sure I can bite my tongue or grit my teeth much longer. I want to be a nurse. I want to learn. But now I find it a serious chore to make myself go to class because of them. I don't know what I am doing wrong to be treated like this. What would you do?

Wow people really need to grow up and can be so freaking nasty and iy ****** me off.

I dont take any crap from anyone so Ive never really dealt with disrespect BUT there was this one chick in my class that no one liked at all except 2 people and she calles herself making smart remarks towards me after we stopped being friends. At first I ignored her because I am 25, have 2 children, and didnt want to risk getting kicked out and she was 19 and apparently immature. I wind up pulling her over to the side and it wasnt pretty and every since then I didnt have anymore problems out of her.

quirkystudent · Oct 21, 2013

Ah there are many many 19 year olds in the class. I remember being 19 but I never ever treated people that way even if I didn't like them. I guess my mom raised me better. Usually I am the type to stick up for myself without being confrontational but I'm worried my instructors will mistake sticking up for myself for being immature and stooping to their level. If I was in the work place with these girls I wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place. I'm frustrated with myself at this point because I let them get to me and now my grades aren't where they should be. I really hope this desk move fixes the issue because I'll be devastated if I fail out.