Crying in front of family d/t pt death

Nurses LPN/LVN

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Specializes in LTC.

Last night we had a pt die on our floor, quite unexpectedly. Fortunately for me, she was not my pt, so the other nurse had to inform family and so on. However, EVERY TIME I SEE SOMEONE CRY I LOSE IT! I am the type of person who could cry at a complete strangers' funeral just by seeing others in so much pain. I have only had 1 pt die on me on my shift, but her husband was there, it was expected, and he handled it very well, and therefore so did I. But, I am scared to death of what will happen when I have to call family and inform them that their loved one has died, then attempt to talk to them face to face when they come in. I absolutely do NOT want to end up having the family console ME, but I fear that's exactly what will happen. A little hx: My father died last July, and I haven't precisely dealt with that yet. We buried him 2 days before I graduated from nursing school, so I'm fairly certain that fact isn't helping any, but I was like this before he died as well. I really, REALLY have a lot of anxiety about it, as I know it will happen, likely sooner than later. I have 5 hospice pts on my floor, and I'm on the skilled unit where there tends to be sicker pts than the rest of the facility. Another question somewhat off of the subject: Does anyone else open a window to "let the soul out" after a death? I find some comfort in it. Other long-time nurses have taught me that practice. In fact, they are downright adamant that it's done. I'm just curious if it's a regional practice, or common among nurses.

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I tend to get very emotional as well. Seeing others in pain is hard for me . As far as the window, i worked on a Hospice Team for 10 years, and i sometimes did that . I personally do not think it is necessary, but it is quite touching when you feel that breeze, and the energy of another peron's being as it lifts to the celestial skies. I did leave Hospice and move to an area where people are mending instead of dying . Hope you are well. Jin

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

Well, I feel that if you do have to encounter this family, it is okay to cry...but then, excuse yourself and try to get someone else to handle if for or with you. I know what you mean, it is not therapeutic for the family to have to comfort you...but first, it may be healing for the family to see that you considered this to be a PERSON and not a patient and that you DO feel their pain. Also, at best, it is NOT patient abuse...you didn't kill the client. If you think that you may get carried away, even explain (BRIEFLY) to the family that you do have a bit of difficulty dealing with death yourself and make sure you excuse yourself before it becomes the need of the nurse (you) more than the need for the family. ((Hugs to you))

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Specializes in ICU, SDU, OR, RR, Ortho, Hospice RN.

Like I mention to all new staff that I precept. It is ok to cry with them.

I am sure you will do better than you feel right now and maybe it is something that will help you start to heal yourself. *hugs to you*

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Specializes in Women's Specialty, Post-Part, Scrub(cs).

I totally understand where you are coming from. My grandfather died 2 1/2 months before I started nursing school, my uncle was killed by a drunk driver 2 months after I started school. In my 4th semester, Hurricane Rita blew through here. Destroyed my rent home and my school. We had to buy a new home and start the 4th semester over after the government provided trailors for the school to operate in. I buried all my feelings so I could finish school. Then I went on crying jags all the time. And since my first job was In LTC, I was losing residents. Talk about crying with the family. I would cry anyway...these people come to be like family to me. But, I was boohooing with the family just like I was the only grandchild or something. Fortunately, in a LTC, you get to know the family members, too. So my crying did not offend them. In some ways, they appreciated me more for caring so much. BUT....it was eating me alive. I saw a doctor last summer and I am now being treated for post-traumatic stress disorder mixed with depression. I only take wellbutrin....tried Effexor but it was too strong. I feel better and I am better able to deal with death. I still cry, it just doesn't rip me apart now. I am not saying that you should be on treatment of any sort...just know that your own loss will add to your feelings. Perhaps examining your feelings toward your loss and how it effects how you deal with your patients is all you need. AND crying at the loss of someone makes you HUMAN> we should feel empathy toward the pain of others. The world would be a better place for it. Time will heal your pain. And in time, you will become excellent in dealing with family. You will be excellent because you can empathize. For now, if you feel that you may add to the family's pain...ask for help from someone else. The hospital chaplain or DON would more than likely be willing to step in. Just explain your situation to a few co-workers that you have come to trust. I think you will surprise yourself when you start to deal with this on your own. GOOD LUCK and I am thinking of you in my prayers.

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Specializes in LTC.

Bayou: I can't imagine having to deal with all of that at once! It must have been (and likely still is) hard to deal with. My biggest problem is the timing of when I need to cry. It pops up at the most inopportune times, such as in line at the grocery, in the middle of traffic, etc. I know I can't "schedule" a good time to feel, which is why it comes up when it feels like it. I've tried several types of antidepressants, but ultimately end up stopping them d/t side effects. Wellbutrin was wonderful, and I even quit smoking on it, but a side effect that appeared after several months was the inability to think. I would look at say, a cup, and go completely blank as to what is was. It was like I had never even seen one before. That began to happen very frequently. It also happened to several friends of mine, and my Mom as well. Just a heads-up if you begin to think that Alzheimer's is contagious! I HATED Effexor, too. Bad stuff. I guess it works for some folks, but it's not for me. I was also on Lexapro, which is good, but I was sedated all of the time. However, I don't know if I would have made it through school without it. Thank you for your post. It's good to know I'm not the only one out here dealing with loss on so many different levels. I truly hope I can learn to reel in at least some of the emotion. I don't want to become a cold-hearted, non-feeling zombie, but would like to learn to keep some composure when helping family with their loss. Thanks again.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

As you go along in your nursing career, you will find that some patient deaths are harder to deal with than others, and in time you'll learn which types of situations you handle well and which are not so good. You don't have to be afraid of being human, though; in fact, I'd be more concerned about you if you didn't experience some sorrow at the loss of a patient. There is nothing worse in this profession than a nurse who can't feel. While you don't really have the luxury of going to pieces in front of the family, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with shedding a few tears............in my experience, most families appreciate the fact that we genuinely care about their loved ones, and they never forget it when we cry, hug, pray, sing, or otherwise mourn with them.

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Specializes in Women's Specialty, Post-Part, Scrub(cs).

No problem, that is what we are here for...support of each other. Those crying jags are pretty bothersome since they do just pop up. My doctor also put me on something that has made a world of difference. Fish Oil!!! I am weaning off the Wellbutrin. But, I do take the fish oil and can tell a difference on the days that I don't take it. Maybe it is all in my head....but I like how much better I feel with NO side effects. I buy the enteric coated so I don't taste or smell fishy. I am willing to go with it since it appears to work for me. Heart healthy, too. Keep your chin up. I was told by a good friend who lost her mother..."It will take a good year for you to start to feel normal again." I am getting there. And so will you. Hugs

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Specializes in ER,MED_SURG,REHAB,HOME HEALTH, OR,.

just to lose a pt is hard, be it a new grad or nurse for 17 yrs it doent get any better or easier i guess thats why we became nurses because we cared

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Specializes in LTC, cardiac, ortho rehab.

crying is good. were human beings not cyborgs or robots or something. im a guy and everytime one of my patients died, i would cry my eyes out in the bathroom. soo i guess it normal.

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Specializes in LTC.

In my experience, the family cried, I cried and we shared stories of their loved one from the time I cared for them up until the end. For the most part, the families I have dealt with find this consoling. Families have told me that they would rather I grieve with them, It shows I really did care for their loved one and that comforted the families. I leave opening the windows to my cna's they have superstitions about this. I have read alot of books on these matters and really never found conclusive evidence that it is not superstition.

God be with you. I am so sorry about your father. Losing a parent is so hard. My mother passed away 5 yrs ago and it still seems like yesterday in my heart. My prayers are with you.

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