Quote from VivaLasViejas
That's the part I'm having the most trouble with---wanting to be who I was before all this "stuff" happened to change me into someone I barely even know. I hate to think that this is my new normal. How do you accept that the changes are forever, and how do you come to believe that it'll be OK?
Viva, I have been struggling and asking the same question for five years...I have just started to realize I am who who I "was," and I'm just evolving.
It has been trying to "heal" from PTSD...and it works my bipolar trait overtime!!!
I've tried to be that person "before" person, and I have started to realize that I must evolve with the "now" person in order to be ME, even if I don't know what THAT looks like.
It took me to realize this after changing jobs. I had to get my hackles down from who I was to who I am NOW...and I realize I do have strong traits and talents from the past I can take with me, and look forward and in the now be the same person...I've decided to accept this about a month ago...I was in a real bad fog since last year; and really thought I was "ok" even though I wasn't...sometimes I think I could've been successful at my previous job if I really stepped back and let that first opportunity go
HOWEVER lessons learned; whatever my setback was, it will certainly help me grow in leaps and bounds; and I believe that is possible for everyone, regardless of age and it exclusive to ALL walks of life.
One of the things I've learned to do is relearn compartmentalism again...by addressing issue that bother me and then making a decision on how I view a situation or subject, and learned to compartmentalize in the "let it go box" or an appropriate, healthy way to deal with people who can be soul draining, or chronically unhappy, or emotionally immature, and are content with being that way. I also tighten my circle to people who are not in these categories or exhibit traits that could possibly trigger anything to feel traumatized. I really rely on those nursing skills in communicating with different personalities from fundamentals and mental health rotation to help me make sense of things, lol; it's also help me not sweat the small stuff, sometimes. Hey, I'm still learning.
Sometimes, a good old fashion rant of volcanic proportions used to work, but did nothing to ease my stress levels
...they are now more about soapboxes, and moving it into a compartment for a soapbox day, if I need it; usually I'm more about a solution or a philosophy quote for a gripe lets it go until an opportunity for a solution is presented...and if not, it is what it is...
One huge factor, for me that I utilize to keep me quirky, yet realistically positive and peaceful is meditation, deep breathing, and yoga to help me relax, have clarity and feel refreshed. To release negative thoughts through taking 2-5 minutes of my busy life really helps. I will meditate when I wake up, if I need a quick bathroom break, during lunch (yes, as a nurse I am MORE than happy to take a lunch, and cover for someone
else to take lunch...we deserve it!
) and before I go to bed. Some days I meditate more, some less; enough to check in on my thoughts and stress level.
Now I have an app on my smartphone to help me "check in" when the "old me" habits rush forward and my stress levels get high. It has a stress measurement, plus great "sessions" with positive affirmations and guided imagery. They range from 2-5 minutes, just enough to take time out of a hectic day and keep me centered.
I believe in also vacations...if it is not in the budget, I LOVE reading, especially books from different countries and time periods.
And an oldie but goodie from the "old" me, painting.
I have DECIDED that it will be OK...even if I have to crawl before I walk...one step at at time.