"If they really cared about their mom, they wouldn't of put her in a nursing home"

[Bruce_Wayne]

Related to complaints about nursing homes I've heard arguments like "If they really loved her, they wouldn't have put her in a home. They'd take care of her themselves, nothing is more important than family."

Also, "What do you expect when you go to the cheapest possible nursing home/whatever medicare will pay for. If they really cared they'd put her in a more expensive/better nursing home".

What are your ideas about these opinions?

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

"Do not EVER judge others' decisions."

The best quote I saw. I don't think anyone should be judged for their decisions or attacked for their opinions.

Much of this is also a cultural area; many, many cultures will not place their parents in a nursing home (I'm inlcuded).

I do not have anything against respectable nursing homes; I worked in a great one and enjoyed working there. Its just not something I would do but I personally do not have any first hand nursing home horror stories. As with anything, there are good and bad ones out there, I've never encountered a bad one.

My parents were dirt poor and found a way to take care of my siblings and myself and I feel that I could find a way to do the same for them. Its a family decision and people shouldn't be judged for a family decision.

Agree

In Sydney we see more of certain cultural groups in nursing homes and less of others.

We see more Lebanese, Greek, Italian, Croatian caring for their elders at home and way fewer ethnically UK Euros caregiving at home.

Though when I was a growing up it was not uncommon for Irish Catholics to insist on having their elders at home but I think that has changed now

[grantz]

"Do not EVER judge others' decisions."

The best quote I saw. I don't think anyone should be judged for their decisions or attacked for their opinions.

Much of this is also a cultural area; many, many cultures will not place their parents in a nursing home (I'm inlcuded).

I do not have anything against respectable nursing homes; I worked in a great one and enjoyed working there. Its just not something I would do but I personally do not have any first hand nursing home horror stories. As with anything, there are good and bad ones out there, I've never encountered a bad one.

My parents were dirt poor and found a way to take care of my siblings and myself and I feel that I could find a way to do the same for them. Its a family decision and people shouldn't be judged for a family decision.

Absolutely true cacentralvalley. No opinions are wrong. It's my opinion and no one should be saying that "No, you should do this and that because they are this and that" seriously just relax. This topic was started to give your opinions and not to start attacking each other just because you don't agree/like their opinions. Why don't you just give yourself a break?? peace out :grn:

[grantz]

This is NOT funny. There is no laughing with this.

It's extremely personal for every person who has to make this decision. I worked in an admissions office of a really nice LTC- and families would blame one sibling for placing the parent, but were nowhere to be found to share the care. You are showing a great deal of unawareness about this....

NOBODY wants to put someone in a nursing home. It's a matter of safety and necessity.

Did I said so? They I say that I'll be putting my family in nursing home when they are old?

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

Wow. Clearly, some people do not know how to have a civilized debate.

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

What about the huge list of other things that people have that just aren't reasonable to keep at home? It has nothing to do with what kind of parent you had....... Really?

It's not about being being "dumped"....or being super-kid and keeping a parent at home. That's great it worked for you :) Don't judge others, eh? :)

Sometimes the nursing homes are the safest option.

One could argue it does depend on what kind of parent they were

As some parents don't care too much about their children when they are growing up ..... those kids might have to be saints to want to care for their elder parents.

Often I've had to call families to come in and see their dying parent ..... they are not keen sometimes and reading between the lines I would say their parent may have been abusive. I don't think I would want to come in and see a dying pedophile parent. And I would definitely put a pedophile parent in a nursing home. Sad but fact of life for some people

[grantz]

:hdvwl: :dzed: :anbd: :smackingf :nuke: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :sstrs:

Very nice..

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

One could argue it does depend on what kind of parent they were

As some parents don't care too much about their children when they are growing up ..... those kids might have to be saints to want to care for their elder parents.

Often I've had to call families to come in and see their dying parent ..... they are not keen sometimes and reading between the lines I would say their parent may have been abusive. I don't think I would want to come in and see a dying pedophile parent. And I would definitely put a pedophile parent in a nursing home. Sad but fact of life for some people

I don't disagree with this :)

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

I don't disagree with this :)

Thanks :)

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

Thanks :)

I had a particular guy who had a bunch of kids, and none would visit- I didn't get it, but it wasn't my place to figure it all out :)

There are a LOT of reasons for nursing homes, that's my main point

[grantz]

I had a particular guy who had a bunch of kids, and none would visit- I didn't get it, but it wasn't my place to figure it all out :)

There are a LOT of reasons for nursing homes, that's my main point

Ok. That's make things crystal clear. So I hope others won't act weirdly on someone's opinion.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

I wrote this a er ago, for school.

Why Granma is in a Nursing Home

“Mary, don’t pinch!” I yelp, wresting my wrist from the grip of a grinning, demented little old lady. “Here’s the rest of your medicine,” and I point the spoon of crushed medications in applesauce towards her toothless mouth. “It it poison is it poison is it poison,” she intones. “No, Mary, it’s your medicine.”

This scene or one very similar plays multiple times during the morning ritual in long-term care known as “med pass.” Before I worked in this area I was quite judgmental about people who abandoned their loved ones to cold institutions and thought those people to be heartless and selfish. Now I know better.

Imagine yourself as a retired woman. Mom lives with you and your husband in your home. Mom’s also getting forgetful and is pretty unsteady on her feet. She has already had one good fall that landed her in the emergency room. While she was there the case manager mentioned to you that she was showing signs of early dementia and asked if you were capable of caring for her. Of course, you got huffy and took offense. This is your mother, who took care of you when you were a baby, nursed you through all of your illnesses, wiped your nose and bottom, who raised you to be the loving, responsible person you are today.

You take Mom home and notice that, well, she is a bit more confused than you thought. She sometimes calls you Louise, her long-dead sister’s name. She looks for her husband, who died in 1989. She puts the newspaper in the refrigerator and starts wandering around the house at sundown. You have taken up all of the throw rugs because she trips on them and removed all of the knick-knacks from the shelves because she knocks them over as she reaches out to steady her faltering steps.

Tonight you hear the smoke alarm. You run to the kitchen to find your mother dozing at the kitchen table as smoke emanates from the stove. You grab the fire extinguisher that’s under the sink, put out the fire, and are now afraid to go to sleep. And Mom is not herself. When you take her arm to lead her out of the smoky kitchen she strikes out at you. Her speech is unclear and you tell your husband you are taking her to the emergency room. Again.

She has a urinary tract infection. A simple UTI. And it has completely staggered her. This time, when the case worker starts asking you about her behavior, you burst into tears and it all comes tumbling out. You have been afraid to leave her alone for weeks. She is not able to walk very well any more. You are frightened that she is going to break a hip. Sometimes she doesn’t know you. She no longer has any control of her bladder and sometimes, not even of her bowels. And sometimes, not often but sometimes, she hits and bites and pinches.

That was six months ago. Your mother is deteriorating, but she is safe from self-harm. She is clean and dry and warm and fed. You have put your guilt and shame to rest – you have finally made peace with breaking your promise never to put her in a home.

And I try, again, to get her to take her medicine.

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

Ok. That's make things crystal clear. So I hope others won't act weirdly on someone's opinion.

Grantz, this was a reply to a comment from pedicurn :)