Yeah, I am a student nurse, I sit on my lazy but eatting bon bons alllll day long!!!

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Specializes in Ante-Intra-Postpartum, Post Gyne.

If I hear my husband use the phrase, "Well when you work 40 hours a week!...."

I just stopped asking my husband for any help. I tried to get him to help out around the house since I have started nursing school. No. okay, understandable, I got this student nurse thing a little bit better under control now...could you at least do the dishes you get dirty when I am not home? no. Could you put your clothes in the hamper instead of on the living room floor? no. (when I am lucky he soaks the dishes). okay maybe I am not at a job that pays, but nursing school is work, and I am at it 7 days a week! I never see my friends, all I do is go to class and study; literally. I am not complaining, this is what I want to do and I feel privileged to do it, but can I get a little credit? I am working my a$$ off here! It took me forever to talk my husband into letting me go back to school (lets not get started on that subject) and I still get scorn every once and awhile. (He got a new job that was paying the same amount more an hour as I was making as a medical assistant so there was no exuse to not let me go back).

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Specializes in Urgent Care.

They just don't understand. My husband is finally coming around- 4 years later! That is why I spend a lot of time talking with my fellow classmate friends. they are really the only ones who can relate.

I hope things get better for you, summer is coming soon!

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This is just me, not saying to its a good thing or not.....I don't put up with no mess. Either you are going to support me and be in my corner, or you can bounce :lol2: . We support them, cook, clean, have $ex (which is a chore), take care of their kids..and everything else under the sun. Of course I am not advising you to leave your spouse, but as WOMEN, we need to stop thinking about everyone else and do for US. We do so much for them (and don't get me wrong, there are soooo many good men out there as well), it is time that we take out time to do something for us. He needs to understand that this is only temporary. .

I'm sure that things we get better. Just tell him how you feel. Then tell him if 'you' were NikNik, he would be out the door, LOL. Good Luck to you and never, ever, give up. ;)

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Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.

Why would you clean up your husband's mess? Let him pick up his own dirty clothes. If he wants to eat off clean dishes, then he can just get busy and start washing them. That would be my thinking on this. Please notice, I'm divorced and I don't particularly like to do housework. However, this was not a problem with my husband. He was really good about cleaning up after himself. But, if he wasn't, I would have had no problem letting him wallow in his own grunge, especially since I have one cat that likes to squat and pee on any clothes or towels left lying on the floor. I'm sure if this cat was living in your house it would either be dead at the hands of an angry person or the clothes would be picked up and put where they belonged after the first incident. :roll

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Buy paper plates and quit washing any clothes that are not in the hamper. Or sit down and have a serious talk with him about the situation, and let him know that you need to be treated like the equal that you are and not a servant. My husband would never treat me like that, but he doesn't really see mess and just doesn't clean often. We talked it over, and the solution was that if I am going to attempt to work (I can go PT) while going through NS, we are going to hire a maid serice. So we did. Otherwise, are there any other chores that you can assign him? If he hates laundry, could he be resposible for dinner a certain number of nights per week? Or vacuum, or do bathrooms? Hopefully you can work something out that will make you both happier.

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does it depends how much you are depending on him right now while you are a student?

could you manage without him right now?

if not, then either get this sorted out now before it drives you crazy,

with his help in specific tasks, or adjust to the mess for a while, or accept that you are going to do it

it would be nice if he would help, but if he's not going to do these things, then try to understand how he sees things.

If he's paying for everything then he might not agree to do the chores (I've heard this before from a fellow I used to live with - if they pay the bills, then they don't want to do housework)

Maybe hire someone to come in for cleaning?

I hope it works okay for you.

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Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

Leaving alone what you will ultimately decide about your future with a spouse who treats you this way, I will expand on what someone said earlier about buying paper plates and suggest plastic silverware, lots of take out dinners, and plenty of the newer cleaning items that make quicker work out of things. I'm talking about things like those Clorox wipes for your kitchen and bathroom, the toilet wand that minimizes scrubbing, the daily shower cleaners, etc. If you possibly can, you might also try to lower your housekeeping standards and cut down on your frustration. It doesn't sound like he'll be stepping up to the plate to help anytime soon.

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Personally, if I'm not being supported and cared for in a relationship, it's just not worth it to me. I'm not one of those women who feels fulfilled taking care of a man. I'm in a non-traditional relationship and he does more than his share around the house because I'm in nursing school. He's cranky sometimes, but he doesn't complain.

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Specializes in Junior Year of BSN.

Well if he thinks that wear a big red beehive wig and leopard print top and black tight pants with heels. Leave the place a mess and don't cook, just cook for you or buy some food from outside just for YOU! Every time he comes in the room watch soap operas and eat chocolate. Act like you notice there's nothing wrong with a dirty house, I bet he'll get so upset he'll just HAVE to clean the mess up.

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This is why I will never get married haha.

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Specializes in Med/Surg <1; Epic Certified <1.
Well if he thinks that wear a big red beehive wig and leopard print top and black tight pants with heels. Leave the place a mess and don't cook, just cook for you or buy some food from outside just for YOU! Every time he comes in the room watch soap operas and eat chocolate. Act like you notice there's nothing wrong with a dirty house, I bet he'll get so upset he'll just HAVE to clean the mess up.

In my experience, this only works as a temporary fix...after 30 years, mine hasn't changed hardly a bit...his priorities are totally different than mine are, have been, and probably always will be...hence, upon my graduation, he may be looking for a new 'maid/cook'....

I wish you a lot of luck....

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Specializes in L&D, PACU.
Buy paper plates and quit washing any clothes that are not in the hamper. Or sit down and have a serious talk with him about the situation, and let him know that you need to be treated like the equal that you are and not a servant.

:yeahthat:

Mercyteapot: I will expand on what someone said earlier about buying paper plates and suggest plastic silverware, lots of take out dinners, and plenty of the newer cleaning items that make quicker work out of things. I'm talking about things like those Clorox wipes for your kitchen and bathroom, the toilet wand that minimizes scrubbing, the daily shower cleaners, etc.

I'm really all for the sitting down for a heart to heart. And whether or not that works, go with the stuff that Mercyteapot suggested. I have no hubby around to help, and some of the above shortcuts really help. (not having an extra person to pick up after helps.)

What really annoys me is...why is it automatically assumed it is the female whose job it is to accomplish all this. I used to buy in to the...well he's making more money than I am and spending more time at work than I am thing. And then he lost his job and I took on extra hours. Guess what!!!! He sat around all day, eating bonbons and watching TV. No, not really. But he didn't do a scrap of housework, not even to clean off the plates he'd dirty while I was gone. No laundry. No dishes. Nothing. So...it wasn't really about money, or time. It was about gender. Sigh. Sorry. I'm taking a required gender class this quarter and its starting to rub off on me.

Your man...you'll have to deal with that. But make life easy. Nursing school is hard. In ten years it will make a big difference whether you went to school or not. In ten years it won't matter a SCRAP whether you washed the kitchen counter or not. Go with the one that will make a difference

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