Nursing students and immaturity

[Melanin]

Hi! I wanted to bring something up that really surprised me & I'm not sure what to do about it. First of all, let me say that we have a number of males in our nursing program, and they are top-notch, fantastic, helpful, compassionate, and mature - I really enjoy having them around. This is in no way a comment on male nursing students. But here's what's going on.

A couple of the young male nursing students in my Master's (!) program think it's funny when our instructor talks about problems involving genitalia. They giggle in class and basically don't act like I would imagine someone studying medicine would act. Okay, okay, it may be unusual to hear an instructor speak frankly about the vasalva maneuver or imperforate orificees on newborns if one is not used to hearing about such things. But COME ON, we're in nursing school!

What's bothering me is that a couple of the guys have apparently been talking about me - I've had a couple of comments shouted to me across the cafeteria, and just recently one of them walked up to me after a big test and said, "Hey, X tells me you have an imperforate orifice. Is this true?" Then he just stood there staring at me, I guess waiting for my response.

I'm just not sure how to respond to this kind of comment. I am a woman in my mid- to late- forties, and I guess I don't expect to be spoken to this way by a colleague. The two guys who are saying these things are younger than me, by the way - one is in his twenties, and one is in his thirties. As far as I know, I haven't said or done anything to make these guys mad, but I feel like I'm being picked on/harrassed. It's so immature and frankly embarrassing for me that I guess I've been too shocked to respond or do anything about it. How do you think I should handle this line of questioning? I want it to stop right now, and I certainly don't want to respond in a way that will just exacerbate this behavior. I feel like nursing school is stressful enough, and I just want to do my best, graduate, and become an awesome nurse.

Thanks!

[ToyaB]

I think the appropriate action in this is to talk to the boys first. Some people are just idiotic. They don't think about how the things they say out of their mouths affect other people. They sound immature and they need to be set straight. Maybe they think you're okay with their comments. You have to let them know that you are not. Tell them straight up, "Keep your dumb comments to yourself. I'm not into that." If they continue to make comments, THEN you should talk to your advisor or instructor about it.

If you're not comfortable saying that to them then you can just go to the instructor about it.

If you don't think it warrants involving the instructor, I would think about asking one of you friends to kindly relay the message, but that one's a little dicey...

That's a tough spot to be in..

Darn them for putting you in this position!

Good Luck!

[msn10]

I agree you have to talk to the men first, however, as a nursing instructor, I can assure you that your school has some type of policy in place that deals with this behavior. Yes, the next time you encounter this behavior or see it happen to someone else, you have to step in. Standing up for yourself is no different than standing up for a patient. Can you imagine if they said something like this to a patient? I have seen this type of behavior escalate into patient care issues. If they can get away with treating fellow colleagues poorly- who can stand up for themselves - then there may be no limits to their bad behavior.

Ignoring the behavior is condoning it. That is the first rule I teach in my Conflict and Communication seminars. There is NO excuse for this type of immature behavior. Dear God, they are training to become nurses.

Don't get me wrong, I know us nurses can say inappropriate things and tell dirty jokes now and then, but to be laughing in class and then start the same behavior with you? I certainly wouldn't want these 2 taking care of my mom. If you want specific strategies, please IM me and I can give you a number of resources on how to handle situations like these.

[Melanin]

Thank you very much. Yes, I will have a talk with these two guys to let them know that this kind of thing is definitely not okay with me. I'm not very comfortable doing this, but I see that it has to be done and some things are bigger than my own discomfort. My guess is that when I am face-to-face with these two, they will hear me or at least say that they hear me. And then if the behavior continues, or if I feel that my message isn't being heard loud and clear, I'll go a step further. My fear is that these two may get defensive and then try to undermine me in subtle ways (which it seems to me they've already been doing by making me the butt [seriously, no pun intended] of their jokes). But then again, I can't predict how this will play out. Maybe everything will work out fine. The main thing I want to get across is that I don't find their brand of humor very funny, and I'm not comfortable with being the object of this kind of comment - so they would be better off making jokes about each other, if they must make jokes. I may just meet with my advisor to describe what has happened and what I plan to do, without naming any names, just to ensure that I'm handling this appropriately and to get some support.

[shermrn]

These idiots need to be taught a lesson, nail them for sexual harassment.

[plumbtrician]

Exactly! Be direct, be firm and if that doesn't solve the problem utilize the chain of command. The "nail them for sexual harassment" type of thinking is pretty reactionary and infantile. If you deal with perceived adversity with maturity and professionalism, you will gain respect. It's all about respect.

Recap: They disrespected you, let them know that! Don't go running to mommy, you are a NURSE!!! You are to be respected!!!

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

It's sexual harrassment. It's illegal. The OP can stop it or endure it. It's her choice.

I'd first ask the two to stop. Warn them of consequences if they didn't.

Then follow through with those consequences if the harrassment didn't stop.

I'd also agree that this was bullying. I hadn't viewed it that way at first, but it is.

I should be past the age of surprises, but I'm amazed that men that smart, can behave in such idiotic ways.

[bbble 25]

Sexual harassment is illegal. You don't have to "putup with it" or "just ignore it". It's nor working, and usually it never does. So many people keep this to themselves, bottling up inside. If something is illegal and you report it, its not tatteling, its doing what's right, even if others don't agree. GL