Not sure how to deal with this future classmate...

[tulipsupontulips]

Hi all. I start nursing school in January. I'm a member of a facebook group for my nursing cohort in order to keep up with new information. I also use it to befriend future classmates. In my personal life I'm very happy. I'm in a serious relationship and have been for the past 6 years.

3 weeks ago, one of the guys in my cohort shot me a facebook message. He asked me where I bought my stethoscope. Not anything out of the ordinary for me because I've been approached by future classmates before, only difference this time is that he's a male. But I thought "Eh he got into a very competitive BSN program, so I don't think he's flirting with me. I'm sure he's a mature guy and just wants to get to know people in the cohort..." so I replied to him. He sent me his number so I could text him. Yes, I'm aware this is where I should've drew a line, but I thought he would keep things professional and texted him anyway. My intentions were to keep things friendly, just like with all the other people I talk to in the cohort. He did keep things very professional for the first 2 days. He told me I could go to him if I had any questions because he already knew someone in the program. Then on the 3rd day, he suddenly says "We can study together as long as you don't distract me ;)" I quickly shut him down by telling him "Trust me I won't" and he changed the subject immediately. On Thanksgiving Day he texts me "Happy Thanksgiving!!" I was puzzled because I don't really know the guy well enough to receive a message like that from him. I didn't want to be rude so I replied back "Happy Thanksgiving to you too!" and he says "Oh sorry that was for someone else" at that point, in my opinion, I felt like he was bothered by the fact that I didn't give into his flirtatious text and he wanted to make me feel inferior by telling me the Thanksgiving text was for someone else. Because who takes back a Happy Thanksgiving text even if it was a mistake? I didn't reply to him at all. He texted me a few days later to discuss some things about school. I made some small talk in order to slowly distance myself. Every now and then he talks about himself, but he likes to boast a lot. He mentioned to me "Yeah I live across the Maserati dealership" and "I don't know what I want to do when I graduate... I just want to make tons of money" definitely didn't want to associate with him anymore. He also sends me photos/videos of random things he does daily... like pictures of his lunch, unboxing videos, pictures of his calendar, pictures of him driving home. I ignored his pictures and videos and he continued.

Yesterday I told my boyfriend about the problem and he said I should cut him off slowly... no confrontation because it's not a good idea to make enemies in nursing school. Right after we had that conversation, the guy from my cohort sends me a text at midnight. The text said "Hi" I was already creeped out by him, but this made it worse. My boyfriend said "Don't reply... once he figures out you're not going to respond, he might try to ask you a school related question in order to get back to a safer topic" and that is exactly what happened. He texted me again 20 minutes after the other text and asked "Hey do you have the paper that is needed for the school badge?"

He makes me uncomfortable. As an adult woman, I've had many encounters with clingy men and the red flags were similar to this. This guy will be in my lectures and labs so I can't just get away from him.

[Irish_Mist, BSN, RN]

It sounds like this guy is trying to flirt with you. At this point, it sounds harmless. If you don't respond to his texts, he will probably stop bothering you. If he starts threatening you or harassing you, definitely escalate the situation. But based on everything you've written on here, it doesn't sound like it's at that point.

[Shookclays, ASN, BSN, CNA, RN]

he likes to boast a lot. He mentioned to me "Yeah I live across the Maserati dealership"

Oh my gawd I just scared my dog with laughter.

[ATTACH=CONFIG]25408[/ATTACH]

[Fire_Girl]

This guy is absolutely going to say something to you in class, He thinks you guys are friends, even though you've given him absolutely NO indication of friendship whatsoever, you've been very polite, but he is trying to push boundaries and you do not deserve that.

If it were me, I would just ignore him completely. If he asks you for homework or something else tell him "nope I dont have it" and continue to ignore. He clearly doesnt understand that his behavior is inappropriate and so telling him you have a boyfriend probably wont work. The only thing that makes guys like that stop is them deciding to leave you alone after youve ignored them. If he gets abusive you should take the text messages to your school. If he says something abusive in person, you should ask him to repeat what he said "just so youre clear about what he said" and then walk right to the deans office and report it.

[NotAllWhoWandeRN, ASN, RN]

Trust. Your. Instincts. At the very least, he is ignoring your passive disinterest and that's not a good thing.

Be direct. If you do not clearly communicate that you're not interested in a social relationship he will twist that into plausible deniability if it turns out he's a major creep.

If he is not a major creep, your saying "I'm not interested in contact outside the classroom; please do not contact me" might embarrass him a little, but it might teach him to pay attention to cues that he's giving unwanted attention, and he will not turn it into classroom drama. If he IS a major creep, you will have established proof of a clear boundary if he should violate that boundary in the future. If he approaches you in person, send e-mails on your school account describing what he did and tell him he should stop because you're uncomfortable. If that isn't enough to stop him, then it is reasonable to get the school involved.

You do not need to tolerate bad behavior in the name of keeping peace; that's how the truly awful people are able to continue operating without consequence. If he's a sophisticated creep he's checking how you react to having your boundaries pushed - and if you are passive or give him friendly responses he will take that as permission to keep pushing.

You should not need to communicate ownership by another man (describing boyfriend as jealous, etc) and frankly my concern is that type of statement suggests that if you weren't in a relationship you might be interested.

[direw0lf, BSN]

So when you go on a job interview for a pca or nurse you are going to be asked scenario questions or if you take a nurse battery test for a job, also asks scenario questions. Some of those questions pertain to how you would handle coworkers/team members you do not get along with or who's style you dislike. If you answer "go to the manager!" That's not the right answer that a hiring manager wants to read/hear at all. So apply that to this situation you are going through now. You may not like this guy's style but he's done nothing wrong, especially since you never mentioned having a bf. Im not saying it's your fault. From an outsiders opinion, I do not see anything wrong. I wouldn't jump to conclusions like about if he really meant to text you happy thanksgiving or not. If it really bothers you, block his number. For the future, getting along with people in your cohort and whereever you end up working is going to be a lifesaver one day so I wouldn't want any enemies.