My husband won't let me do bed baths - page 4

I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He... Read More

  1. by   abundantjoy07
    It's just school. Besides doesn't he know you're going to get to see real naked people on an almost daily basis anyway?
    When you start working on patients it's sooooo unsexual. Even the hottest person...it's still not sexy. It's work. It's bright lights, noise, wounds, blood, poop and drains with all kinds of colorful material...
    No one goes to the hospital just to get bathed for the heck of it...
    Your husband needs to take a chill pill!
  2. by   midcom
    Quote from Skittlez
    Hearts, I'm going to give you a differnet perspective... I'm married and my husband says stuff like that too. We both think its funny and cute. And without saying it he is just say "I dont want you to leave me baby..." I totally understand that. I feel the same way too..We just love each other that dog on much..Making a husband an "ex" because he wants his wife is ummmm.... i dont know what to say about that... but try to see it from his perspective and put yourself in his place. Imagine the images that he is seeing right now.. some man rubbing his hands down your body... shorts or not.. thats a bad image for a husband.. now.. imagine someone rubbing there hands down your husbands body.. now.. how do you feel.. would it be wrong to voice your opinion about how you feel about another woman's hands on him in such a way. Even though we both know that it is not "glamorous" or its not the way it seems. Please know that you do need to try to soothe him the best way you can in the ways that only you know how to do. Taking on the attitude that "Im a nurse now I dont have to listen to you..." is the exact attitude that husbands are afraid of. Prove him wrong.
    I'm sorry but both you & your husband have a lot of growing up to do. Telling her she can't give a man a bed bath is not telling her he doesn't want her to leave him, "baby." No, it is telling her that in his twisted perverted mind that this is a sexual act. He needs to grow up too. You say it would bother you if another woman had her hands on your husband or if he touched another woman. I sure hope to God you didn't marry a gynecologist!
    I don't believe for one moment that she is saying, "I'm a nurse now. I don't have to listen to you." She is saying "I'm an adult & you are not my father." If my husband ever had the audasity to say that I coudn't do something that I needed to do at work, yep, he'd be my Ex in no time, & by the way, I've been married 35 years.
    Dixie
  3. by   Nurse-To-Be-Joy
    Wow. He sounds super controlling. But anyways... do you do a full bedbath on each other? I can't even imagine that. At my school, we went through the motions of giving one, but we never took our clothes off and we definately did not touch each other in any "private area." Even with femoral pulses, we are encouraged to find our own and significant other's. So, it's kind of shocking to me that a school would have classmates basically be naked in front of each other.

    (Btw, yes, I know we have to give bed baths to pts and that is fine. It is necessary to do that. But, I sure don't need some classmate I barely know cleaning my peri area to make me understand how the pt feels.)
  4. by   bcskittlez
    Quote from midcom
    I'm sorry but both you & your husband have a lot of growing up to do. Telling her she can't give a man a bed bath is not telling her he doesn't want her to leave him, "baby." No, it is telling her that in his twisted perverted mind that this is a sexual act. He needs to grow up too. You say it would bother you if another woman had her hands on your husband or if he touched another woman. I sure hope to God you didn't marry a gynecologist!
    I don't believe for one moment that she is saying, "I'm a nurse now. I don't have to listen to you." She is saying "I'm an adult & you are not my father." If my husband ever had the audasity to say that I coudn't do something that I needed to do at work, yep, he'd be my Ex in no time, & by the way, I've been married 35 years.
    Dixie
    Hi midcom, I don't believe she is saying that at all. (For one, she is not a nurse yet). I believe it possible to develop that sort of attitude after becoming a nurse. You are right, I have alot of growing up to do. So thank God i'm allowed to learn and make mistakes along the way. Let me repeat myself, I said we do this 'jokingly'. I also, in my immaturity, like to keep an open mind about the differences in people. Some people just.. dont.. see.. that as being overprotective, just concerned.. actually, it's critical thinking. Just not excepting what other people say, just because the majority says it. But rather, doing things based on facts. And it seems as though her husband is looking for some facts. And then again... he could be being sensitive, overbearing, jealous, and insecure... Just like someone can be having a heart attack, or just having heartburn.. My point, i'm not in her household, so i'm just being objective and introducing another "theory". Which is basically what everyone's comments are since we don't fully know her situation... Right? :kiss
  5. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    LET you?

    Might want to work on settling this now, though, or it'll just keep going on and get worse. He needs to get over the fact (and his insecurities with himself) that there's nothing sexual about any of the procedures.

    (I wouldn't have problems with this, mainly because i wouldn't tolerate my huband acting like they're my father telling me what i can and cannot do, especially when it pertains to unavoidable aspects of my career, but that's just me.)
    This is SO what I was thinking... I don't think I've disagreed with you yet...

    And congrats on 15,000 posts!!!
  6. by   emllpn2006
    My husband who is also very jealous was not happy when I told him we were doing bed baths on each other in school. I explained to him that my partner was a pregnate female and no chance of anything going on there. By the end of the year he had quickly over came the jealousy when he learned that I was going to be a nurse and seeing males privates was all part of it. The only thing he told me jokingly of course was the first time you come home telling me about the guy who was gigantic you will be dead.
  7. by   midcom
    Quote from Skittlez
    Hi midcom, I don't believe she is saying that at all. (For one, she is not a nurse yet). I believe it possible to develop that sort of attitude after becoming a nurse. You are right, I have alot of growing up to do. So thank God i'm allowed to learn and make mistakes along the way. Let me repeat myself, I said we do this 'jokingly'. I also, in my immaturity, like to keep an open mind about the differences in people. Some people just.. dont.. see.. that as being overprotective, just concerned.. actually, it's critical thinking. Just not excepting what other people say, just because the majority says it. But rather, doing things based on facts. And it seems as though her husband is looking for some facts. And then again... he could be being sensitive, overbearing, jealous, and insecure... Just like someone can be having a heart attack, or just having heartburn.. My point, i'm not in her household, so i'm just being objective and introducing another "theory". Which is basically what everyone's comments are since we don't fully know her situation... Right? :kiss
    Skittlez, Thank you for not taking offense at what I said. To be honest, I think her situation hit a little bit close to home. No, my husband hasn't expressed this & at this stage of our lives, he knows better but way back when, well, his attitude prevented me from returning to school & even caused me to quit the one time I did get to go to nursing school. See, I am not yet a nurse. I start classes in a couple weeks. Over the years he got over his insecurities. He won't make those kind of remarks. He knows how important this is to me, enough that I am going from retiring from one profession to all the way back to being a student in less than one week.

    Just yesterday he made a negative remark, one about him thinking I never could give a shot because I won't give one to an animmal. I let him know that wouldn't be a problem & even offered to practice on him,if he doubted. LOL

    I truly believe that the OP's husband is "overbearing, jealous, and insecure" just like my husband was 25 years ago. My husband saw me becoming a nurse as a way to get out of our relationship. He knew that with 3 kids & no skills, I would stay where I was no matter what happened but if I could make a decent living, if I found that I wanted to leave, I would be free to do it knowing I could support my children. I did go to wqork & made a decent living, one that could support my children & me, if necessary. Once he realized that I had no intention of leaving him, that I was happy in our relationship, he calmed down.

    I hope the OP gets things straight with her husband & has enough backbone to let him know that he has no right to call all the shots. This is not the 1950's.
    Dixie
  8. by   bcskittlez
    Wow.. no I didn't take offense really. I hope this doesn't happen with us. I'm actually curious to see how she deals with this, just in case. Really I believe that telling your husband those kinds of details is to get a "rise" out of him. Also when you say your husband won't "let" you do something, it's because you "like" that kind of thing (being told what to do). Just my hypothesis,
  9. by   Boston-RN
    I think what some people are missing is the "that no guy was giving me a sponge bath" I don't think its the giving as much as the receiving from a fellow (male) student

    That's what I got from the post

    Either way ....issues, issues, issues
  10. by   midcom
    Skittlez,
    I think you hit the nail on the head. "Really I believe that telling your husband those kinds of details is to get a "rise" out of him." We all know what buttons to push or not push. So do they. There are lots of things that go on at my job now that I don't need to share with him, not that they are bad, but because he might take them wrong.

    And as far as your hypothesis, you might have something. The OP may still be at that stage where she doesn't mind being told what she can & cannot do. In that case, if he were to tell her that she couldn't do bed baths, it would be perfectly normal for her to accept his wishes, even though most wives wouldn't. She'll get there.

    Dixie
  11. by   Jules A
    Quote from Skittlez
    Really I believe that telling your husband those kinds of details is to get a "rise" out of him. Also when you say your husband won't "let" you do something, it's because you "like" that kind of thing (being told what to do). Just my hypothesis,
    I've often wondered that myself. Sometimes it seems as if the women I was in school with were bragging that their SO was jealous. I have no time for it, it is not cute, loving or whatever they see as endearing. It is totally immature and can become dangerous, imvho.
  12. by   locolorenzo22
    Ok, as a male student here, I would have a MAJOR problem if a girlfriend/wife told me that no woman better give me a bedbath even if I'm on CBR, grimey, and aching for a good shampoo...The receiving/giving problem is one that comes up every semester. It seemed to be the same opposite sex dynamic that has made sure myself and another male are giving assessment demos on each other, as the competent females seem to have some issue with the males having to manipulate their breasts to place stethoscope to hear heart/lung sounds. I know there will be many patients I will have to win over in my professional career, but I look forward to the challenge.
    As medical professionals, there are "parts" on each other we'll have to assess and treat for the body as a whole. After all, if you have to have a Foley, it'll be tough to try to do it without looking!
    It's time to grow, and explain that there is NEVER anything remotely sexual about a procedure. (If there is, there might be some professional/ethical issues you need to consider.)
    just my .02 cents.
  13. by   sunbeach73
    We got to choose a partner for lung and heart sounds. It was very difficult to hear through the cloths. Myself and another student said that as long as it remained a "learning" experience we had no problem with the male students (only had two in class) putting the stethoscope under our shirts. Per school rules this was not allowed. (neither was testing each other's blood sugars in clinicals, but we did that anyway.) It was just a matter of everyone agreeing on it. And since only two of us agree to the heart and lung sounds under the cloths it didn't go over. Some people are just so immature! Giving another student a bed bath wasn't necessary since we had the manakins for that.

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