"I Haven't Made Any Friends Yet!" - page 5
by TheCommuter 8,774 Views | 47 Comments Senior Moderator
Countless first-semester and first-quarter nursing students worriedly exclaim, ďI havenít made any friends in nursing school!Ē Over the years Iíve made a few curious observations about the nursing students who express the most... Read More
- 0Dec 20, '12 by somenurseQuote from Esme12No it doesn't indicate anything is wrong at all. Of course we all want to be liked, have friends, be accepted. So many times here we see new nursing students say how they "hate nursing" because they don't have any "friends" and they want to leave nursing because they don't have any "friends"........that the first year after graduation on their first job they hate it because they don't have any "friends".
The culture of the younger generation raised in social media revel in being "liked" and how many "friends" they have on Facebook or how many "followers" they have on Twitter. It was a struggle for a while with my teen (when I finally allowed them to have a FB account....they still are not allowed to twitter) That it is not the quantity of friends but the quality (when some of their "friends" have 600-800 "friends") That it isn't in the body count....how many you have listed but is what you have listed really a friend.
I see this in some of the posters that like their job/school but they don't have any friends. I tell my kids ....work is work and friends are friends.....sometimes the two meet but it isn't a requirement. You can be successful at your job without having "friends".....they are acquaintances. Some of this social media I think has changed, or warped, that sense of friend and being liked.......
Listening to my teens is always an education.
Oh, i so agree, it does NOT necessarily indicate there is anything wrong at all with a person who likes having a friend,
and i so agree------------it IS the quality of friends, not the quantity---you are so right, imo!! I didn't realize that (quantity) was what this article was about. I wasn't thinking of mass amounts of friends, just even one good buddy can make a difference, imo.
When i think of what 'friends' means,
like i said several times on this thread,
i mean real, actual friends, not 800 strangers who have added someone online. I thought this article was about the idea that student nurses who are new to a school and wish to befriend a fellow student nursing student, had lousy "self identities"<---which is what i think is a very questionable idea.
I wasn't referring to "adding" online strangers. I didn't even realize the OP was referring to social media, but making friends in real life, when they begin a real nursing school.
Like i've said a few times, i think a friend can help one handle stress better, if even just by making you smile or laugh, might even help one mature and to grow, help you get a better perspective now and then, talking over and processing the sometimes unique experiences of nursing school with someone you respect and trust, can help you feel strong, and can be fun, can help you keep going, and add much joy and depth to one's life. Laughter is the best medicine for many things.
Like i've said before,
perhaps those who have had friends, are more likely to wish to have friends again when they get to their new town. Who knows. Maybe those types would be more likely to want a friend in their new town, cuz they do know of the benefits of having such a relationship to share life with. I don't think this indicates they have poorly formed "self identities", or are going through "role confusion"(?) or just want 'status' (?), or are messed up due to "guilt", or "inflated self-perception", or "obsessed" or are "marred" or suffer from "unrequited identity formation"
or any of the other ways some people's replies are suggesting
with the person who enjoys having a friend.
Possibly, some who wish for a friend in nursing school, DO have "something" wrong with them,(?) but, i'd bet most are just normal humans. Humans are social species, for the most part. Possibly, some who are loners in school DO have "something" wrong with them, too,(?) but, i'd bet, most are just normal humans.
I really do think it's normal thing to want a friend when you start into a new school or in a new town. But, that's just me.Last edit by somenurse on Dec 20, '12
- 0Dec 20, '12 by metal_m0nkQuote from Esme12Yep. That's what I got from the OP as well. For some, it is a central preoccupation. It's all about priorities. Making friends, while advantageous in some circumstances, should not take precedence over successfully completing your training or becoming competent in your field.No it doesn't indicate anything is wrong at all. Of course we all want to be liked, have friends, be accepted. So many times here we see new nursing students say how they "hate nursing" because they don't have any "friends" and they want to leave nursing because they don't have any "friends"........that the first year after graduation on their first job they hate it because they don't have any "friends".
- 1Dec 20, '12 by StephalumpI tend to agree that there's more to the need for friends than identity. Yes, when you're looking at a specific age group (older teens and early twenty something's) relationships tend to be the focus in general. I don't think it's inherently unhealthy. It's just a part of growing up.
But even as non-trad student with 3 kids (and pushing 30), at the end of the day I'm still an extrovert. At the end of the day, I find NS stressful and I feel a support system that shares my experiences is crucial to my mental health.
The vast majority of my classmates are over 25 and parents, so I feel very fortunate to not to be the "odd man out" in that way. But I can imagine walking into classes day in and day out without feeling any real connections with anyone would take a toll on me. Obviously I didn't enroll in nursing school for the wild social scene, but I'm so glad to have met the people I have!
- 0Dec 22, '12 by Katie71275Im a nontraditional student (almost 29) and I'd agree with the majority of that. I do like to have friends in nursing school b/c you have that camraderie(sp) and encouragement. I do have a relative who is in school with me in the exact class and several friends and it's nice to have that backup. I was also a young parent, so when I was getting my first Bachelor's degree, I wasn't focused on partying then either or socializing.
- 2Dec 22, '12 by NscorpioredI am attending nursing school now and what I don't like about it are the cliques women (and some men) tend to get into. Too much backstabbing, gossip, backbiting, and tattle telling. I am not into any of this and since I am an only child and grandchild, being on my own doesn't bother me at all. When I do speak to those under me in the upcoming semesters I tell them to be careful, learn to study with a select group of people, and you have no friends. One minute you are butt buddies the next you are at each others throat
Since Fall 2011 I have had one major friend and I have kept her as my only real friend. This is the only person that calls when I am down, checks in on me and cares about, and even when I am in a mood she still deals with me. Bottom line people need to realize even in the real world and you are finally working as an RN you feel like you have no friends
- 0Dec 24, '12 by akulahawkRNI would most certainly be one of those people that would be considered an "nontraditional" nursing student. I am clearly well over 25, I have many obligations at home that I need to juggle along with school. Probably the biggest thing that makes a difference in terms of us nontraditional's is that we have to prioritize many of our activities in life. I have certainly made a number of friends while in nursing school but that was not my a goal for being there. I knew that along the way, I would meet a number of people that I would be friendly with, that I would become friends with, and some that I would hardly recognize because we don't have the same clinical schedules. And all of that is okay.
Personally, I think that one other issue with being a "nontraditional student" is that for those of us that have already been through college, we probably already have a good solid understanding of how to study best for ourselves. Unfortunately, for the younger crowd, that does not necessarily lend itself to study group activity. That is simply because we studied differently than people that are going through college the first time and are still learning how to study best.
In my case, I have learned that I can study very very efficiently. Part of that is because my knowledge base going into nursing is extremely wide. I only have to incorporate that knowledge that is new to me as opposed to building an entire new body of knowledge. That resulted in me getting very good grades throughout school so far. It also means that when other students asked me how I study, I tell them straight off: do not study the way I do, because I studied differently because of the background knowledge that I bring to the program.
That also means that I have a lot more time to do my paperwork (care plans). It also means that I have at least some time to spend with some of my classmates, if I have any other time available.
For the new student that has just completed or is about to begin nursing school 1st semester, you're going to be spending the next 3 to 4 semesters with a group of people, and simply because you are going through the same general experiences at about the same general time, they are going to become your support system while at school and in clinicals. Do not worry about making friends, that will happen of its own accord, in its own time. One other thing to consider is that as the semesters progress, your class is likely to gain and lose classmates because they have problems during clinicals, exams, life, etc. While it is certainly sad to see a classmate not progress with you, you should not lose sight of your end goal and that is completing your nursing program. If you or the classmate that doesn't get dropped from the program, and you end up re-enrolling in school, do not get hung up with wanting to progress with your classmates, you have a new batch of classmates that you can orient to the semester. It also means that you have a new batch of classmates to lean on, and they can lean on you for support. Again do not worry about making friends, that will happen in due time.
Make no mistake, nursing school is hard. It is meant to me that way because they are trying to instill in you the drive to do things the right way the first time, so that when you are working on your own, that driver will remain and you will continue to learn to do things the correct way every time. They are well aware that nursing practices will change over time and that what is correct now may become the incorrect way to do something later. It will be incumbent upon you to be the lifelong student and learn the correct way to do something and do it the correct way as evidence-based practices require you to. Personally, I figure the day I will stop learning is the day after I am dead.
- 0Dec 28, '12 by ThePrincessBrideI can't say that I disagree with this because in my time of need NONE of my friends cared to check up on me to make sure that I was okay.
I don't really care to make friends. Friendships and promises mean next to nothing it seems this day and age, just as fake as many of these happy-go-lucky facebook profile pages.
I sound cynical, but it is true.