Help / Confused in life

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Hi everyone,

My name is Melanie and I'm 23 years old. I'm considering to go to Nursing school for the ADN-degree to be an RN, but I'm not sure if I should. My story is quite complicated. I appreciate any opinion or input. :D

A little about me:

-After grade 10 in Indonesia (went to school there) I was able to transfer to university in America. Therefore, I never graduated high school. :specs: Also because of the different system in Indonesia, I wasn't able to choose my own classes (which would be prerequisites for RN school) :eek:

-I ended up going to art university and chose an Animation major, but afterwards switched majors again to Film :unsure:. I graduated in 2015 with a bachelor of arts degree. Because it's art school, I didn't have classes like microbiology, physics, chemistry, etc (which would be prerequisites for RN school) :no:

-I've never been convinced that I love my major, or any major. I just bear through. I can imagine myself suffering working in the film major, and it's unstable pay too which is one my my priority. Regardless I've been job hunting ever since I graduated with no luck. This made me wonder if I'm even meant to be in this field? How come other friends can get a job easily after graduation while I can't? :cry::cry:

Because of my Indonesian culture, it's quite frowned upon to be 23 (OLD), graduated and jobless, and now I want to change majors!? It's ridiculous. That's also one reason why I want to pursue the 2-year program rather than the 4-year BSN. Another personal reason is finance. I am using my father's money and America is crazy expensive compared to Indonesian currency. So if I do pursue nursing, I'll look for the cheaper ones.:)

I've always been interested in the medical field. I thought of becoming a doctor back in middle school. I generally sacrifice myself for other's well being because I feel satisfied knowing I made them feel better. Also whenever someone asks me if you had one superpower, what would it be?” It's always been power to heal others.”. :poto::poto:

So the question is, do I want to be a nurse because I have the passion? Or is it because I am desperate for money and therefore am looking for other routes to be independent and make money:uhoh3:? Even if I am sincere, with my lack of prerequisites classes I would have to take 1-2 years in order to take those classes elsewhere before being admitted into the RN program (but my age..:blink: Imma disappoint my family:cry:) and it'll mean my dad just wasted $$$$$$ dollars on my living expensive and previous degree :cry::cry: I'm so confused with myself. Confused in life. I'm such an inconsiderate selfish daughter.

What do you think I should do?

Thank you if you read to the end.

Please don't leave scarring comments, I'm feeling enough guilt right now.

(I did take nutrition class, anatomy class, and English classes in university. I also have physics, chemistry, and english certificates for IGCSE but this is back in middle school so it might not even matter anymore. Nevertheless, it's not enough for prerequisites I assume.)

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Specializes in LTC.
So the question is, do I want to be a nurse because I have the passion? Or is it because I am desperate for money and therefore am looking for other routes to be independent and make money?

Can it not be both?

And if the answer is one or the other -- is either one of them "wrong"?

We clearly come from different cultures -- but I am here to tell you that 23 is NOT old. My mom went back to college in her 40's and I am close to doing the same.

I say if you have parents who are willing and able to pay for it, get a solid career now and let go of the guilt and shame of not knowing what you want to do with your life when you were basically still a child. This forum is filled with men and women who are still deciding "what they want to be when they grow up". That's life. Pick a path and move forward on it. That's all we can do -- there is no going back.

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Can it not be both?

And if the answer is one or the other -- is either one of them "wrong"?

I say if you have parents who are willing and able to pay for it, get a solid career now and let go of the guilt and shame of not knowing what you want to do with your life when you were basically still a child.

Thank you 37changes for your insight. Thanks for questioning if either is wrong”. I know I need to be realistic, but it seems selfish of me if I'm pursuing nursing now because of money. Almost as if money goes beyond ‘caring for others'. Then again, it's a job.

I guess what I am worried about is family image. I understand this might not be common in America, but it's a huge deal for my family. It's the same reason why I am send to school in America rather staying in Indonesia. Because status wise you are ‘higher' if you can afford to study abroad. You are ‘better' if you graduated young and have a high paying, cool-sounding title in your career. That way others won't gossip badly about you or your family. Instead, right now, I am giving people good reason to gossip bad things about me and my family. At the end I'm just afraid of disappointing them.

Maybe I have to stop caring? I'm okay if they say bad things about me, but I don't want them to badmouth my family.

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Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

Either reason is fine. Go for it. I got my ADN 27 years ago and it has provided a great living. I started out with only a GED.

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Thank you 37changes for your insight. Thanks for questioning if either is wrong”. I know I need to be realistic, but it seems selfish of me if I'm pursuing nursing now because of money. Almost as if money goes beyond ‘caring for others'. Then again, it's a job.

I guess what I am worried about is family image. I understand this might not be common in America, but it's a huge deal for my family. It's the same reason why I am send to school in America rather staying in Indonesia. Because status wise you are ‘higher' if you can afford to study abroad. You are ‘better' if you graduated young and have a high paying, cool-sounding title in your career. That way others won't gossip badly about you or your family. Instead, right now, I am giving people good reason to gossip bad things about me and my family. At the end I'm just afraid of disappointing them.

Maybe I have to stop caring? I'm okay if they say bad things about me, but I don't want them to badmouth my family.

You are overly concerned with what other people think. I don't believe that has anything to do with your culture. You can't live your life in order to impress other people.

So what if it takes two years to get into a nursing program? Two years is going to pass whether you go to school or not. Where do you want to be in two years? Working on actually becoming a nurse, or talking about how you are 25 years old and still have no direction, with incessant worries that people are gossiping about you?

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Thank you Horseshoe for your suggestion which is like a slap to my face but a real eye opener :cat:

You are right, I am overly concerned. I've always been a people-pleaser and can't stand any type of drama or something that will upset others. Thank you for the bigger perspective.

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People-pleasing and not wanting to displease others is something you are going to have to work on no matter what you do in life, but it is especially important in nursing because many people you encounter will run all over you if you allow them. You don't want to sacrifice your mental and physical health trying to please others. Twenty-three is a good age to start to find your own path in life without undue influence to your detriment. You need to have your own trials and learn from your own attempts and mistakes. That way you can really enjoy success once you find what makes you happy.

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I agree with everything that has been said already. I understand that you come from a different culture but right now your main focus should be achieving your goals (whatever they may be), instead of what people are saying about you. I know that's sometimes easier said than done but it's definitely something to keep in mind. If it makes you feel any better, I will be 25 this year and am going to nursing school in the fall. The years are going to pass whether you want them to or not so you might as well spend them working towards a goal and dream. If your heart says that nursing is your path then go for it. You'll reach your goal eventually so you might as well start now.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.

There is nothing wrong with deciding to pursue a career with employment opportunities that are more likely more stable than the film industry. Here's a potentially crazy notion, why not get that nursing degree and look for employment as a nurse in the film industry? There are on set nurses for both film and TV productions as well as nurses that are hired as consultants to provide some measure of realism on screen for actors posing as medical staff and various on screen medical situations. Already having a degree in film could give you an edge there and you could potentially make good use of both degrees.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

American culture tends to be self-centered, but I can understand and admire your deep sense of responsibility to your family. Have you discussed your fears and hopes with your parents? I believe that you could defend your choice (to pursue nursing education) in terms of befitting your family. In the future, working as a nurse would probably provide more ability to support and enhance your family than other, more insecure jobs. As your parents age, you would also be able to provide expert support for their increasing health care needs.

I would also encourage you to assume financial responsibility for your nursing education because it's only fair... they have already paid for your original education pathway. If you can present the information in a logical and thoughtful way, their reaction may surprise you.

Wishing you the best of luck, no matter what you choose to do.

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HouTX, thank you for your tender words that brings comfort to me.

I've been so spoiled, I didn't even think of paying for my own tuition. Thank you for that idea. I've been a complete princess, but I think it'll be respectable if I can study while working at the same time.

I'm not the type of student who can take it easy and somehow scores well. I have to study like there is no tomorrow, and sacrifice sleep, in order to (hopefully) get a satisfying grade. Do you think it is feasable for me to study and work, while still getting good grades?

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