Do I have any options?

[LCinTraining]

I have a useless bachelors degree. In 15 years I have never found employment in my field and have had a string of fast food jobs to Help my husband sustain our family. I began the track towards nursing and got a job as a nurses assistant. I love my job. I got mono last semester (semester two of clinical for me in my ADN program) and was forced to take that semester off.

In that time, my husband left. And yes he pays court appointed child and spousal support, I am still running out of money every single paycheck. I only pay for essentials barring a Mc Donald's frozen coffee once or twice a week when I have to be up for 24 hours straight for work.

I just did the math. After rent, I have 200 dollars left. My childcare provider for clinical is 100 a week. That leaves nothing for groceries. I am facing the stark reality that after working toward this goal for ten years, stopping every time my husband pitched a fit, only to try and return later, that I may not be able to finish.

My job's education plan is 1k a year and the expectation you will sign on for 3 years each time they give it to you. They do not pay ahead. I would have to pay out of pocket and they would reimburse if my grades are fine.

I seriously contemplated a second job, but with my kids and their therapies (2 high functioning ASD) it would be a moot put because all study time would be gone.

I just don't know what to do.

I contemplated an online degree but hear so much negative about them, and I had to purchase a computer through my bookstore, just so I could use my financial aid as I had no money for the purchase. If I drop out this semester I am stuck paying the college back for the computer and not sure how that will affect my financial aid. I will obviously not have the funds to pay for it until I have my degree.

I just don't know what to do at this point and am pretty down and out and overwhelmed thinking about it all.

[THELIVINGWORST, ASN, RN]

What about friends?

[LCinTraining]

Ex is an hour and a half away and has offered to keep them while I finish school, but it is only to get out of paying child support I feel. Secondly, between school all week and working full time on the weekends, I would never get to see my children. There would be no opportunity. The mother in me cannot walk out of their lives for almost two years for the sake of a degree. On top of that, I would end up paying HIM support having them full time. I would lose the ability to pay my rent. I hate looking at it that way, but the child support literally pays my rent. I would end up homeless.

[LCinTraining]

Regarding friends...I moved here when he left to be closer to school. My friends are down here, but are all students. So, their time to help is as limited as mine. I have asked. There is no availability.

[Julesmama28]

Cut down on your work hours. As a single mom you have got to qualify for more than you think. Especially since your going to school and you have special needs kids! Don't quit! You'll regret it in two years when you're still struggling to make ends meet and you could have been finished. Good luck!!

[RN_Renee]

It is easy to become overwhelmed and especially so when our children have needs that require extra time and attention when we are worried about putting food on the table for them. You are working so hard to make a better life for your children and yourself despite the trials that you have been through. Your sense of frustration is coming through loud and clear, which is fine get it out and use it to power your progress. It won't be easy and in no way is it meant to sound like a discount to your situation or feelings, but do not let the situation and man that controlled your destiny this far continue to have control over your life. There is no shame in making use of the resources offered at food pantries. That's why they are there, and some day you will be in the position to give back to them. But for now, take the help they offer and you have one less thing to worry about. As a nursing student your time is at a premium, but check around with friends, your children's friends' parents, your children's teachers anybody that you would trust to help you find a barter relationship for childcare so that you can have time for clinical or studying. Also, perhaps you and your children can walk dogs and then use the funds to pay for childcare (children's ages unknown), or you could do laundry and mending from your home and then use the money for childcare. Perhaps your childcare provider would work out something with you to give you a tuition break, such as an afternoon cleaning the center on the weekend. These are just some ideas to start you thinking outside the box and realize that you have options that are only limited by the limits to your imagination. Most people are happy to help someone working so hard to build a better life for her family.

What are the benefits of staying in school and eating oatmeal for a semester or two? How much better off i one, three, five years will your family be is you all make this sacrifice now? Would you consider spending a few minutes making a pros and cons list for yourself about these things. What about investing a little time to make a POC for someone "in your situation"? As a nurse, if you had a patient/client on the other side of the stethoscope in your position how would you proceed to help her discover her possibilities and support her. Please consider carefully Griffin123's post because there is some very sound advice. Good luck!

[elprup, BSN, RN]

Try filling out a hardship form in your fin aide office. I know they said you do not qualify for anything else, but ask about a change in circumstance/hardship form. I am hoping it may help. My financial aide office never heard of it until I asked! Crazy but true.

Also, does your school have a program for single mothers? Mine was called EOPS. Mine helped me link up with other moms and programs.

[Sunnysleeper]

First of of all, DON'T give up on your future: the days of hardship now will be much outweighed by the years of having a good career to support you! And think of the example you are and will be setting for your kids!

I was no where near your situation, but before I quit my job and returned to school full time for nursing in 1988, I thought of all the ways I could earn money and even selling my blood was on my list. (don't know if that's still an option, or available where you live). Definitely, as another person said, think outside the box and don't be afraid or shy or embarrassed by getting the help you need.

I also applied for every scholarship I could find (researched in library before internet was even available!) and found that many business clubs etc. offered small scholarships (Business and Professional Women's clubs). Every $100 helped and some renewed each year. I also got a no-interest private loan from the Bill Raskob Foundation in Delaware for $2000/yr (remember, this was 1988 so amt avail. might be different now, if the Foundation is even still around). The application process was lengthy but made a huge difference for me, and it renewed each year.

Have you thought about getting a roommate who could barter rent for watching your kids? Perhaps another single mother? (if no room where you live, perhaps a move might make it possible) where you each pay half for move-in expenses. If she can't watch the kids, her share of rent would still help.

Do your kids qualify for any social security benefits? Doesn't hurt to call to ask.

I know you said you don't go to church, but perhaps you could try contacting some local churches to see if they can help in ANY way. Women's groups, etc. Do a mass mailing, offering to meet with their organization in person so they know you're legit. Include a photo of you with your kids, and even a copy of your transcript.

Are there any courses you can take online so you need less childcare for those class times?

Your husband is also the children's parent: why can't he take responsibility for some hours of child care, in person? You still qualify for child support since they're actually housed and fed and clothed by you.

Have you tried to find a job which DOES offer decent tuition reimbursement? The deal you have from your current employer is a joke; don't get tied up with them anymore!!

I also sold Christmas cards to local hotels (since I'd been in the hotel industry before I changed careers) who always send cards to present and potential clients. It didn't cost me anything but a little time and I made 50% commission on every sale (about $350 for an hour's work usually). In contacting them (by letter)(in Sept or Oct- no later preferably) I told them that I was putting myself through nursing school doing this and they were always very receptive to that: again, you could enclose your school transcript and family photo if you think that would be helpful. I don't remember the names of the 2 companies I worked with, but they had beautiful cards. I'll try to do a search and come back and tell you the names if I find them.

You're in a very rough spot, but keep at it: it's worth it and your kids are worth that future you'll be able to give them.

I

[Flatlander]

I didn't read the entire thread so if I repeat, please forgive. I have been almost where you are now, though not quite as dire. Your situation seems very complicated. If your college offers counseling, I urge you to make use of it. Also, any other sources of free financial advice and emotional support. Sources I've used: career counselors at community college (extremely supportive emotionally and with good advice); financial aid officers; food pantries; county social services; legal aid; Lutheran Social Services; other community financial free counseling (find directories at library or government offices.

I hear your attitude that you've tried it all and nothing's working. I've been there, too. Keep knocking on doors. One day the right one will open. Sometimes you need to step back and take a break from worry. We're here for you.

[bfree1001]

If your ex husband is offering to take them, atleast let him take them until you can get your financial situation handled. I have a four year old and I had to send her to my mom for five months because I had no support and needed to get some things in order. It sucked and I went through a slight depression, but I came out of it way more stable and able

To complete school now. You may not need him to keep them the whole two years. But I don't think you should quit. You can't have everything the way you want in hard times. But struggling alone is better than having your kids go through it if they don't have to. Maybe letting him keep them for a semester will give you enough time to apply to some of these programs previous poster have suggested. And by time the end of the semester rolls around you'll have your kids again and a solid path ahead.

[DSkelton711]

If your children are ADHD, ASD, or other then they may be eligible for social security benefit or other. As women we are strong and committed to keeping our families together. Check with the daycare to find out if you can get a discount for volunteering. Look into every program--help with rent, help with utilities, anything to help with expenses. I have sold many items to help get money towards food--can you have a sale or get rid of some jewelry? Don't give up is the main thing. I wish you for you better days and strength to make it through and hope something turns up soon!

[Fireman767]

you could always bring your ex back to court and claim hardship. the court will break down all expenses and costs and if they deem hardship you are able to move with the kids to another state or area, and the government may cover more costs as they can. really though, id suggest you apply to more jobs in your degree area to see what comes out.

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

I hate to encourage this, but you may need to take out private student loans to get you thru the gap in your income. Check out local credit unions to see if they could provide you with a reasonable private student loan. Many people take out enough student loans to pay for living expenses during the program. It is not the first or best choice but if that will allow you to finally complete the program and get a good paying job that is worth considering. Again check out credit unions and then local banks if need be.

Go to food banks to get extra food if necessary, that is what they are there for! What state do you live in? Many benefits are determined by what state you live in. In general benefits seem to be less in the south.

You may need to move to a cheaper apt or area of the city where benefits are more available and/or take in a roommate.

Sounds like you could use some counseling or a support group and usually there are free or low cost assistance available but you have to look for it. Also does your current employer offer an employee assistance program?

Like others have mentioned some churches can offer assistance, but you would have to search and call different churches.

Also consider going for an LPN first as that is usually a 1 year program then after you have a job you can go back and finish as an RN.

Since you have primary custody you could also consider moving back where your family is so they could give you financial support. You don't believe your ex will allow it, but you could always try and maybe even use that as leverage to get more support from him for the short time that you need to get a better job. You don't know if you don't try?

You are not alone in having a useless BA degree. There are many others like you that bought the lie that you should get a BA to get a good job. Frankly there are not enough good jobs out there. Most people then either go to grad school or a tech college to get job training to get a decent paying job. There are many other RN's out there that weren't able to get a decent job in their oringinal degree and then went back for RN.

I'm surprised you don't qualify for educational support being a single mom. Maybe the benefits are better where the rest of your family lives. Would it be possible to move and live with your parents while your in school?