I can't say that my clinical was the worst on Earth, but man, I was feeling pretty lousy.
When I went to the floor yesterday, after reviewing one of my patient's chart, I found out that it was a possibility that my patient may die, and hospice care was pending. I show up this morning, already feeling a little glum, only to find out that both my patient's were gone. I never had that happen to me in a yr of clinical, so it threw me for a loop. All that paperwork for nothing, but I tried to get over and move on. Then I find out that the patient pending hospice actually did die, with no family, and there was another patient in his room. Depressing. I'm trying to find some patient's that doesn't have the possibility of being discharged or dying, so I ask a nurse who basically put me in my place. Out of nowhere she called me out on not saying "Good Morning" to her after I had just previously saw her in the break room. OK, maybe I should have said "Good Morning", and I realize that, but she didn't say it to me either. There wasn't even eye contact; I was heading on my way out the door and her countenance wasn't very positive. Didn't know it would be such a big deal where you have to announce it loud enough for other people at the station to hear while flopping down a chart.
I attempt to find a new nurse to talk to, this time properly saying "Good Morning" (even saying it was a lie because it wasn't) and asking. I didn't know she was super busy from appearance, so she told me "Please, I have a critical patient right now and can't really answer questions." I understand her reasoning, so I decide to pick the patients on my own. I got them, found out who the nurse was, and told her what I was available to do. Of course I missed out on report during all the madness that was going on at the station and trying to find patients. She assertively said "Did you get report on the patients?" to which I answer "No" and she tells me, "Well, how are you going to care for them if you didn't get report?" Makes sense, but it was the way she said it. I did get a short report after that. Then it was work trying to find the PCA, who wasn't the most helpful either. I went ahead and did VS and my assessment. The patients were nice, it was just everyone else. I felt like a burden. Then I went in cried for a minute in the bathroom for whatever reason. Finally my instructor came around, after I lost my opportunity for giving meds, and asked how were things going. She could tell right away that I didn't look well and offered for me to go home (We get 1 day off). I never took an off day, but today I was just not mentally there. Usually, I try to troop it out, but I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day. It's like this dark cloud was following me and i was getting bad vibes from the place. It didn't help that patient's were dying left and right on the floor and the nurse's were basically crumpling their papers saying "This patient's dying. she's going to the morgue." I felt like s**t today, from out of nowhere! Has anyone else ever felt this way?
Sorry for the rant.