Awkward and Shy Student Nurse

[korsan]

This is my first year in nursing school and I already feel like I've made a fool of myself. The first few months of school were completely terrible (September 2013 - December 2013). It was so bad that I was thinking about dropping out. I was breaking down everyday at home and crying after classes in the washroom stall at school and it got so bad that I had to see a doctor who then prescribed me some antidepressants. I mean they helped for a bit but I just stopped taking them and seeing the doctor cause I just didn't want to think of myself as being depressed...I just really wanted to make friends but I guess I don't know how and seeing everyone already arrange themselves into groups of friends really got me scared and sad. I'm really introverted but I hate that I'm introverted. I started to sit in the front of the class in the first row alone with no one beside me and every time there was a group activity I would die a little in inside. I do understand that I really have horrible coping mechanisms though because I found everything so overwhelming the first 3 months of school and the worst part is everyone in all my classes have surely noticed as well...I mean I am a very shy and quiet person all the time and I think people have heard and seen me crying before which makes it worse. I tend to make very bad small talk (so I avoid small talk now) and I hide during breaks in random empty rooms and sit by myself (I know, weird right?). This one girl did approach me in september and started talking to me but then she made friends with another girl who didn't really click with me (the girl avoided talking with me but talks with practically everyone in my class), and now I've heard them talking poorly of me a few times about how weird and awkward I am. Now we don't really talk and theres always this weird tension between us cause I guess I got kind of unkind (unkind as in stopped talking to her, ignoring her) when she stopped sitting with me and when I overheard her and her friend talking about me...which makes me realize that I am really acting like an immature highschool student but idk it kinda stung when I heard her saying things about me. After this experience I don't know how to approach anyone in my class, I just feel intimidated by everyone in my class and they just seem like they aren't interested in talking to me at all because I've already made a fool of myself. These things have happened to me all throughout elementary, middle school and highschool and I feel like its all repeating again. I've tried to talk to people a few times but it always ends in an awkward short convo. Even though its February right now I feel like everyone in my class still thinks I'm weird. Some girl in my class had to sit beside me and the prof told us to work in pairs, and I heard her mumbling "oh my god not her" and then calling to her other friends to work with her . When we have to get into groups in class, people give me weird looks when I try to sit with them. Now everyone in my classes are practically friends with each other and those two girls are friends with a lot of other people in my classes as well and I've heard them talking about me to other people as well. For example on the bus to school, some of the girls in my class sit at the back and I've heard them saying things like " (my name) is weird" or "shes awkward" and "she doesn't talk." I just feel like I've really isolated myself from everyone and I don't know how to really connect with anyone in my class when everyone already has a bad first impression of me. I care because these are my colleagues and this is a profession where teamwork is everything. I am really bad with small talk and I get defensive easily and I guess I just have a bad overall self concept. I dont want my shyness to interfere with my ability to do the job. I want to try and build my self concept more because I realize that I should change the way I see myself in order to approach people differently to hopefully change their opinion about me. I just don't want to feel like reverting back to the the awkward, quiet, shy loner I was in highschool. I really want to change myself. I just don't know how to approach the girls in my class...I feel like I've come across as the cold hearted, shy, quiet loner.

I am sorry if I rambled a lot in this post, I feel so lost

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

If your advice is going to be harsh, can you try to make it constructive as well?

Thank you!

[nonnocere1988]

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4810794

[MeganFullerton]

Your post really reminded me of myself! I started in nursing school being extremely shy and awkward, I even had a hard time asking patients when their last BM was because I felt so awkward asking someone that. I had so many melt downs I cant even begin to count them. But honestly the most important thing you need to do to overcome this is to keep going. I was such an introvert and still am to this day, but I have come such a long way from where I was. I had a great support system from family that knew I had the heart and soul to be a nurse, I just needed to get past my insecurities. It's a crazy new world when you come out of highschool and go straight into nursing school. It's intimidating, stressful, and unlike anything you've ever done in your life. But it is worth it. I am currently in my last semester of nursing and 8 weeks away from graduation. I can still be quiet at times, and that is okay. I am not good at small talk. I prefer only to speak if I have something meaningful to say. I to speak up when things are wrong or when I need information or need to advocate for my patient. I have come to love my personality, and i think my kind heart and meaningful sincere words will make me a great nurse. This has been such a journey and transformation for me, and I am so glad I stuck with it. You just have to push yourself to do things you've never done and come out of your shell. I really do understand where you are coming from and I wish you the best of luck! Don't give up:)

[love'lee]

Learn how to be your own best friend! Friends are great but not a necessity. I dont think you need a psychiatrist I just think you need to gain more self worth. When you stop caring so much about what people think about you everything else will fall into place. Also, every where you go, no matter how good or bad you are doing, sombody will allways find something negative to say about you. Dont let how the next person feels about you affect how you feel about yourself. So what your quiet and dont talk? Who cares if you are bad at small talk? Just be yourself and the rest will fall into place! Nursing school is not about making friends but if you want to make friends then be a friend (not to those girls who were talking about you behind your back). Just keep doing you, be cordial to those who you dont like when you have to work in groups, and focus on your school work. I know it must hurt to feel like you have no friends and people dont like you but remember people come and go and nothing bad lasts forever.. :) :) Chin up!! Hope this helps!!

...now if your grades start slipping THEN you need to worry!!:):)

[LoriRNCM, ADN, ASN, RN]

You should go see a psychiatrist. You might just not be suited for being a nurse. :\

That was mean and ridiculous. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope you aren't nurse because you certainly sorely lack compassion.

OP, that is a terrible way to feel. I am kind of middle of the road as far as shyness and introvertedness, but I say, put yourself out there, there will be painful rejections but someone will recognize that you are making an effort to be more sociable and if I were in your class, I would surely go out of my way to make sure you were included. Hang in there. You can do anything for a couple years and then you'll look back and be glad you stuck it out.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Another really good TED talk is about introverts. You'll love it. That woman is me. No, I am not actually Susan Cain, but she is describing me, right down to the books at summer camp. :)

[jcol1460]

first off, warning, this will be a long response.

background for me, i'm a psychotherapist, pre-nursing student, and introverted myself. i'll give you my insight both professionally and personally.

professionally speaking:

if medications were helping, please continue to use them. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist rather than your primary care if this is an option for you. a psychiatrist is a specialist in mental health and therefore has knowledge about what's new and trending as far as medication management goes. also, get a psychiatric assessment to make sure you don't have something major that will require life long medication management to maintain stability. there are few diagnosis that require this as most depression/anxiety issues are situational in nature and medications are there to assist the treatment not be the main source of treatment.

on the topic of medication management, be prepared to do a some experimenting with your psychiatrist to find the right combination that works best for you. medication is there to assist the therapeutic process. its primary purpose when treating situational depression/anxiety is to allow the client to get to a point where their mood and anxiety levels are managed enough to do the therapeutic work required. the combination of meds and therapy is recommended as this is how to effect change in your life. once you've done the work (and there is work involved) you can make a team decision (you, your psychiatrist, and your therapist) on the best way and time frame to get off the meds.

DO NOT go off your medications on your own. not only are there potential health issues (i.e. seizure potential with rapid benzodiazepine stoppage) the potential for rebound effects is high. the rebound effect means that your depression/anxiety actually gets worse initially and could set you back considerably in the progress you made.

just like the meds, you may have to try a few therapists before you find the right fit as well. the way I explain it is, finding a therapist is like finding the right pair of jeans. you'll probably have to try a few pairs on before you find the 'right' fit. check into the community mental health centers in your area, they may be a one stop shop with both therapy and psychiatric services available. remember that therapists are usually social workers, mental health counselors, or marriage and family therapists. psychiatrist are not therapist and you'd be lucky to have more than 15 minutes with one after your initial assessment; most psychologists are not practicing in a clinical setting, rather they mostly do testing.

be an informed consumer on your medications. if you have a history of addiction either with yourself or in your immediate family, there are certain meds you'll want to save as a last resort (benzodiazepines, some antidepressants) as they have high abuse/addiction potential. know your meds and side effects. keep a journal outlining the way you feel that day (a 1-10 scale is best measuring mood/anxiety levels) and what went on that day to effect that mood for you. this will be a helpful tool for you, your psychiatrist, and therapist. remember, most medications need 6-8 weeks to be at therapeutic levels in your system, so give it time before you switch something (unless you're experiencing severe side effects).

personally:

as an introvert and the 'weird' kid myself growing up, I know your pain. how I coped was by being more friendly with people older than myself. I also would have 1 really good friend that was more extroverted and by modeling them and letting them initiate interaction in social situations with others, I became more comfortable myself. my ability to function socially got better with age and self confidence in my skills professionally. when i'm at work, I am more extroverted. if you ask my clients and coworkers if i'm shy, they would say no; but if you asked the people in my social circle, they would say yes. I put on my 'mask' every day at work. if you work, that may be a good way to practice your social skills. also, join a club or group at your school or in the community which interests you, that way you are surrounded by people with similar interests. or talk to your advisor and see if there is a student mentoring program where they match you up with someone ahead of you in the program to guide you. above all, you just have to put yourself out there and be willing to try again if your efforts don't work to your expectations and embrace your uniqueness. there is only one person just like you. a quote I love and for the life of me can't remember who said it initially "what you think of me is none of my business", this is a great attitude to have towards those who are less than nice. keep trying, it gets easier I promise. :)

good luck, keep your head up, and keep reaching out. you'll find your place in the world soon enough. don't force your chrysalis to evolve before it's time.

[ArrowRN, BSN, RN]

I can't believe how kind everyone has been here. I've cried a few times reading over some of the comments (I am slightly crying now), you guys are really so kind! I am happy that I posted this comment since I was expecting a lot of people to tell me that maybe this wasn't the job for me...I was pretty shocked that so many people expressed such words full of kindness and support. I remember when I had to choose a college/uni program in senior year, I chose nursing and thought "I'm not that great with talking but I'll learn how to communicate better",but I guess I never thought about how difficult it would be for me until this year. It comes so naturally to some people and sometimes I feel like I would never be able to get to that level.

As for the antidepressants, I think I will go back to the doctor, I just haven't decided when yet...I kinda just stopped answering their calls and showing up to appointments. I'm not sure how the doctor will feel about me randomly coming back because I'm kinda anxious about how the doctor will think of me (I get anxious of everything). However when I was with the doctor, they did offer me a spot to get into free counselling rather then just taking the medication alone but during this time I did feel a little pathetic, embarrassed and thought that I would never change as a person even if I got all the help I needed, hence why I stopped going. I am considering going back and getting help again

As for school...I still get very nervous and sad easily. However I have started asking some questions and talking more to one of my profs (just a few general questions during lab here and there) because she just comes off as such a nice and non-judgemental nurse, something that I want to emulate and come across as. All in all I feel the most comfortable in that class but I keep to myself most of the time in the other classes and don't really talk unless I'm talked too...

I also start my placement really soon! Maybe then I will start to talk and interact a little more with some of my classmates.

I know I'm not the best with people but when I had to choose a program all I thought about was having a very meaningful job and nursing is definitely meaningful

You guys are really supportive, and I thank you for your kind words.

Hello and welcome to allnurses. I'm also one of the many quiet, introverts on here trying to be a nurse. Most I can say is be comfortable and confident with who you are. It takes me really long to make friends in school and that's ok. What might be easy small talk is keeping things school related at first. Just ask simple things about a class lecture or about a test, it does not have to be a long conversation either because I hate small talk myself. Someone will warm up to you eventually.

If you think it is something more then definitely get the help you need. This forum has been a great support for me over the years I've been on here. It's great that you posted to let your feelings be known and get the support you need.