This is my first year in nursing school and I already feel like I've made a fool of myself. The first few months of school were completely terrible (September 2013 - December 2013). It was so bad that I was thinking about dropping out. I was breaking down everyday at home and crying after classes in the washroom stall at school and it got so bad that I had to see a doctor who then prescribed me some antidepressants. I mean they helped for a bit but I just stopped taking them and seeing the doctor cause I just didn't want to think of myself as being depressed...I just really wanted to make friends but I guess I don't know how and seeing everyone already arrange themselves into groups of friends really got me scared and sad. I'm really introverted but I hate that I'm introverted. I started to sit in the front of the class in the first row alone with no one beside me and every time there was a group activity I would die a little in inside. I do understand that I really have horrible coping mechanisms though because I found everything so overwhelming the first 3 months of school and the worst part is everyone in all my classes have surely noticed as well...I mean I am a very shy and quiet person all the time and I think people have heard and seen me crying before which makes it worse. I tend to make very bad small talk (so I avoid small talk now) and I hide during breaks in random empty rooms and sit by myself (I know, weird right?). This one girl did approach me in september and started talking to me but then she made friends with another girl who didn't really click with me (the girl avoided talking with me but talks with practically everyone in my class), and now I've heard them talking poorly of me a few times about how weird and awkward I am. Now we don't really talk and theres always this weird tension between us cause I guess I got kind of unkind (unkind as in stopped talking to her, ignoring her) when she stopped sitting with me and when I overheard her and her friend talking about me...which makes me realize that I am really acting like an immature highschool student but idk it kinda stung when I heard her saying things about me. After this experience I don't know how to approach anyone in my class, I just feel intimidated by everyone in my class and they just seem like they aren't interested in talking to me at all because I've already made a fool of myself. These things have happened to me all throughout elementary, middle school and highschool and I feel like its all repeating again. I've tried to talk to people a few times but it always ends in an awkward short convo. Even though its February right now I feel like everyone in my class still thinks I'm weird. Some girl in my class had to sit beside me and the prof told us to work in pairs, and I heard her mumbling "oh my god not her" and then calling to her other friends to work with her . When we have to get into groups in class, people give me weird looks when I try to sit with them. Now everyone in my classes are practically friends with each other and those two girls are friends with a lot of other people in my classes as well and I've heard them talking about me to other people as well. For example on the bus to school, some of the girls in my class sit at the back and I've heard them saying things like " (my name) is weird" or "shes awkward" and "she doesn't talk." I just feel like I've really isolated myself from everyone and I don't know how to really connect with anyone in my class when everyone already has a bad first impression of me. I care because these are my colleagues and this is a profession where teamwork is everything. I am really bad with small talk and I get defensive easily and I guess I just have a bad overall self concept. I dont want my shyness to interfere with my ability to do the job. I want to try and build my self concept more because I realize that I should change the way I see myself in order to approach people differently to hopefully change their opinion about me. I just don't want to feel like reverting back to the the awkward, quiet, shy loner I was in highschool. I really want to change myself. I just don't know how to approach the girls in my class...I feel like I've come across as the cold hearted, shy, quiet loner.
I am sorry if I rambled a lot in this post, I feel so lost
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
If your advice is going to be harsh, can you try to make it constructive as well?
Stereotyping. You probably look like someone who should be outgoing, talkative and since you are the complete opposite your peers have branded you as weird. I've witnessed students in nursing school/work who rarely speak or interact much with others, but because they have a mousy/nerdy appearance they go unscathed. No one bothers or pressures them to be this social butterfly. It's unfair but that's how life is
Stereotyping. You probably look like someone who should be outgoing, talkative and since you are the complete opposite your peers have branded you as weird. I've witnessed students in nursing school/work who rarely speak or interact much with others, but because they have a mousy/nerdy appearance they go unscathed. No one bothers or pressures them to be this social butterfly. It's unfair but that's how life is
What exactly does a talkative outgoing person "look" like? Why are all quiet people mousy and nerdy?
I think what you are alluding to to is the unfair judgement that outgoing is positive and introversion is negative. There is a misperception that social people are more desirable. That they are more successful, because they are more noticeable. That the spoils and opportunities and consequences fall to those who put themselves out front. This is probably true for stock brokers and politicians, but we are talking about nursing. There is room for all types. One person's weakness in a certain situation can be a strength in others.
You are not alone. I'm in my second semester of nursing school at the moment and I have yet to make any friends. I don't really talk a lot to other students. If nursing is your passion you can get through it. It would be a good idea to go back and see your doctor and to look into counseling because it seems like this is really effecting your quality of life. Somethings that helped me work through my anxiety a bit are just asking the other students questions and not looking like I am in a bad mood (smiling). I am good at talking to my patients, just not the other students. I have to tell myself that this too shall pass and their opinions of me do not matter as much as my goal of being a nurse. I push myself to thrive at communicating with my instructors and knowing my material. I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope that things start looking up for you. I know what it is like to cry at school . I really do believe that getting on medication and/or counseling would benefit you a lot. I got on an antidepressant and I'm steadily getting better at communicating.
Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain so you should continue taking your meds! I have a hard time communicating with others sometimes and it doesn't come natural to everyone! I agree with what most people said like seeing a counselor and talking to your instructors. Maybe it will get better when you have clinical with your classmates. It helped me to get to know everyone and I've learned how helpful and nice everyone is! I know saying this probably isn't going to help because you probably already know but you have to get out of your comfort zone. Nothing will change if you keep doing what you've been doing since elementary, middle, and high school.
I say this as a quiet person. Most of my growing up years and even into my twenties were spent being super quiet and socially anxious. Not all the time, but enough. To top it off I wasn't bad looking way back then, so a lot of the time people thought I was just a snob who thought she was too good for everyone. It made it very difficult in new situations, new jobs, new schools, first dates, interviews, etc. I share that because your words have taken me back to the pain that was so long ago, but still with me in that I can still recall that I never thought things could be any different. BUT, THEY DID GET BETTER. But, don't do what I did and work through it alone. There are people who can help you to come out of this and make things easier or at least tolerable so that it's not such a struggle and so that you can accomplish everything you want to do. So, listen to the posts above (except for any not nice ones) and see someone who can help you. There's nothing wrong with being quiet, but you will be happier if you can function better. Great nurses come in all shapes in sizes, you just need to be able to get there.
Have you ever seen the TED Talk called "Power Poses" given by Amy Cuddy? She's a social scientist who's done research in the area of nonverbal communication (e.g. Body language) and the physiology behind it. It's really interesting and applicable to your situation. While I don't claim that smiling and "faking it" until you make it will work for you, I do think that watching something like this might give you a little more hope at a time like this. It'll get better!
Please see your physician again and try medication again. Perhaps a different type. I've been on antidepressants for over 10 years and I've been in therapy off and on for those past 10 years. It's now at a point where I can manage my depression as physical condition; the emotions of it are separate. My body is sad. But I am not. I know it's hard to stick with things when you feel hopeless but if you can push through you'll see it's worth it. It takes some time to find the right dose or maybe just the right therapist but it's so so so worth it. Life is good, but it's impossible to see that when you're depressed.
And give your faculty a try. Is there anyone who seems worth reaching out to? I know not all teachers are warm/open but the majority are and I've found that opening up to someone on staff and letting them know how important this program is to you but also how much you're struggling can be a big help.
Honestly, I would not worry about making friends with these people. You are there for one thing to get your degree and become a nurse. I am an extremely extroverted person and yet I struggle with some of the people at my school. I generally make friends anywhere I go, yet there are a group of women at my school who have just plain shut me out. And that's ok with me. Not everyone is going to like me and I am not going to like everybody. I recognize that and I don't let it bother me.
What you need to do is not make nursing school your life and think your friends need to come from there. I'm assuming you are young, and you should be having the time of your life right now. Do you have any outside interests? Like working out at a gym or maybe take a martial arts class or something. I always walk around with a smile on my face and I smile at other people a lot. That often gets conversations started with other people for me. You may find you have common interests with them. Don't focus so much on small talk. Just let the conversation flow and people will see what kind of person you are on the inside.
I also strongly urge you to go back on your meds. I have severe depression. It was unbearable at times and now if I miss a dose I can tell. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. I equate it with my epilepsy. Something in the brain is not working right and you need meds to fix it. Going off of them was not a good idea. It may make you more depressed than you were before because your brain is not getting the correct neurotransmitter. Hopefully you can get to feeling better about yourself then get out there and make some friends.
When you graduate and start practicing as a nurse, you will find that your interactions with your patients and with your co-workers will bear little resemblance to your current interactions with your classmates. Two different worlds.
Don't quit on being a nurse just because you're having a hard time fitting in with your class. To put it bluntly, who cares about them? All you need to worry about is finishing school and getting your license.
If you need medication and/or therapy to help you with your social anxiety, well so be it. You wouldn't be the first professional nurse doing so and you won't be the last. I saw nothing in your post to indicate that you should drop out of school. Good luck in any event.
I can't believe how kind everyone has been here. I've cried a few times reading over some of the comments (I am slightly crying now), you guys are really so kind! I am happy that I posted this comment since I was expecting a lot of people to tell me that maybe this wasn't the job for me...I was pretty shocked that so many people expressed such words full of kindness and support. I remember when I had to choose a college/uni program in senior year, I chose nursing and thought "I'm not that great with talking but I'll learn how to communicate better",but I guess I never thought about how difficult it would be for me until this year. It comes so naturally to some people and sometimes I feel like I would never be able to get to that level.
As for the antidepressants, I think I will go back to the doctor, I just haven't decided when yet...I kinda just stopped answering their calls and showing up to appointments. I'm not sure how the doctor will feel about me randomly coming back because I'm kinda anxious about how the doctor will think of me (I get anxious of everything). However when I was with the doctor, they did offer me a spot to get into free counselling rather then just taking the medication alone but during this time I did feel a little pathetic, embarrassed and thought that I would never change as a person even if I got all the help I needed, hence why I stopped going. I am considering going back and getting help again
As for school...I still get very nervous and sad easily. However I have started asking some questions and talking more to one of my profs (just a few general questions during lab here and there) because she just comes off as such a nice and non-judgemental nurse, something that I want to emulate and come across as. All in all I feel the most comfortable in that class but I keep to myself most of the time in the other classes and don't really talk unless I'm talked too...
I also start my placement really soon! Maybe then I will start to talk and interact a little more with some of my classmates.
I know I'm not the best with people but when I had to choose a program all I thought about was having a very meaningful job and nursing is definitely meaningful
You guys are really supportive, and I thank you for your kind words.
First, I'm sending you a big digital hug, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I too am a quiet, introverted, odd, sometimes socially awkward person. I hate group assignments, I loathe small talk and can't stand cliques. I also don't see this as a problem anymore. (Though I used to) I have an introverted personality, know who else was an introvert? Einstein, Proust and Rosa Parks. And they changed the world. I eventually learned to think about my personality type not as an incurable disease with which I had been saddled, but a changeable condition of life. Check out a book called Quiet by Susan Cain. (If you have a bit of time to read something that isn't a textbook:)
I will definitely check out the book! Thank you for the kind words! I will try to do my best to change how I view my depression and my personality. I am sending you an even bigger hug now!
Second, I was exactly like you in high school and most of college for my non-nursing degree. I could never figure out where my puzzle piece fit in with everyone else's, you know what I mean?I know that feeling where you have to pair up and you don't know where to look next, so you just end up doing it yourself. Classes where you have permanent lab groups will be easier, then you can get to know more people over a long period of time. I know how it feels to be the outlier in a room full of established groups of friends. However I can promise you that there are others who feel the same way you do. If you're sitting by yourself, why not just sit somewhere else? If people give you weird looks for trying to join their group...well, that's pretty obnoxious on their part. Some people are just solid jerks. What social faux pas did you commit by trying to do the assigned work? Exactly. Try somebody else's group. Close the physical distance you put between yourself and others.
Third, you need to do what I did and build some social skills. Social skills are skills like any others--drawing, cooking, studying, woodcutting....they take practice and years to build up. Unfortunately for shy people like us, they seem to be harder to improve. Steep learning curve, but that's OK. Have you considered volunteering or a part time job? You'd be surprised how much easier it becomes to talk to others when your job puts you in front of them. I think when you start talking to others, it will alleviate your depression. Every person has a need to talk and bond with others, even the most introverted or shy person.
Everyone has struggles in college. Even the most confident looking people. Maybe they're not struggling socially, but maybe academically or personally. Going to college is a huge life change, which is tough for many. After years of feeling like a sore thumb on everyone's hand, I became more confident in myself and can even start up conversations on my own now. It might have to do with age--the older I got, the more self assured I was. Regardless, it was a long journey but I am happier than I've ever been. You can get through this, I know it.
Thank you for your comment. I can really relate to your words. I guess I do get a little too down when I am not accepted by a small group even when there is a room full of other students who I could talk. I will try to slowly talk to more people and maybe sit in random different areas in the class whenever I am late. You have really come so far, and it makes me happy to know that even though it was a struggle for you, you made it out and are so happy!! Thank you so much!! This gives me hope!
. When we have to get into groups in class, people give me weird looks when I try to sit with them. Now everyone in my classes are practically friends with each other and those two girls are friends with a lot of other people in my classes as well and I've heard them talking about me to other people as well. For example on the bus to school, some of the girls in my class sit at the back and I've heard them saying things like " (my name) is weird" or "shes awkward" and "she doesn't talk." I just feel like I've really isolated myself from everyone and I don't know how to really connect with anyone in my class when everyone already has a bad first impression of me. I care because these are my colleagues and this is a profession where teamwork is everything. I am really bad with small talk and I get defensive easily and I guess I just have a bad overall self concept. I dont want my shyness to interfere with my ability to do the job. I want to try and build my self concept more because I realize that I should change the way I see myself in order to approach people differently to hopefully change their opinion about me. I just don't want to feel like reverting back to the the awkward, quiet, shy loner I was in highschool. I really want to change myself. I just don't know how to approach the girls in my class...I feel like I've come across as the cold hearted, shy, quiet loner. 
EmilyEmily
141 Posts
Stereotyping. You probably look like someone who should be outgoing, talkative and since you are the complete opposite your peers have branded you as weird. I've witnessed students in nursing school/work who rarely speak or interact much with others, but because they have a mousy/nerdy appearance they go unscathed. No one bothers or pressures them to be this social butterfly. It's unfair but that's how life is