Awkward and Shy Student Nurse

Kuriin, BSN, RN · Feb 23, 2014

You should go see a psychiatrist. You might just not be suited for being a nurse. :\

Retired APRN, MSN, RN, APRN · Feb 23, 2014

I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

You might want to talk to your instructors and ask for their help in terms of the small group work, and I strongly encourage you to see someone at student health services or your family doctor about the possibility of being depressed. Depression is an illness, not a moral weakness, and can be treated. Many, many nurses have been treated for depression and continued to succeed in the profession.

Please try to avoid beating yourself up. You've made a great start by posting here. Keep up the good work! :up:

lmrn13 · Feb 23, 2014

Nursing school is a very stressful time, I think it tends to exacerbate any underlying problems you may have going on. I don't say it as a bad thing, however I knew of a girl who actually had a breakdown during nursing school and had to leave for the rest of the semester. It's good that you realize now that you need to make a change and I think you should talk to someone. You made a good first step by seeing your doctor, however the fact that he diagnosed you with depression is nothing to be ashamed of. Like someone else said, it is manageable and you can still be successful despite it.

That being said, I don't think they should just give you medication and send you along. Your inner mentality is probably projecting externally, as in you come off as depressed and miserable and it probably makes you seem unapproachable. You should really try and talk to someone, I'm sure you have many great qualities but maybe your low self-esteem is getting in the way of making friends. I only graduated last May but I know nursing is about teamwork, and you need people to have your back. It's good that you have a chance to work on this now, I know I came out of my shell a lot during nursing school as well. Also, I just want to say that I'm sure right now it feels hopeless.... But it's not!! Don't think that because people have a bad first impression that you can't overcome that. You just need to address this now before it becomes more serious. Nursing school is hard enough without having all these other pressures and stress. I think a good start is to maybe write down 10 reasons why someone would be lucky to have you as a friend? I know it sounds corny but maybe it will help you focus on more positive aspects of yourself, rather that just how "quiet" and "awkward" you think you are. Also... Just talk to people!!! It doesn't have to be much.... Hey how was your weekend?? Hey can I ask you a question about my care plan?? Keep it short at first so it doesn't get to a point of awkward silence, but I think that will raise your confidence, as well as show people you can be personable. Good luck and let us know how it goes :)

AspiringToRN2 · Feb 23, 2014

Sorry that you're having a difficult time.

I was prescribed antidepressants in my early thirties. They worked but I stopped taking them thinking I could pull myself out of the deep, dark hole I was in. I went into seclusion and I got even worse. My children and husband suffered - not to mention my other relationships.

I'm happily on my meds again. I've embraced them and I don't want to come off them ever again. Looking back, I caused myself and my loved ones unnecessary pain. I've been seeing a psychotherapist and she's helped me with coping skills. I've challenged myself to come out of my comfort zone and stretch myself occasionally. I'm not Miss Congeniality but I can cope with meeting new people and I actively participate in my Ministry lectures.

Please get help. Nobody should feel so bad about anything. Maybe once you have worked out how to properly cope in stressful situations, you may not need to take your meds anymore.

Sumomo · Feb 23, 2014

First, I think you should go back and see your doctor and get back on the meds. Depression is something you cannot personally control, like any other disease. You don't choose to feel depressed. And who's even going to know you're on meds at all? I think more people take them than you'd think! Plus your doc can provide you with more counseling and advice than I ever could be able to.

Second, I was exactly like you in high school and most of college for my non-nursing degree. I could never figure out where my puzzle piece fit in with everyone else's, you know what I mean? I know that feeling where you have to pair up and you don't know where to look next, so you just end up doing it yourself. Classes where you have permanent lab groups will be easier, then you can get to know more people over a long period of time. I know how it feels to be the outlier in a room full of established groups of friends. However I can promise you that there are others who feel the same way you do. If you're sitting by yourself, why not just sit somewhere else? If people give you weird looks for trying to join their group...well, that's pretty obnoxious on their part. Some people are just solid jerks. What social faux pas did you commit by trying to do the assigned work? Exactly. Try somebody else's group. Close the physical distance you put between yourself and others.

Third, you need to do what I did and build some social skills. Social skills are skills like any others--drawing, cooking, studying, woodcutting....they take practice and years to build up. Unfortunately for shy people like us, they seem to be harder to improve. Steep learning curve, but that's OK. Have you considered volunteering or a part time job? You'd be surprised how much easier it becomes to talk to others when your job puts you in front of them. I think when you start talking to others, it will alleviate your depression. Every person has a need to talk and bond with others, even the most introverted or shy person.

Everyone has struggles in college. Even the most confident looking people. Maybe they're not struggling socially, but maybe academically or personally. Going to college is a huge life change, which is tough for many. After years of feeling like a sore thumb on everyone's hand, I became more confident in myself and can even start up conversations on my own now. It might have to do with age--the older I got, the more self assured I was. Regardless, it was a long journey but I am happier than I've ever been. You can get through this, I know it.

tokebi · Feb 23, 2014

You might just not be suited for being a nurse. :\

Wrong.

Please think twice before posting such definitive claim to someone you don't even know. She may desperately need to develop social skills but that has nothing to do with whether or not she is suited for being a nurse.

That being said, I don't think they should just give you medication and send you along. Your inner mentality is probably projecting externally, as in you come off as depressed and miserable and it probably makes you seem unapproachable. You should really try and talk to someone, I'm sure you have many great qualities but maybe your low self-esteem is getting in the way of making friends. I only graduated last May but I know nursing is about teamwork, and you need people to have your back. It's good that you have a chance to work on this now, I know I came out of my shell a lot during nursing school as well. Also, I just want to say that I'm sure right now it feels hopeless.... But it's not!! Don't think that because people have a bad first impression that you can't overcome that. You just need to address this now before it becomes more serious. Nursing school is hard enough without having all these other pressures and stress. I think a good start is to maybe write down 10 reasons why someone would be lucky to have you as a friend? I know it sounds corny but maybe it will help you focus on more positive aspects of yourself, rather that just how "quiet" and "awkward" you think you are. Also... Just talk to people!!! It doesn't have to be much.... Hey how was your weekend?? Hey can I ask you a question about my care plan?? Keep it short at first so it doesn't get to a point of awkward silence, but I think that will raise your confidence, as well as show people you can be personable. Good luck and let us know how it goes :)

^This. I couldn't have said it better. I had typed a long post and deleted it after seeing your post. This was exactly what I wanted to say.

Impression matters a lot. Having a gentle smile on your face and greeting people, that simple gesture will change people's perception of you tremendously. In order to project a genuine, inviting smile, however, you need the self-assurance and inner happiness. It's hard to do all by yourself. Seek out help. Reach out to people you feel comfortable with. But most of all, seek out professional help.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Feb 23, 2014

There are many, many threads in AN from students who were just like you-- young, awkward, weird, and painfully, painfully shy, and hadn't yet learned the skills they need to blossom. You are totally not alone.

Your classmates don't know how to be more therapeutic for someone like you because they are beginners in the profession, so do not look to them for help, support, or validation. Go to the people who can help you-- a physician, psychiatrist, psychologist, or some combination. If your primary care cannot refer you, go to your student health center and get a referral from them. They have seen it all before and can help you.

You have done the right thing by starting to look for help, and getting started is the hardest part. It will get better.Stay in touch and let us know how it's going. We do care. {{{korsan}}} (this means, "hugs!")

tokebi · Feb 23, 2014

You'd be surprised how much easier it becomes to talk to others when your job puts you in front of them. I think when you start talking to others, it will alleviate your depression. Every person has a need to talk and bond with others, even the most introverted or shy person.

I wholeheartedly agree. The turning point for me was a forced group-living (=military). Talking to people became so much easier after that experience. It really is easier to talk to people in a controlled setting where you must talk, but with a certain script, as in a customer service job, than talking to people in a voluntary setting like a classroom. It will help provide a practicing ground as well as build more confidence.

nonnocere1988 · Feb 24, 2014

You need to recognize your worth as a nurse is most importantly through the eyes of the patient, not some shlub who talks smack about you in class. Don't give up because some people are catty and self- righteous. If you're in nursing for the right reasons, you're a ROCKSTAR and you must keep trucking. Best of luck. Don't let the haters get to you, kid!

saraCOS · Feb 24, 2014

First, I'm sending you a big digital hug, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I too am a quiet, introverted, odd, sometimes socially awkward person. I hate group assignments, I loathe small talk and can't stand cliques. I also don't see this as a problem anymore. (Though I used to) I have an introverted personality, know who else was an introvert? Einstein, Proust and Rosa Parks. And they changed the world. I eventually learned to think about my personality type not as an incurable disease with which I had been saddled, but a changeable condition of life. Check out a book called Quiet by Susan Cain. (If you have a bit of time to read something that isn't a textbook:) It's not self-help, more pop science.

As for right now, it sounds like you are an introverted person struggling with depression and anxiety. This hits everyone at some point, so I don't want you to feel alone. I'm saddened that addressing your depression with your PCP made you feel labeled. If you think the meds were helping, you might consider restarting them, but think of it as treatment for a common condition, because it is. I also wonder in meds alone are the solution. Do you have access to any kind of counseling? Most colleges have either a counseling office that is free to students or a peer support system, or both. I found counseling, even for a brief time, to be immensely helpful when the stress started making me turn inward.

I hope some of this helps. You have quite a bit of good advice in the rest of this thread too. Hang in there!

saraCOS · Feb 24, 2014

You should go see a psychiatrist. You might just not be suited for being a nurse. :\

I thought compassion was one of those core nursing traits...