I would appreciate anyone's advice. I am driving myself crazy and getting major anxiety over this. I don't know where else to ask because my family and friends do not get it. They all think nursing "couldn't be that hard". I don't think anyone truly understand still they experience it.
Anyhow, here is my story. I originally wanted wanted to go from CNA to LPN to RN. I worked 2 years in an LTC, then quit and went to a med-surg floor at a hospital and I have been there close to 2 years as well. I have learned A LOT as an nursing assistant. I am a very hands on learner.
The college I attended changed their whole program right before I started clinicals. You either go for an LPN or RN. You cannot go so far and then test out for an LPN. Its one or the other. I had a 4.0 and was one of the ones selected to the RN program if I wanted. Our hospital does not hire LPNs anymore so everyone suggested I go the RN route. It made sense so I did it that way. Now I regret it.
First semester I got all A's. Second semester I failed. I got an 81.6 and needed an 82%, so I was close. I repeated second and passed with high A's. I am in third semester now. I am barely passing. I'm getting an 83% right now and still have 2 tests left. I think I will be okay and plan to work my butt off to pass. Really though it could go either way. We start off with 60 students each semester and generally only 10 or less pass. Its a very rough program. Our Nclex rates are one of the highest in the state at 99%.
I just feel as though I haven't learned anything in school. Sure for the most part I am pretty good at picking the "best" answer out of 4 choices, but in real life its not going to be like that. I do my best to try to apply things I've learned in school to things I see at work on my floor, but I it only helps so much since I am in a CNA role. I learn sooooo much more from seeing and doing. I honestly think if I could just do clincals instead of chapter after chapter of book reading I'd be getting great grades and feel more confident. But that's just how I learn and I realize the school isn't set up that way.
I have 2 semesters to complete to become a RN (plus the nclex obviously). If I change to the LPN I have 1 more semester. I am just scared to death of the responsibility RNs have. I know LPNs still hold a great deal of responsibility but I couldn't imagine being a new grad right out of school and having the responsibility of an RN. I feel like I got myself in a mess. I am 33 years old and feel like I am intelligent person, but I made a mistake. I look around some of my young classmates who are 19-20 or round about there who have never had any healthcare experience and say how easy nursing is. Maybe for them it truly is easy and this is what they were meant to do, or maybe they don't yet have a clue. I don't know. When I hear comments like this I just think "How can being responsible for someone's live be easy". Then my anxiety shoots way up and I think maybe I am just not getting the material like they are.
My dilemma is my work has paid for me to go to school so I owe them a few years work as at least a part time employee (2 days a week minimum). I do love working there and want to eventually become an RN there. They have told me that they would only hire me if I was working on a BSN. I do have all of my BSN generals completed except for two classes.
Anyhow back to the point of my story. I feel like If I become an LPN for a while I think it will benefit me. But I will have to work 2 jobs cause I have to keep my hospital job. I know LPNs make less and work at LTCs and similar places. Am I totally crazy for doing this? My family and friends seem to think so. I just want to be a good nurse. I don't care about the money. Nurses don't get paid enough anyhow, so the money isn't an issue. I just don't want to be bad nurse. I think maybe a year or two working as LPN may better in the long run for me then move up the ladder. Any advice would be much appreciated. I've been driving myself insane. Thanks for listening!!!