Am I sabotaging my future???? - page 2

Ok, I skipped my three classes today (seminar, and 2 theories), I have a 15 page paper due next Friday... Instead of doing the things I was supposed to be doing, I slept all day. I am going through... Read More

  1. by   jenrninmi
    Quote from Lawnurse

    I slept all day yesterday and didn't work on the paper at all and felt GREAT for having procrastinated.

    I just get so nervous and worked up when I'm actually working on the paper - a worse feeling than knowing the deadline is fast approaching.
    Yes! Exactly! That's how I feel. I'd rather procrastinate right now...bad feeling...bad.
  2. by   crb613
    Quote from JENRN2BMICHIGAN
    Yes! Exactly! That's how I feel. I'd rather procrastinate right now...bad feeling...bad.
    Ok you took a day off, now it's time to get back after it. That day is gone & that's ok you needed it. Now give yourself a talk & get back after it. We are all behind you & you can & will do it!!! Look how far you have come. Take 1 thing at a time, break it into small pieces next thing you know you are done. By the way is there anyone that could help you, like do some reasearch for you on the paper?? Type it up or anything that would lessen the load? I will keep you in my prayers & Good Luck I know you can do it!!
  3. by   jenrninmi
    Quote from crb613
    Ok you took a day off, now it's time to get back after it. That day is gone & that's ok you needed it. Now give yourself a talk & get back after it. We are all behind you & you can & will do it!!! Look how far you have come. Take 1 thing at a time, break it into small pieces next thing you know you are done. By the way is there anyone that could help you, like do some reasearch for you on the paper?? Type it up or anything that would lessen the load? I will keep you in my prayers & Good Luck I know you can do it!!
    I think I've got all the research I need done. Just got to type it up now. Thank you!
  4. by   ManyRN2B
    It's so true how the last semester is stressful. We have an exit exam in April and it is stressing all of us to no end because if you don't pass it with a 78%, you don't graduate!!!! Talk about pressure!!! So we have all been at each other's throat lately. Last week was rough! I'm usually nice, understanding and don't talk bad but last week.....whew!! It came out!! The whole class was this way.

    This past week it was better. Our teacher came in before our midterm and played some music, walked out and we changed the music to hip-hop and one girl got up and started dancing. Everyone was laughing and in rare form that day. EVERYONE! Was acting up that day. But in a good funny way. I think as the semester progresses it gets better. Everyone is under stress this semester. Alot going on ...it's almost over and it's like you can almost taste it. We are all anxious. They say exercise helps with depression, feeling better.etc..etc...

    I'm glad your feeling better. Not much longer!!!

    Tiffany
    BSN Grad May 05
  5. by   MizRani
    I'm sorry for your struggle. Just focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. I suffer from depression too, mine gets really bad with stress. Good luck!
  6. by   Lawnurse
    Making some progress on the paper...hearing everyone's thoughts is really helpful.

    My paper is for a class but is also part of a competition - one which I entered last year and was heartbroken after I lost in the final 8. Its been really difficult to get back on the horse, so to speak, when this paper keeps bringing up that old memory...then I get nervous about how well I'll do in the competition this year.


    I'm taking the advice of breaking it into small bits, and also going to the gym to help the stress.

    I appreciate everyone letting me vent.
  7. by   nurse4theplanet
    Quote from JENRN2BMICHIGAN
    Ok, I skipped my three classes today (seminar, and 2 theories), I have a 15 page paper due next Friday... Instead of doing the things I was supposed to be doing, I slept all day. I am going through major depression people. I don't remember the last time I've felt this way. Yes, I am on meds for it...100mg Zoloft. I've been on it for >5 years. I've said it before here, I'm so used to being a student, I'm feeling like I'm subconsciously sabotaging my graduating in less than 2 months. I have to get out of this funk!!
    You are not alone. I am just starting out in my first semester and I have already missed up to the limit of absences allowed with half the semester left. I have battled depression for years but because I was told I am crazy and should not even attempt nursing school by an uneducated nurse (after I waited for two years on the waiting list) I decided not to get on any meds and just tough it out. My husband is overseas now, and I was forced to move back in with my parents whom I believe contribut to my depression, and some days I just don't feel like getting up. Then I will begin to feel a little better and suddenly regret the position I have put myself in. It only makes it even more overwhelming. I feel like I constantly go in circles and that if I am not careful I will ruin my chances of having a great future. I find that it helps to keep in touch with friends, or just whoever will listen. I used to be very withdrawn and then I just decided to start pooring my heart out to anyone who would stop to try and help and I have a better support system now. But some days are a nightmare, you just have to find something to motivate you....for me its not disappointing my husband and getting out of my parents home.
  8. by   Maggie in NC
    Jen!! I think depression is common in nursing school. I can't tell you how many days I come home and just go to bed because waiting some of these patients are heartbreaking. Not to mention the stress I've put on myself to get thru this program-with NO MONEY. I could go on but, if I do, I may end up gettin back in bed and ballin up!!


    You'll get thru it! But, do check with your Doc about your meds-ya just never know!!

    Hope things get better soon!!
  9. by   hollyster
    Quote from asoldierswife05
    You are not alone. I am just starting out in my first semester and I have already missed up to the limit of absences allowed with half the semester left. I have battled depression for years but because I was told I am crazy and should not even attempt nursing school by an uneducated nurse (after I waited for two years on the waiting list) I decided not to get on any meds and just tough it out. My husband is overseas now, and I was forced to move back in with my parents whom I believe contribut to my depression, and some days I just don't feel like getting up. Then I will begin to feel a little better and suddenly regret the position I have put myself in. It only makes it even more overwhelming. I feel like I constantly go in circles and that if I am not careful I will ruin my chances of having a great future. I find that it helps to keep in touch with friends, or just whoever will listen. I used to be very withdrawn and then I just decided to start pooring my heart out to anyone who would stop to try and help and I have a better support system now. But some days are a nightmare, you just have to find something to motivate you....for me its not disappointing my husband and getting out of my parents home.
    You have so much to deal with you should not have to "tough it out." You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Going on medication is not a sign of failure or weakness.
    The first semester of nursing school is usually the most difficult mentally add to that the fact that your whole life has changed no wonder you are depressed. Keep reaching out.
    [B]Thank you and your husband for the sacrifices that you have made. Being a military spouse is the "toughest job in the military."
  10. by   nurse4theplanet
    Quote from hollyster
    You have so much to deal with you should not have to "tough it out." You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Going on medication is not a sign of failure or weakness.
    The first semester of nursing school is usually the most difficult mentally add to that the fact that your whole life has changed no wonder you are depressed. Keep reaching out.
    [B]Thank you and your husband for the sacrifices that you have made. Being a military spouse is the "toughest job in the military."
    Thank you for your support...it is what is needed most! As for the med issue.... I do not perceive myself as weak if I am on medication but I am a firm believer that meds are only the temporary solution anyhow, to be combined with counseling and lifestyle changes. The nurse that told me I should not go to nursing school is at my PCP's office. I simply wanted to know if there was anyone they could recommend me to, like a psychiatrist and like any good nurse she asked what was going on. As I explained about how I had finally waited out the list and I was starting school full time at the same exact time my husband was having to leave, and we had to end our lease leaving me with no other option than to go back to my parents...well I got emotional and started crying. She had the nerve to tell me not only was I sick and crazy, but I should NEVER be a nurse, and I need to be checked into a psychiatric hospital! I was LIVID to say the least! It was the most rediculous thing I have ever heard and it put such a bad taste in my mouth that I just can't force myself to go there! There is just such a stigmatism and stereotype of someone who is depressed. I am the FARTHEST thing from suicidal!!!!!!!!!!!! But that's what you get treated like sometimes....and I come from a small small town, there aren't much more options. So I decided to tough it out! May not be the best option, and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, but when I do overcome an obstacle all on my own, it makes me profoundly stronger!
  11. by   hollyster
    Quote from asoldierswife05
    Thank you for your support...it is what is needed most! As for the med issue.... I do not perceive myself as weak if I am on medication but I am a firm believer that meds are only the temporary solution anyhow, to be combined with counseling and lifestyle changes. The nurse that told me I should not go to nursing school is at my PCP's office. I simply wanted to know if there was anyone they could recommend me to, like a psychiatrist and like any good nurse she asked what was going on. As I explained about how I had finally waited out the list and I was starting school full time at the same exact time my husband was having to leave, and we had to end our lease leaving me with no other option than to go back to my parents...well I got emotional and started crying. She had the nerve to tell me not only was I sick and crazy, but I should NEVER be a nurse, and I need to be checked into a psychiatric hospital! I was LIVID to say the least! It was the most rediculous thing I have ever heard and it put such a bad taste in my mouth that I just can't force myself to go there! There is just such a stigmatism and stereotype of someone who is depressed. I am the FARTHEST thing from suicidal!!!!!!!!!!!! But that's what you get treated like sometimes....and I come from a small small town, there aren't much more options. So I decided to tough it out! May not be the best option, and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, but when I do overcome an obstacle all on my own, it makes me profoundly stronger!
    I am so sorry that you had to go through that. The nurse that treated you so badly should be fired. She obviously does not understand the concept of being a pt advocate. Sounds like she has issues that need to be addressed and could use sometime as a pt in a psych. facility.

    My favorite quote: The same heat that melts iron forges steel.
    Holly
    Last edit by hollyster on Mar 20, '05
  12. by   TLC RN
    Quote from asoldierswife05
    Thank you for your support...it is what is needed most! As for the med issue.... I do not perceive myself as weak if I am on medication but I am a firm believer that meds are only the temporary solution anyhow, to be combined with counseling and lifestyle changes. The nurse that told me I should not go to nursing school is at my PCP's office. I simply wanted to know if there was anyone they could recommend me to, like a psychiatrist and like any good nurse she asked what was going on. As I explained about how I had finally waited out the list and I was starting school full time at the same exact time my husband was having to leave, and we had to end our lease leaving me with no other option than to go back to my parents...well I got emotional and started crying. She had the nerve to tell me not only was I sick and crazy, but I should NEVER be a nurse, and I need to be checked into a psychiatric hospital! I was LIVID to say the least! It was the most rediculous thing I have ever heard and it put such a bad taste in my mouth that I just can't force myself to go there! There is just such a stigmatism and stereotype of someone who is depressed. I am the FARTHEST thing from suicidal!!!!!!!!!!!! But that's what you get treated like sometimes....and I come from a small small town, there aren't much more options. So I decided to tough it out! May not be the best option, and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, but when I do overcome an obstacle all on my own, it makes me profoundly stronger!
    That is just horrible what she said & I feel bad she said that too you. She is the one with a major problem!

    I can see how one can say meds are only a temporary solution. But keep in mind they may help right now. I used them at one point that was very difficult for me. I was also in therapy at the time. What the meds did for me was lift me out of the deep depressive mood and with the therapy I was able to get to a point that I was not so down. I eventually went off the meds and have not needed to go to therapy. I never thought the meds would work, but they really helped to lift the fog so I could focus on the issues to really address the depression.

    Can you go to the PCP and talk to the provider him/herself and not the nurse about your issues? Or try a counseling center/health center at school? You gotta take care of yourself & please know we are all here to support you!

    PS - I thought the same thing about toughing it out and in hindsight, I realized that even thought I used the meds, I was still the one working on my problems. The other thing about the meds is they allowed me to do so much more in solving my problems. It was like I could deal with stuff much more efficiently. Looking back, it would have probably taken me 3-4 years to accomplish what I did without meds but on the meds in only took a year and a half.
    Last edit by TLC RN on Mar 20, '05
  13. by   Lawnurse
    taking a break from my paper to throw in my 2 cents.

    Meds are sometimes a temporary solution, but not always. For me they are a long-term solution. I have had years of therapy and currently my psychiatrist is in agreement with me that talk therapy is not a worthwhile use of my time. Unlike some people dealing with depression, I do not have aggravating factors in my life - behavioral changes are not what I need. My family and significant other are supportive, and I have a good job waiting for me after I graduate.

    However, I frequently feel depressed despite all the good things in my life - that is what makes it clinical depression instead of a true reaction to my life situation.

    I've been taking meds - different meds at different times - for almost 7 years now. When I miss a dose, I can feel the difference a few days later, even after I've forgetten that I missed a dose. With lexapro, I was able to feel the exact moment that the drug started working 3 days after I first took it (and what a great moment).

    For me simple brain chemistry is what keeps me in the realm of depression instead of the realm of the non-depressed people. I can't will my brain chemistry to change anymore than I can will my heart to stop or my blood to reverse directions in my circulatory system.

    Its likely I will take meds for depression in some form for the rest of my life. The only problem I have with this is that I will need to forgo or change my meds during pregnancy and breastfeeding (still many years off in my case). I am very greatful that modern medicine allows me to join the realm of the non-depressed (for most of the time). Depression truly is a disease. Insulin and betablockers are temporary solutions to diabetes or heart trouble - and for me, antidepressants aren't just a temporary solution to depression.

    p.s. It would be great one day if I actually stop needing the meds. They are expensive and do have side effects. However, given my personal history with the disease, I don't imagine this will happen.

    Okay! back to the paper.... :uhoh21:

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