Am I sabotaging my future????

Lawnurse · Mar 17, 2005

Jen, I can sympathize greatly. I am also about to graduate (from law school - got my bsn in 2002), have a huge paper due in a few days, and am suffering from depression (part of Bipolar II with dysphoric mania/hypomania/my doctor isn't really sure yet).

I slept all day yesterday and didn't work on the paper at all and felt GREAT for having procrastinated.

I just get so nervous and worked up when I'm actually working on the paper - a worse feeling than knowing the deadline is fast approaching.

suggestions and encouragment appreciated :uhoh21:

jenrninmi, MSN, RN · Mar 17, 2005

I slept all day yesterday and didn't work on the paper at all and felt GREAT for having procrastinated.
I just get so nervous and worked up when I'm actually working on the paper - a worse feeling than knowing the deadline is fast approaching.

Yes! Exactly! That's how I feel. I'd rather procrastinate right now...bad feeling...bad. :uhoh3:

crb613, BSN, RN · Mar 18, 2005

Yes! Exactly! That's how I feel. I'd rather procrastinate right now...bad feeling...bad.

Ok you took a day off, now it's time to get back after it. That day is gone & that's ok you needed it. Now give yourself a talk & get back after it. We are all behind you & you can & will do it!!! Look how far you have come. Take 1 thing at a time, break it into small pieces next thing you know you are done. By the way is there anyone that could help you, like do some reasearch for you on the paper?? Type it up or anything that would lessen the load? I will keep you in my prayers & Good Luck I know you can do it!!

jenrninmi, MSN, RN · Mar 18, 2005

Ok you took a day off, now it's time to get back after it. That day is gone & that's ok you needed it. Now give yourself a talk & get back after it. We are all behind you & you can & will do it!!! Look how far you have come. Take 1 thing at a time, break it into small pieces next thing you know you are done. By the way is there anyone that could help you, like do some reasearch for you on the paper?? Type it up or anything that would lessen the load? I will keep you in my prayers & Good Luck I know you can do it!!

I think I've got all the research I need done. Just got to type it up now. Thank you!

ManyRN2B · Mar 18, 2005

It's so true how the last semester is stressful. We have an exit exam in April and it is stressing all of us to no end because if you don't pass it with a 78%, you don't graduate!!!! Talk about pressure!!! So we have all been at each other's throat lately. Last week was rough! I'm usually nice, understanding and don't talk bad but last week.....whew!! It came out!! :lol2: The whole class was this way.

This past week it was better. Our teacher came in before our midterm and played some music, walked out and we changed the music to hip-hop and one girl got up and started dancing. Everyone was laughing and in rare form that day. EVERYONE! Was acting up that day. But in a good funny way. I think as the semester progresses it gets better. Everyone is under stress this semester. Alot going on ...it's almost over and it's like you can almost taste it. We are all anxious. They say exercise helps with depression, feeling better.etc..etc...

I'm glad your feeling better. Not much longer!!!

Tiffany

BSN Grad May 05

MizRani · Mar 18, 2005

I'm sorry for your struggle. Just focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. I suffer from depression too, mine gets really bad with stress. Good luck!

Lawnurse · Mar 19, 2005

Making some progress on the paper...hearing everyone's thoughts is really helpful.

My paper is for a class but is also part of a competition - one which I entered last year and was heartbroken after I lost in the final 8. Its been really difficult to get back on the horse, so to speak, when this paper keeps bringing up that old memory...then I get nervous about how well I'll do in the competition this year.

I'm taking the advice of breaking it into small bits, and also going to the gym to help the stress.

I appreciate everyone letting me vent. :)

nurse4theplanet, RN · Mar 20, 2005

Ok, I skipped my three classes today (seminar, and 2 theories), I have a 15 page paper due next Friday... Instead of doing the things I was supposed to be doing, I slept all day. I am going through major depression people. I don't remember the last time I've felt this way. Yes, I am on meds for it...100mg Zoloft. I've been on it for >5 years. I've said it before here, I'm so used to being a student, I'm feeling like I'm subconsciously sabotaging my graduating in less than 2 months. I have to get out of this funk!!

You are not alone. I am just starting out in my first semester and I have already missed up to the limit of absences allowed with half the semester left. I have battled depression for years but because I was told I am crazy and should not even attempt nursing school by an uneducated nurse (after I waited for two years on the waiting list) I decided not to get on any meds and just tough it out. My husband is overseas now, and I was forced to move back in with my parents whom I believe contribut to my depression, and some days I just don't feel like getting up. Then I will begin to feel a little better and suddenly regret the position I have put myself in. It only makes it even more overwhelming. I feel like I constantly go in circles and that if I am not careful I will ruin my chances of having a great future. I find that it helps to keep in touch with friends, or just whoever will listen. I used to be very withdrawn and then I just decided to start pooring my heart out to anyone who would stop to try and help and I have a better support system now. But some days are a nightmare, you just have to find something to motivate you....for me its not disappointing my husband and getting out of my parents home.

Maggie in NC · Mar 20, 2005

Jen!! I think depression is common in nursing school. I can't tell you how many days I come home and just go to bed because waiting some of these patients are heartbreaking. Not to mention the stress I've put on myself to get thru this program-with NO MONEY. I could go on but, if I do, I may end up gettin back in bed and ballin up!!

You'll get thru it! But, do check with your Doc about your meds-ya just never know!!

Hope things get better soon!!:)

hollyster · Mar 20, 2005

You are not alone. I am just starting out in my first semester and I have already missed up to the limit of absences allowed with half the semester left. I have battled depression for years but because I was told I am crazy and should not even attempt nursing school by an uneducated nurse (after I waited for two years on the waiting list) I decided not to get on any meds and just tough it out. My husband is overseas now, and I was forced to move back in with my parents whom I believe contribut to my depression, and some days I just don't feel like getting up. Then I will begin to feel a little better and suddenly regret the position I have put myself in. It only makes it even more overwhelming. I feel like I constantly go in circles and that if I am not careful I will ruin my chances of having a great future. I find that it helps to keep in touch with friends, or just whoever will listen. I used to be very withdrawn and then I just decided to start pooring my heart out to anyone who would stop to try and help and I have a better support system now. But some days are a nightmare, you just have to find something to motivate you....for me its not disappointing my husband and getting out of my parents home.

You have so much to deal with you should not have to "tough it out." You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Going on medication is not a sign of failure or weakness.

The first semester of nursing school is usually the most difficult mentally add to that the fact that your whole life has changed no wonder you are depressed. Keep reaching out.

Thank you and your husband for the sacrifices that you have made. Being a military spouse is the "toughest job in the military."

nurse4theplanet, RN · Mar 20, 2005

You have so much to deal with you should not have to "tough it out." You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Going on medication is not a sign of failure or weakness.
The first semester of nursing school is usually the most difficult mentally add to that the fact that your whole life has changed no wonder you are depressed. Keep reaching out.
Thank you and your husband for the sacrifices that you have made. Being a military spouse is the "toughest job in the military."

Thank you for your support...it is what is needed most! As for the med issue.... I do not perceive myself as weak if I am on medication but I am a firm believer that meds are only the temporary solution anyhow, to be combined with counseling and lifestyle changes. The nurse that told me I should not go to nursing school is at my PCP's office. I simply wanted to know if there was anyone they could recommend me to, like a psychiatrist and like any good nurse she asked what was going on. As I explained about how I had finally waited out the list and I was starting school full time at the same exact time my husband was having to leave, and we had to end our lease leaving me with no other option than to go back to my parents...well I got emotional and started crying. She had the nerve to tell me not only was I sick and crazy, but I should NEVER be a nurse, and I need to be checked into a psychiatric hospital! I was LIVID to say the least! It was the most rediculous thing I have ever heard and it put such a bad taste in my mouth that I just can't force myself to go there! There is just such a stigmatism and stereotype of someone who is depressed. I am the FARTHEST thing from suicidal!!!!!!!!!!!! But that's what you get treated like sometimes....and I come from a small small town, there aren't much more options. So I decided to tough it out! May not be the best option, and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, but when I do overcome an obstacle all on my own, it makes me profoundly stronger!

hollyster · Mar 20, 2005

Thank you for your support...it is what is needed most! As for the med issue.... I do not perceive myself as weak if I am on medication but I am a firm believer that meds are only the temporary solution anyhow, to be combined with counseling and lifestyle changes. The nurse that told me I should not go to nursing school is at my PCP's office. I simply wanted to know if there was anyone they could recommend me to, like a psychiatrist and like any good nurse she asked what was going on. As I explained about how I had finally waited out the list and I was starting school full time at the same exact time my husband was having to leave, and we had to end our lease leaving me with no other option than to go back to my parents...well I got emotional and started crying. She had the nerve to tell me not only was I sick and crazy, but I should NEVER be a nurse, and I need to be checked into a psychiatric hospital! I was LIVID to say the least! It was the most rediculous thing I have ever heard and it put such a bad taste in my mouth that I just can't force myself to go there! There is just such a stigmatism and stereotype of someone who is depressed. I am the FARTHEST thing from suicidal!!!!!!!!!!!! But that's what you get treated like sometimes....and I come from a small small town, there aren't much more options. So I decided to tough it out! May not be the best option, and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, but when I do overcome an obstacle all on my own, it makes me profoundly stronger!

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. The nurse that treated you so badly should be fired. She obviously does not understand the concept of being a pt advocate. Sounds like she has issues that need to be addressed and could use sometime as a pt in a psych. facility.

My favorite quote: The same heat that melts iron forges steel.

Holly