Wondering how others deal with RUDE patients, docs, colleagues?????

Nurses General Nursing

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If you think a patient has been rude to you, do you retaliate? Do you walk slowly instead of stepping spryly to get that washcloth he requested? Or give the lower dose of pain med? Put the ER chart to the bottom of the stack? Forget to get the snack he wants? Can't find an extra chair for his visitors? Other? Or do you not allow yourself such indulgences?

How about rude docs? Do you not help them get the lab results and suture sets they need? page them late at night for things that could wait?

Rude colleagues - refuse to cover their patients while they go smoke for the 15th time that shift? not help them turn, pull up, or transfer patients? Mentally make up stories about them suffering?

I am NOT asking if you would ever deliberately harm your patient. PLEASE don't ever do that, no matter how rude they are. We have to answer to our own consciences, to the law, and to God and I don't want to see anyone in trouble on any level.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

None of the above. Two wrongs don't make a right and I take the high road. I often try to "kill them with kindness" without being phoney.

I have some very challenging patients. I recently had a talk with a very grouchy witch of a 20 year old patient and told her I didn't appreciate how she was treating my staff. Of course she was hateful in return. Later that day when she needed me to type up a letter so her mom could get her stuff out of her impounded car I was kind and showed her she didn't affect me at all and showed her the proper way to treat people.

Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Often I just have to go into the room, quietly do my thing. There have been occasions I've walked out of a room in the middle of them being rude to catch my breath.

The same with docs, I professionally do my job, whatever that entails, which isn't butt kissing.

Maybe part of the reason I've never been yelled at by docs or coworkers or wasn't eaten while I was young is how carry myself as a professional and treat others. I nip things in the bud and don't accept unacceptable behavior. I don't know because I'm not a very good judge of my character, and while this post sounds vain, I'm very hard on myself.

Specializes in Utilization Management.

I agree with Tweety. Two wrongs don't make a right. Although I also have my little challenges, I grit my teeth and do my best. After all, it takes effort to retaliate and it's simply not worth my energy or time.

Very often, rude patients are scared to death of losing control.

Rude docs are beneath me.

Rude colleagues are overwhelmed.

If the behavior is consistent with someone's character, I get a psych consult for a patient and fervently wish I could order one up that easily for docs and colleagues.

If you think a patient has been rude to you, do you retaliate? Do you walk slowly instead of stepping spryly to get that washcloth he requested? Or give the lower dose of pain med? Put the ER chart to the bottom of the stack? Forget to get the snack he wants? Can't find an extra chair for his visitors? Other? Or do you not allow yourself such indulgences?

How about rude docs? Do you not help them get the lab results and suture sets they need? page them late at night for things that could wait?

Rude colleagues - refuse to cover their patients while they go smoke for the 15th time that shift? not help them turn, pull up, or transfer patients? Mentally make up stories about them suffering?

I am NOT asking if you would ever deliberately harm your patient. PLEASE don't ever do that, no matter how rude they are. We have to answer to our own consciences, to the law, and to God and I don't want to see anyone in trouble on any level.

[The name of this thread was changed. Original title made reference to another thread dealing with racial issues.]

I read this post four times and am still don't get the connection between the thread on nurses of color and what you are asking. I've been treated rudely by all kinds of people, different ethnic backgrounds, different ages, different education and economic backgrounds.

Could we please leave the racial aspect out of this and confine our discussion to behavior?

I try very hard to monitor my thoughts and responses so that I don't punish someone for being rude. However, I do limit my interactions with difficult people to the essentials so as not to antagonize them further. This has the side benefit of reducing the time I spend as a target. Let me add that this approach comes only after making a number of attempts to connect in a positive way with the rude person, whether a patient or family member.

Fortunately, this kind of encounter has been a rarity for me and usually involves someone who has ongoing underlying issues as evidenced by the fact that they have run-ins with other staff members during their stay.

The thought that helps me the most in such a situation is that it isn't personal.

I read this post four times and am still don't get the connection between the thread on nurses of color and what you are asking. I've been treated rudely by all kinds of people, different ethnic backgrounds, different ages, different education and economic backgrounds.

Could we please leave the racial aspect out of this and confine our discussion to behavior?

I try very hard to monitor my thoughts and responses so that I don't punish someone for being rude. However, I do limit my interactions with difficult people to the essentials so as not to antagonize them further. This has the side benefit of reducing the time I spend as a target. Let me add that this approach comes only after making a number of attempts to connect in a positive way with the rude person, whether a patient or family member. That's what I do - limited exposure brings limited upset for them and for me. I might also address the behavior and ask what is disturbing them. Sometimes they will tell you they didn't mean to be rude, they're just scared about their DX or worried about their family at home while they're stuck in the hospital. Then we usually can chat and both seem to feel better and realize it isn't personal.

The thought that helps me the most in such a situation is that it isn't personal.

It could be personal at times, though. It can be gender, race, etc. that evokes the rudeness.
None of the above. Two wrongs don't make a right and I take the high road. I often try to "kill them with kindness" without being phoney. Yes, I have found this to be a good technique.

I have some very challenging patients. I recently had a talk with a very grouchy witch of a 20 year old patient and told her I didn't appreciate how she was treating my staff. Of course she was hateful in return. Later that day when she needed me to type up a letter so her mom could get her stuff out of her impounded car I was kind and showed her she didn't affect me at all and showed her the proper way to treat people.

Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Often I just have to go into the room, quietly do my thing. There have been occasions I've walked out of a room in the middle of them being rude to catch my breath.

The same with docs, I professionally do my job, whatever that entails, which isn't butt kissing.

Maybe part of the reason I've never been yelled at by docs or coworkers or wasn't eaten while I was young is how carry myself as a professional and treat others. I nip things in the bud and don't accept unacceptable behavior. I don't know because I'm not a very good judge of my character, and while this post sounds vain, I'm very hard on myself.

Not vain, Tweety, just professional and experienced in life.
Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Not vain, Tweety, just professional and experienced in life.

Thanks. It's definately life experience that has created me. If I were 18, I doubt I'd have the same outlook. ;)

It could be personal at times, though. It can be gender, race, etc. that evokes the rudeness.

Behavior is the common denominator. Your inquiry isn't dependent on the cause. The real question has to do with our responses, not what's going on with the patient (or family member). Whether the behavior stems from personal or impersonal origins, we still have to make our own decisions about how to react and find ways to care for the people involved.

Please, let's focus on our side of the equation (which is what was asked about). How do we as nurses handle the slings and arrows that disrespectful patients send our way?

If you think a patient has been rude to you, do you retaliate? Do you walk slowly instead of stepping spryly to get that washcloth he requested? Or give the lower dose of pain med? Put the ER chart to the bottom of the stack? Forget to get the snack he wants? Can't find an extra chair for his visitors? Other? Or do you not allow yourself such indulgences?

How about rude docs? Do you not help them get the lab results and suture sets they need? page them late at night for things that could wait?

Rude colleagues - refuse to cover their patients while they go smoke for the 15th time that shift? not help them turn, pull up, or transfer patients? Mentally make up stories about them suffering?

I am NOT asking if you would ever deliberately harm your patient. PLEASE don't ever do that, no matter how rude they are. We have to answer to our own consciences, to the law, and to God and I don't want to see anyone in trouble on any level.

[The name of this thread was changed. Original title made reference to another thread dealing with racial issues.]

I re-read your post 5 times and don't get the connection between your post and race. I don't see how race plays into this unless you're asking about racism in the workplace.

To answer your questions, no to all of them. I would be stooping to their level if I didn't turn patients, not to mention neglectful. And I don't have time to walk slowly to get that washcloth. I firmly believe in karma so I treat others with respect.

If you think a patient has been rude to you, do you retaliate? Do you walk slowly instead of stepping spryly to get that washcloth he requested? Or give the lower dose of pain med? Put the ER chart to the bottom of the stack? Forget to get the snack he wants? Can't find an extra chair for his visitors? Other? Or do you not allow yourself such indulgences?

I'm probably reading too much into this, but what I'm getting from your last sentence is that you think that those of us who don't forget (purposely) that snack or don't put the chart at the bottom are goody two shoes. Maybe even liars who don't allow ourselves the personal indulgence and self gratification that could come from doing the things you mentioned.

Forgive me, I haven't slept in 24 hours so I'm a little edgy.

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

I agree with Tweety and rn/writer - its always best to take the high road. I always consider the added stress that pts are under especially nowadays: no insurance, unsure when they can return to work, being in a new environement and just the fact that they are scared.

Here's another thought that helps me take the high road.

I don't have to go home with the patient. I do have to go home with my conscience.

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