When does it get better

itsme · Dec 1, 2003

Please,seek help NOW- for your daughters safety, to heck with nursing right now, to heck with the contract, get help for your self and for your daughter. No job, carreer, title behind your signature, nothing is more important than your child. If you have to, take her to your parents, a friends, a ministers- someplace safe. You need to get some help before you really hurt her bad. PLEASE do this, help yourself by helping your child first. Like I said no job or contract or whatever is worth risking your childs life over.

itsme · Dec 1, 2003

I forgot to tell you that you are doing the right thing by getting help and by asking for support. My thoughts will be with you and your daughter.

peaceful2100, BSN, RN · Dec 1, 2003

I got the earliest counseling date possible which is next Monday. I live with my parents and they see my frustration and they do try to help but like I said they really don't understand.

I feel like a walking time bomb right about now. NOOOOOO I am NOT suicidal although sometimes I thought I would be better off any where but where I am. I mainly feel like I want to crawl in a corner and hibernate like a bear all winter long.

I have a combination of depression/anxiety that I know. I just waited so long to get help.

My job is not helping me at all either. Nursing is so different then what I thought it would be working on the floor I work on with all those patients. IT is so totally frustrating. Right now med-surg is my only option though like I said before.

Thank you.

live4today, RN · Dec 1, 2003

:crying2: My heart goes out to you dear one. Many of us reading your post have experienced pain and disappointment as you have at one time or another in our lives, especially when relating your situation to our jobs be the job nursing or some other kind of employment.

The best advice for you is what you are doing........getting help in counseling for the anger and frustration you are trying to cope with on your own. I've had to do that many a time myself when feeling angry and frustrated over "bad things" happening in my life. Don't feel unworthy or hopeless over the situation you are facing. It takes a strong character to realize they need help, seek that help, and follow through with it no matter how painful the process. Keep loving yourself! If you give up on you, what will that teach your daughter to do? :kiss

Apply for another job and leave the one you are on. If you can take a job elsewhere in the same hospital, look into that as well. That's the best thing to do involving your job.......it won't get any better....that's a fact you'll have to accept.

As for the tuition payback, swallow the error in judgement, and set up a payment plan to pay it back. Your only other choice would be to file a Chapter 7 which would put your credit buying power on hold for 10 years.

Listen to your own heart, and march by the beat of your own music. Others can give you advice, but you are the one who will have to live with the choices you choose.

I know you believe in God, and the power of prayer. Allow your spiritual side to rule over your emotions and trust God to embrace all else by surrendering your problems to Him.

I'm here for you dear one. :kiss

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Dec 1, 2003

(((((peaceful2100)))))

First of all, you MUST learn to be gentler with yourself. You are 23 years old and a brand-new nurse.....how on earth can you possibly know everything there is to know, fresh out of school, and at so young an age? I'm almost twice your age, and *I* don't know it all either.......nobody ever does. God isn't finished with us yet!

Second, you are a single mom with a very young child. Please, if you do nothing else, get counseling, and talk to your doctor about getting on some antidepressant and/or antianxiety meds. Both can be obtained free or at low cost through city or county mental health departments, and this is too important to both of you to just wait and see if it gets better on its own. Trust me, it DOESN'T. You and your daughter need outside help and support to get you through this incredibly difficult time. Things like this can't be fixed by one person......if you could have fixed it yourself, you would have already done it.

Finally........whatever it takes to get out of your contract, DO IT. No job in the world is worth what this one is doing to your sanity. It's OK to admit you made a mistake in accepting this position. You're new, you're young, and from what it sounds like, med/surg is not the place for you. There's nothing wrong with that.......it's why nursing is such a marvelous profession, you don't have to do something you hate!

It's far too early to give up on yourself, either as a nurse or as a human being. Believe it or not, you have a lot going for you, as you at least know what you DON'T want to do. That's half the battle right there. I'm here for you if you need me, hon.....PM me if you want to talk more.

TLS · Dec 1, 2003

Peaceful2100, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. Counseling is a great thing, even to vent. I know how confused your daughter and your parents may feel. It's tough being a single mom. I was once one...very very stressful...now put in a mix of nursing school, and a dash of high hopes in the nursing field. You are not alone and your are not an idoit nurse. WE new nurses will make it through and I know that because other nurses have made it before us. One of my instructors once told me (which I held through out my heart in school) If it were impossible then there would be no more nurses. Get some time in with a counselor and don't forget your God time!

Also, contract situation is not impossible. There are hospitals willing to buy your contract out. check it out. Apply at other hospitals and ask them if they are willing to buy it and make sure they have a very supportive preceptor program:p

One more important thing to remember: God is incharge of you wherever you are. He is bigger than the people at work and is all knowlegable about your challanging daughter. Just call on him.

Theresa:

karenG · Dec 1, 2003

my heart goes out to you. lots of good advice here. you are being really hard on yourseld......where does it say that you have to know everything?? I qualified 23yrs ago and am still learning!

you need to sit down and take stock. work out whats important in your life.. you are a mum and a nurse, both hard things to be! I cant comment on the job situation- dont understand how your system works!! But we are here to listen if you want to shout!!

take care

Karen:kiss

Tweety, BSN, RN · Dec 1, 2003

You sound exactly like me my first week. Heck, I felt like that my first year. Full of frustration, doubt, disorganization, etc. That is very very normal.

I don't know what to say except that it does get better. Since you're so full of hate about your present situation would it help to keep your eye on the goal, while keeping yourself in the present.

I'm not sure where you want to go, but realize each stay is a step there, each day a learning experience, a challenge, a chance to get some skills that you can take with you when you leave.

Try to leave work at work. It must be horribly stressful to be a new nurse and a young single mother. Find ways to nuture yourself. Do you exercise?

Good luck with the counseling. These are important times for your child.

Also, if it helps, this is the United States, you are free to quit. You are not a slave, you have choices. Of course choices come with consequences. If you break your contract there will be penalties. But perhaps it will help the attitude to realize you are choosing to do this, rather than being an indentured servant.

Good luck. Med-Surg is tough back breaking, spirit breaking work. You're right where most caring nurses would be after a week.

Y2KRN · Dec 1, 2003

Hello,

I just wanted to tell you that my thoughts and prayers are with you!! You have received good advice here and you are definately on the right track. It is soo hard to be a young single mother, I was raised by one! I am soo proud of my mother and I know that your daughter is proud and will always be proud of you.

You have accomplished soo much in your young age. You have made it through nursing school a feat in half in my book and are raising your daughter. Most nurses have chosen nursing as a second career or later in life as I did myself. I don't know that I would have been able to handle nursing at such a young age.

I am very glad that you chose nursing as a profession, we need nurses just like you. You will bring a lot to nursing throughout your career, and believe it or not you already do. I am always pleased when I see a young person in nursing, you bring a whole new perspective to the field, so don't sell yourself short!!

Keep the faith concentrate on your daughter and yourself, the rest will fall into place!!

I hope one day when I am ill, I will have someone like you looking over me and caring for me or my family.

Let us know how things go!!

Denise

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Dec 1, 2003

peaceful... what a beautiful name.

I do hope and pray you come to a place in your life once again where you can live in the fulness of that name.

I remember your posts after you first failed the NCLEX, and how you were taking time just to be with your sweet dtr. as you felt your stress had monopolized your time. You wanted to spend some quality time with her and regroup before delving back into your studies to try again.

You CARE. That is so evident.

You care about your dtr., or you would not be concerned about your actions. You care about being a competent nurse and you care about the well being of your patients... these are all strong, positive qualities. GOOD FOR YOU !!!

Now... before you go getting too down on yourself, stop and think.

You have been going fullforce for HOW long now... school, school, school, giving it all you've got... then studying for and failing first Boards... VERY emotionally exhausting. You took only a very BRIEF time off before you went at it again.. fullforce.

Passed ... (HURRAY!!!) and went straight into your new job... FULLFORCE.

Where was there any time to just stop for a few weeks and go "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh......" ??? There was none. :stone

You NEED that ! Your body, mind, and spirit needs (desparately) a TIME OUT. Your daughter needs you, and you KNOW it and feel helpless and guilty about that as well. You're between a rock and a hard place.

Is there ANY way you can talk with your employer about a temporary leave of absence... a few "mental health weeks" to pull yourself out of this spiral? To regroup and refresh yourself and your relationship with your daughter. I would strongly urge you to sity down with your Nurse Mgr., or WHOMEVER... to discuss the possibilities. Pour your heart out as you have here and see what the options are.

Get the counseling and/or meds you need to set you back on an even keel to calm yourself. YOU are worth it !

As far as the overwhelming feeling on M/S, I know all about that.

I have done nothing but dialysis for 6 years, and I, too, just graduated a year ago, and stayed on in dialysis. I knew there was more I wanted to learn about "nursing", and that M/S was the place to get that knowlege and experience. So I took on a PRN position as well, on a M/S unit at a nearby hospital.

But I, too, continue to be totally overwhelmed by all that I DON'T know, and feel soooooooooooo incompetent !!!

It's downright embarrassing !!! :imbar

But I also know that all the other great nurses there had to start the same way.. they, too, did NOT start out KNOWING ALL.

Yes, 7-10 patients for a NEW nurse is just so ridiculous, and the "sink or swim" feeling is a very scary one. I don't like it, and I fear mistakes that may harm my patients...

But I also love the challenge. I WANT to be a good M/S nurse, because I do love the variety and all there is to learn there. I just have to tell myself I don't CARE how stupid I might come across, by golly, I'm there to LEARN, and learn I will !!! I'll ASK for help every chance I get, ask about things I don't understand, and tag along and watch every new procedure, or any that I have not yet tackled. I KNOW that I WILL eventually feel more comfortable, but that it will take time.

I'm planning on working my PRN on nights, to buy me a little more "quiet time" to learn. Days are NOT conducive to learning (for me) as they are just too overwhelming with all the docs flying around, admin., charts and phones.... no.. not yet. Not 'til I have the basics down... and that will be awhile yet... a GOOD while.

So you are NOT alone in feeling incompetent. But I look at the others, and know I can some day be every bit as good as they, and I want to.

I would NOT choose to do M/S fulltime, for one reason only... and that is the nurse to patient ratio. I still believe it's a major booboo waiting to happen. I'll never for the life of me understand why a hospital would take such a risk. It is shameful, and I'm not willing to risk my license just so they can save a few $$. But I will continue to go in one night every other week... to quench mt OWN thirst for knowledge and exposure to all I still want to learn.

Is there anyway you can work partime at this facility in M/S and still fulfill your obligation to them? Then do something less stressful such as office nursing, or a specialty you're comfortable with at another place? Just food for thought.

Do NOT give up... on yourSELF, on your nuring abilities, on your motherhood. You WILL get over the hump.

You just need a BREAK, my friend... before the stresses break you.

Please keep us posted.

I wish you well. I wish you PEACE, Peaceful. :kiss

stressednurse · Dec 1, 2003

My first nursing job started about 3 months before I left my husband and took 3 kids with me. I put myself through nursing school so I could leave that looser, and yes I told him that was what I was gonna Do if he didn't clean up his act by the time I had a good job.

These were tough times for me as he originally didn't think he had to support the kids as "I had a good job". So imagine renting a duplex (we lived with his mom so I couldn't throw him out) working full time and raising 3 kids. I had some really helpful friends at the time but no family help, dad and step-mom refused to help as they had "issues to deal with" of their own.

The stress and frustration is tough, you are doing the right things and I will think about you often. I came close to hurting my kids a few times but thankfully I just shut myself in my room for a while until I relaxed a bit.

My son was having lots of problems with Mom and Dad breaking up and needed counseling. At one session he flipped out and it took 3 people to contain him, he was 9 at the time. That got him a week in a psyche facility for evaluation. He was released with the diagnosis of "normal anger and frustration" in this family situation. His dad convinced him that mom had him locked up cuz she didn't like him.

It took me 7 years to convince him that I do like him.

Good luck and you will be in my prayers.