Visitor from He**

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Maybe I was just cranky from lack of sleep yesterday (baby was sick and up all night- should have called in), but one of my patients had a visitor that just irritated the heck out of me.

Note that I've had this patient a couple of times during his 5 week stay in our ICU. He's very ill, but he is getting better. Yesterday was the first day that I had ever seen this woman, but I had been told that the patient had 2 current girlfriends (1 of which visits him daily, and I have gotten to know her pretty well), and an ex-wife that visits regularly. They all get along, surprisingly.

My first experience with her was when she shows up right after I left his room yesterday morning (after spending an hour getting him straightened out and comfortable- finally). She comes up to the nurse's station and says, "We need our nurse." That just rubbed me the wrong way for some reason- like she was summoning her waiter, or something. When I introduced myself as his nurse, she says he needs mouthcare. I told her I had just done it. Then she says she wants to wash his hair. I told her no, I just had to bump up his sedation medication and give him MSO4 to get him comfortable again. Then she starts asking me a bunch of questions about his status, and gets huffy when I ask if I could inquire who she was, as I had never seen her before.

She tells me who she is and says she's been here every day since he got admitted. Not true- she hadn't even been there the day before. So, I only give her the basic HIPAA-proof info. She then goes behind me and verifies what I've told her with the PCA. Later on, she wants to get huffy with me again, when I ask her to leave the room, so I could turn him and do skin care to his peri area/coccyx SBD. She says, "Well, it's not like I haven't seen it before." The thing is, he is sedated on a Diprovan drip, and I'm not turning it off so I can ask his permission- he gets very agitated at times. I again asked, "For the sake of his privacy, can you go wait in the waiting room for about 15 minutes while I do this?" She huffs off.

Fast forward to 2 hours later: I transfer him to the long-term vent unit. She tried to enter the room twice while we were getting him settled in his new room after I repeatedly asked her to wait in the waiting room. As the receiving nurse and I are getting him settled, we notice his toenails have been painted bright orange! She did this to him when she came back in the room after I did his skin care. What a jerk! :angryfire

Now, I hear the guy has a great sense of humor, but he's really sick, and isn't recovering all that well from his CABG (he ended up being trached, pegged, etc.). The receiving nurse on the long-term vent unit said he wasn't going to allow her in the room from then on. Had I realized what she had done, I wouldn't either. I wanted to go chew her out in the waiting room, but thought better of it, because I probably would've gotten fired.

Yeah- she's concerned about his mouth care and washing his hair, but not his dignity? It led me to wonder if she wasn't getting back at him for having another girlfriend.

She was probably drunk or high or PMS'ing or perimenopausal. :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :devil: :devil: :devil: ;) ;) ;) Or feeling insecure, scared, powerless, etc.

Deepest sympathies to the OP. She sounds AWFUL!

Specializes in Med/Surg, Geriatrics.

I thought you handled her amazingly well. I wasn't there but I know exactly the tone of voice she used because I have had this type of visitor also, many many times. I appreciate how assertive you were with her and how you didn't let her interfere with the care you were providing even though she was irritating as heck.

What a weirdo!

Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.
I thought you handled her amazingly well. I wasn't there but I know exactly the tone of voice she used because I have had this type of visitor also, many many times. I appreciate how assertive you were with her and how you didn't let her interfere with the care you were providing even though she was irritating as heck.

Thanks- that means a lot. :kiss

Specializes in ICU;CCU;Telemetry;L&D;Hospice;ER/Trauma;.

yup...she's definitely missing a few marbles...

I am troubled that the toenail thing was overlooked....

While it may have been wise to not directly confront her yourself, this action taken upon a patient by an outside visitor-non-medical-person is completely out of bounds from a legal standpoint. This in legal terms constitutes assault/battery (unwanted touch) upon a helpless individual who cannot consent for himself. If she was touching him inappropriately in his genitals, the same case could be made....so this is clearly a situation that needs to be addressed by nursing supervisors. She should at the very least, not be allowed to visit, or cannot visit unless another person is present, because she now has shown you that she is not trustworthy to treat him as a patient....and that's dangerous....what's next? toying with the ventilator settings, messing around with his trach or peg tube....bumping up the rate on his tube feeds? putting drops in his eyes/?? all of which will come back on you as his assigned caregiver....so in the interest and advocacy of you patient, you should speak up about this....

We once had a woman who came in and decided to "trim" the cuticles and toenails on her demented mother....no one stopped her, they were all afraid to confront her for fear of being viewed as "not customer friendly".....her mother, bless her, had an INR of 7.0.....due to coumadin treatment gone awry....she nearly lost a unit of blood on the bed before anyone noticed that she was bleed from her daughter's pedicure! (her daughter was a podiatrist, by the way, and also charted that she had done this in the patient's chart, eventhough she was not consulted by the primary doctor to do so, and also because it's completely unethical!) Her mother ended up with very poor healing issues with her toes after that...

I would have confronted her then and there before she got out her little clippers....this kind of behaviour on a patient is wrong...and on one will fire you because you have the audacity to speak up for your patient....

If you make it clear that there are policies by the hospital that must be adhered to, and then ask your supervisor to speak with the offender....beacause no one should be allowed to humiliate a sick patient just to get a laugh.....that is cruel and demeaning and by standing back and not saying anything, it makes you complicitous under the law in the behaviour....you need to write this up....as an occurence report....

because if she does anything else and the patient is harmed, you have a paper trail that shows a pattern of behaviour....

She would have been thrown out of my hospital and quite possibly served with papers charging her with battery to a patient....

WE as nurses must protect our patients....WE are the last shield of protection between our patients and the rest of the world...

Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.
yup...she's definitely missing a few marbles...

I am troubled that the toenail thing was overlooked....

While it may have been wise to not directly confront her yourself, this action taken upon a patient by an outside visitor-non-medical-person is completely out of bounds from a legal standpoint. This in legal terms constitutes assault/battery (unwanted touch) upon a helpless individual who cannot consent for himself. If she was touching him inappropriately in his genitals, the same case could be made....so this is clearly a situation that needs to be addressed by nursing supervisors. She should at the very least, not be allowed to visit, or cannot visit unless another person is present, because she now has shown you that she is not trustworthy to treat him as a patient....and that's dangerous....what's next? toying with the ventilator settings, messing around with his trach or peg tube....bumping up the rate on his tube feeds? putting drops in his eyes/?? all of which will come back on you as his assigned caregiver....so in the interest and advocacy of you patient, you should speak up about this....

We once had a woman who came in and decided to "trim" the cuticles and toenails on her demented mother....no one stopped her, they were all afraid to confront her for fear of being viewed as "not customer friendly".....her mother, bless her, had an INR of 7.0.....due to coumadin treatment gone awry....she nearly lost a unit of blood on the bed before anyone noticed that she was bleed from her daughter's pedicure! (her daughter was a podiatrist, by the way, and also charted that she had done this in the patient's chart, eventhough she was not consulted by the primary doctor to do so, and also because it's completely unethical!) Her mother ended up with very poor healing issues with her toes after that...

I would have confronted her then and there before she got out her little clippers....this kind of behaviour on a patient is wrong...and on one will fire you because you have the audacity to speak up for your patient....

If you make it clear that there are policies by the hospital that must be adhered to, and then ask your supervisor to speak with the offender....beacause no one should be allowed to humiliate a sick patient just to get a laugh.....that is cruel and demeaning and by standing back and not saying anything, it makes you complicitous under the law in the behaviour....you need to write this up....as an occurence report....

because if she does anything else and the patient is harmed, you have a paper trail that shows a pattern of behaviour....

She would have been thrown out of my hospital and quite possibly served with papers charging her with battery to a patient....

WE as nurses must protect our patients....WE are the last shield of protection between our patients and the rest of the world...

It wasn't "overlooked"- it was a 30 minute time span between the painting of the toenails, and the patient's transfer (the nail polish was still sticky), where I and the receiving nurse noticed it. We both decided after that, that she would not be allowed into his new room. I know the receiving nurse, and I know he'll enforce that- and I know he would say something to her about it, so I don't feel I left the patient to the wolves.

I do agree that I should have done an occurrence form. When I ran it by my fellow coworkers, they thought it was funny- I didn't, but I though maybe I was making too much of it. Running it by you guys, I realize I was right to think this was way out of bounds.

Specializes in Me Surge.

You know what the painted tornails thing was about? She was marking her territory. She wanted the ex-wife and new girlfriend both to know she was there. As for the other rudeness, sounds like a typical beotch.

Good thing she didn't get to wash his hair. She may have tried to dye it to match the toenails.

I'm glad to hear that the nurse who had him after you transferred him would keep her in line. I really think unless this guy's name is Dennis Rodman he probably wouldn't appreciate waking up to painted toenails. Really, painting someone's toenails while they are asleep (sedated) sounds like an immature frat house prank.

BTW, since you knew the next nurse would handle things appropriately, I don't think it needed to be your place to go talk to this woman about her inappropriate behavior. If I were the next nurse, I really think I would have called in the nursing supervisor to be present during the discussion with this woman about this behavior and why she would not be allowed back into the patient's room unsupervised. I would involve the supervisor so that this woman would know she was not going to be able to go "over my head" to complain about me.

Specializes in Emergency.
She comes up to the nurse's station and says, "We need our nurse."

Did you get to count her in your nurse/ patient ratio?

Specializes in ED, ICU, PSYCH, PP, CEN.

Wow, the weirdos out there never cease to amaze me. This was definately assault/battery and this woman should not be allowed alone with pt again. However, I think you handled things just fine. It's great that you know your limits and know when to back off. I, too, can have a bad mouth sometimes with cases like this and try to error on the side of silence to keep my job.

This is one of those times when you might not know what to do because it is an incidence so out of the norm.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

obviously, i wasn't present, so i can't hear the tone of voice - but, did she know the name of his nurse? if she did not know the nurse's name, then how else could she have asked? did she know who, from among the many/few staff around, which person was his nurse?

what else could she have said?

why did she think that he needed mouthcare?

she could have said "who is taking care of mr. jones in 212?" or

"may i speak to mr. jones' nurse? he's in 212."

i wasn't there, either, but i can just hear the condescending tone of voice that goes with an attitude like that!

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