Tubal Ligation Failure

[KY RN]

:uhoh3:How often does female sterilization fail? Has anyone had this happen to them? How did they feel? I just found out I am pregnant and I'm very upset. I have 4 kids and underwent tubal ligation two years ago. I'm pushing 40 and I'm not thrilled with the idea of another child. I felt like my family was complete. Because of my beliefs, I wouldn't have an abortion but I don't feel happy about this child. Do other people feel this way?

[HisTreasure, BSN, RN]

My Aunt has three children. The oldest was a birth control pill baby, obviously the birth control pill failed. Her husband then had a vasectomy about 9 years after the baby was born. Then my Aunt got pregnant with the 2nd baby not too long afterward. She had her tubes tied. Got divorced, remarried and bam! got pregnant with her 3rd (and last) baby.

We all tease her telling her that although *she* had no plans of having more than one child, higher powers that be had it in *their* plans that she would.

To the OP, I wish you the very best. I'm sure its a huge surprise and shock that you are now pregnant. You took precautions to avoid this and it didn't work, you shouldn't feel bad about not being thrilled about this. But i'm sure when the newest family member makes their arrival, you will nurture and love this newest member as you did you other children. My 2nd daughter wasn't planned, took precautions to avoid it, but now, I cannot imagine my life without her.

Seriously, that is one of the saddest/scariest stories I've ever heard!!

[Junebugfairy]

it's okay to be mad, cry, yell, scream, and vent. you are upset, and it is better to let your feelings out rather than bottle it all up.

totally okay.

this is something that has to be processed, you are obviously not going to be glowing and smiley asap.

i just wanted to offer you some support (((hugs)))

sometimes talking about it, letting your feelings air, is very helpful.

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

For the child's sake I really hope you get help to get over those feelings-and quickly.I believe that carrying that kind of energy does harm the fetus-not to mention the emotional damage that can be caused to the unwanted child as he or she grows up.We've all seen that.

Don't mean to offend but when you post on a public forum you are going to get all kinds of feedback as this thread has already shown.

Good Luck

I am sure they will "get over it" they have already chosen to accept it and keep the baby, but people are allowed to be upset or angry and what not, feelings aren't like light bulbs, they don't flick on and off. It takes a little time. Well unless your my husband, then they can flip on and off :| It is extremely common for many moms to be ambivelent or unhappy (if pregnancy is unwanted) during the first trimester, usually by second semester things start looking up. Often times even sooner then that. They baby isn't going to be damaged because mom is a little upset upon finding out and you don't tell someone that is upset to get over it and nothing the OP has said has given the impression that she has hatred for the baby to cause concern. IMO

[casi, ASN, RN]

Sending a lot of hugs in your direction! I can't even begin to imagine being in your shoes right now. I can't imagine how stressful it is.

[mammac5]

To the OP...I completely get how you feel. I had 3 kids with 1st hubby and had tubes tied. Remarried to a man who is older than I am and we neither wanted more kids (he had 3 from his 1st marriage).

Eight years after my ligation, I found out I was pregnant. I was literally trembling on my way to have ultrasound and blood work done! Hubby was FLOORED as his kids were all grown by that time and he had grandkids. After a few weeks I adjusted to the idea and was starting to feel pretty special about the whole deal. Then I miscarried.

You don't have to feel any sort of way but how you do. The important thing is that you allow yourself those feelings, but keep your actions in line with your core beliefs. Sometimes what makes us feel best in the long run is the knowledge that we've done what we know to be the right thing. But you're an adult; you know this may take a long time.

Take extra good care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You've had a big shock and are making major adjustments to what you thought your future would look like. Remember that at least 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned, but that doesn't make 50% of us bad people or bad parents.