Quote from Emergent
My advice is to count your blessings and stop whining. Nursing can be like relationships, the passion can be more intense in the earlier times.
That's why it's better to view nursing as a way of putting food on the table which is interesting.
Try to cultivate the ability to be detached. Gratitude is another useful attribute.
Am I the only one who thinks that is a bit harsh?
This sounds like a classic case of burnout. Obviously you're committed to your current job through your tuition reimbursement, but maybe you could consider a couple of these ideas:
Could you switch to another unit within the same hospital system without disrupting your tuition reimbursement? It sounds like your unit may have a workplace culture problem (nurses vs. physicians, staff vs. charge, etc.) Would you be able to get a fresh start on a different unit while still pursuing your program?
I'd definitely try to see a therapist, especially if staying in your current position is inevitable. Your employer likely has an Employee Assistance Program, which offers a few free counseling sessions. Burn-out and feeling trapped in a job can definitely be catalysts for anxiety and depression. They may be able to help you develop coping strategies and perhaps figure out your next steps moving forward.
This is a big stretch, but perhaps you could take a personal leave of absence to recharge? This would be harder to do (you'd have to convince your employer as well as your school program, plus find a temporary job to support yourself like waitressing). Still, if you're in serious need of a break, you might be able to make it work. While volunteering abroad, I took a 'volunteer' position bartending at a party hostel to get a free bed and meals; it was the most fun I ever had and gave me a mental break during nursing school
. I've known nurses who took a leave of absence to volunteer for the non-profit Mercy Ships in Africa for a couple of months (though this is not paid). If you can swing it, temporarily stepping away might help you recharge and get a fresh perspective.