The math doesn't add up

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I'm a math person, so it really bothers me when my manager asks us to do an additional task or duty without subtracting a current task or duty. The math doesn't add up.

Our current duties take up a full shift. If you add something more, something else needs to be eliminated.

For example:

When my manager says, "I'd like you to provide the patient with handwritten thank you cards. These cards will take about 2 minutes to write and distribute per patient." She should also say, "therefore, you no longer have to complete care plans for your patients, as those take about the same amount of time. From now on, I will write the care plans for you."

Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
Yeeaaaaah, this sounds a little more *personal* than just your run of the mill obnoxious patient annoyance...

I wish I could say that I made this all, but I didn't, and I wish I could say that this was 1 person, but it wasn't. It was several very memorable people combined! Most of the days I loved working in L&D, but sometimes, Lord help me, I despaired for the future of the human race.

When I asked why housekeeping couldn't do a certain new housekeeping task instead of nursing being expected to do it, I was told they don't have time, they'd have to hire more people. But it was added to the nursing load without hiring more nurses?

Nurses are so widely-known to be terrible managers of time. If you just manage your time better, there's an infinite number of things you can accomplish in 12 hours.:sarcastic:

Really, magical thinking is an identifying trait of politicians, bureaucrats (govt and corporate) and lousy managers. Oh, yes, and two-year-olds, too.

Are you unwell or just confused? Or are you just not a nurse? Allow me to explain: if the patients remember their nurses, then the patients should be sending their nurses a thank you card. Really, this is absurd. Nurses do not thank patients for being patients. It is truly insulting to propose such a thing.

Remember that many hospitals don't have "patients" anymore, but "clients" or "customers."

When you change the words, you alter the relationship to a primarily monetary one. Given that premise, it's logical to send a thank-you as other businesses do.

The actual wisdom of this entire view of people who come to a hospital for treatment is, at the least, open to question.

Thank you, dear patient, for coming to us when you were in labor. Thank you further for choosing the local medical school to provide your obstetrical care rather than the group of private physicians that were also available, and then screaming the entire labor about "all those mofos in my business and in my dookie!" You could have chosen ONE doctor instead of a herd of doctors, but then what would you have had to complain about? By the way, what exactly is a dookie? Is that the same thing as a monkey or a pocketbook or a cat? Thank you, also, for your excessive lack of personal hygiene prior to your scheduled induction. Bathing probably takes too much time away from texting, tweeting, and threatening the putative father with child support. I just adore the smell of tuna left out in the August sun! Thank you for bringing your 8 visitors with you despite the sign and my polite reminders about only 3 visitors in the room at any one time. So sorry I couldn't provide a pallet on the floor as requested by that one particularly charming fellow. The verbal abuse I caught when I refused to part with 3 blankets so he could stretch out on the floor certainly broadened my horizons when it comes to profanity! My, but he is a poetic fellow. Thank you also for bringing your drama. I haven't gotten to see Jerry Springer all week because I'm employed, but this certainly filled in the gaps! To hear that you didn't discover you'd procreated with your second cousin until after it was "too late to do sumpin about it" really made my day. I'm an old fashioned girl, and always liked to know the last name of the person I was intimate with, thus sparing me those pesky incestuous situations, but I certainly see the excitement of doing it your way. And I was truly inspired with your mothering when you handed the baby back to me and told me you'd hold him after we cleaned him up, because he was "nasty." Yes, he probably was considering the entrance you provided him to the world. Thanks for refusing that tubal ligation, too, because we certainly hope to see you back here next year!"

Yeah, I can see why I wasn't asked to design the cards for our unit.

In all seriousness, I have sincerely thanked a few patients for letting me take part in their miracle, but not because I was forced to do it to satisfy Mr. Press and Mr. Ganey (I'm sure many nurses would like to meet these two alone in a dark alley some day). It totally loses all meaning if everyone gets a card. Honestly, I wasn't thankful for some of our patients, except maybe being thankful when they headed out the door.

:eek: If that doesn't get someone hopped up to go into L&D, I don't know what will. ;)

Remember that many hospitals don't have "patients" anymore, but "clients" or "customers."

When you change the words, you alter the relationship to a primarily monetary one. Given that premise, it's logical to send a thank-you as other businesses do.

The actual wisdom of this entire view of people who come to a hospital for treatment is, at the least, open to question.

I disagree. Just b/c someone is a client doesn't take away the essential role/position of patient anymore than when someone pays for their education, they are no longer students. One real motivation behind referring to patients as clients, was to get patients to see their role of responsibility in their care and treatment, so that they could partner with health providers for optimal outcomes.

Oh well . . .

At any rate, maybe we could make up a new word. For example, claptients, could be used; but that brings to mind a STD or something. "Wait. I have to examine the clap in bed 3."

Specializes in ICU.

Monkeybug, I am not kidding here, but we once had a new mother who wanted to name her baby girl "lady parts." She said she heard someone saying the name while she was in labor, and just fell in love with it.

Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
Monkeybug, I am not kidding here, but we once had a new mother who wanted to name her baby girl "lady parts." She said she heard someone saying the name while she was in labor, and just fell in love with it.

I worked wtih someone who had worked previously in a large teaching hospital, and they told me that at one point there had been a big stink over residents suggesting names to patients (and patients taking them up on it) like syphilis, placenta, etc. I hope it wasn't the truth, but knowing the gallows humor most healthcare workers have, it wouldn't surprise me.

Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
:eek: If that doesn't get someone hopped up to go into L&D, I don't know what will. ;)

Can you walk in a crowded public place and immediately determine that someone in the room has trich? I guarantee you most L&D nurses can! :roflmao:

Remember that many hospitals don't have "patients" anymore, but "clients" or "customers."When you change the words, you alter the relationship to a primarily monetary one. Given that premise, it's logical to send a thank-you as other businesses do.The actual wisdom of this entire view of people who come to a hospital for treatment is, at the least, open to question.
Ok so its a business. Is a bank teller going to be the one writing a thank you note? No,thats corporate's job.
Maybe it's a regional thing, but we heard it a lot. Dook or Dookie for lady parts. I've given up being surprised at the names people will use when they could simply say "lady parts."

Thankfully am out of the setting where this word had been used with some frequency....and am now in one where it's never used......but the word "pooty" is stuck in my head permanently.

Specializes in ICU.
I disagree. Just b/c someone is a client doesn't take away the essential role/position of patient anymore than when someone pays for their education, they are no longer students. One real motivation behind referring to patients as clients, was to get patients to see their role of responsibility in their care and treatment, so that they could partner with health providers for optimal outcomes.

Oh well . . .

At any rate, maybe we could make up a new word. For example, claptients, could be used; but that brings to mind a STD or something. "Wait. I have to examine the clap in bed 3."

Hmmm...now if only we could find a way to alter our entire cultural perception that a client is a person paying for and utilizing goods and services.... Then, surely there wouldn't be so much confusion....

If that were actually the case and not just smoke and mirrors, then the terminology should have been changed to something befitting, like "partner."

Isn't anybody concerned that the nurses giving the care are no longer doing the assessments and planning the care, since they are writing cards and the manager is doing all that?

When is the manager going to have the time to do all those admissions, anyway? And reevals and new plans? I would seriously ask her this question.

You could say, "Great! I can't tell you how much I would really like to sit in the break room and write cards while you do my admissions assessments and plans of care! Thanks so much!" and see what she says. You cannot write a plan of care on someone else's assessment-- you can look it up in the ANA Scope and Standards of Practice-- so she just bought herself a big chunka work.

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