Same ol' family issues!!

chevyv, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2008

I may be wrong, but if a complaint has been brought up, I thought that there was a law that they had to investigate within a certain amount of time. You may want to check into that. They would be coming unannounced and doing a home visit check. That is what I believe happens in Wisconsin.

chevyv, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2008

Have you approached 'dad' on them coming to stay with you and your mother?

FLArn · Nov 10, 2008

Could you notify their MD or perhaps a teacher of the problems? As mandated reporters maybe their calls would generate more results. Also last time I checked neglect (unclean - no food) WAS abuse, right?

ImASuckyCMA87 · Nov 10, 2008

Chevyv, I thought it was against the law as well. I mean, what is the use in letting someone know that you're on to them?? I thought it was pretty much common sense to just catch them as they usually are, but hey - maybe the rules here in Pennsylvania are different.

And yes I have approached the dad about the children staying with us. We're neighbors and about two weeks ago the youngest boy came over to our house crying. When we asked him what was wrong, he told us that his dad said that if he moved in with us, he wouldn't be able to see him or his brother anymore! I'm like, OMG. He never fails to blow my effing mind!! Why in the world would you say something like that to a child? He's pathetic.

And on top of that the youngest child, in my opinion, needs a little extra help in school. He's ten years old and in the fourth grade, and he just doesn't learn as fast as the other kids. I've personally tried helping him with homework, but 1) I'm no teacher and 2) he seems completely oblivious. He still writes some of his letters backwards and I think (again, I'm no teacher) he may be dyslexic. When my sister and I talked to his dad about it, he told us there was nothing wrong with his son and refused to even look into it. The boy also has a terrible stutter and takes a minute to say something that should take ten seconds. The stutter may not be something that can be helped, but the child himself needs a little assistance.

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2008

Unfortunately the system is so overwhelmed with maltreated/neglected kids, this scenario is probably all too common. This social worker most likely has an ungodly caseload and your complaint might seem like small potatoes to her, unfortunately.

I'm so sorry for your cousins, how terrible for them.

ImASuckyCMA87 · Nov 10, 2008

You're probably right, jlsRN. But I can't allow someone's "ungodly caseload" be a reason for my family to be mistreated. These are children. Helpless, vulnerable, hurting children. I know I may sound like I'm slandering this guy, but I'm only trying to state the facts. Their father is solely concerned with the money. Take that away and he'd give us custody in a second. I'm being pushed to my breaking point, guys. I don't know where else to go or what else to do. I need someone to truthfully answer my question; am I fighting a hopeless battle?? Should I throw in the towel?

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2008

I don't have the answer to that IamASucky. If it's hopeless, then a better stategy for you would be to try and help the kids while winning the trust of the the Dad.

I don't think they take kids away because the parent doesn't help with homework and make them clean their room. If they used that as a criteria, then a lot of kids would be taken from their homes. As far as what he said to the boy "Go ask your mother", I doubt if that comment alone would be enough to make a case on, as horrible as it is.

One thing is that the older boy is 15 and I think the wishes of a teenager carry quite a bit of weight with the court system.

mama_d, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2008

Trying to do right by children is never a hopeless battle. Even if nothing else comes of it, they will see that there has been someone there who cared enough to advocate for them when they needed it.

Assuming that there are bigger issues than a messy house and lack of academic involvement, which many parents are guilty of.....and it sounds from your posts that you definitely believe that to be the case....this is what I would do in your situation.

Schedule a meeting with the children's school counselors. They should hopefully be able to point you in the direction of the next step to take.

Be involved if you are able to with their school, such as attending parent/teacher conferences, etc. I'm not sure of the legality of you being involved in aspects such as IEPs, which it sounds like the fourth grader needs. My step son struggled for a few years with reading/writing proficiency, and he is just now at the point where he is able to do grade appropiate work and receive average grades. I shudder to think of how far behind he would be without the assistance of the special programs at his school for kids like him.

Keep being the squeaky wheel. Document, document, document.

"11/10/08...went to visit kids. Johnny is unkempt, when asked, states he has not had a bath for four days. He asked for me to take him to the store to get food because, according to him, there has only been enough food for one meal a day for the last three days. Scheduled appointment with staff at XYZ Elementary to receive update on his progress in school.

11/12/08...Had meeting with Johnny's teacher. She states homework is consistently incomplete and Johnny frequently appears unkempt. She states concern over lack of progress in academics and feels that Johnny would benefit from speech therapy and full evaluation to determine possibility of learning disability secondary to his inability to correctly form letters, which according to her should have been mastered by grade X. Approached Johnny's father regarding this information, he states there is no reason for Johnny to have speech therapy or evaluation."

Etc. etc. etc.

Eventually you'll have enough documentation to hopefully start making waves at family services and perhaps take more drastic measures if it becomes necessary.

It sounds like these boys are lucky to have someone like you in their lives. Keep taking care of them and showering them with love and whatever assistance you can, emotionally, academically, and physically.

TopazLover, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2008

No. Don't give up. Talk to the teacher of the 10 yr old. Let her know your concerns. She probably can't discuss much with you but she can listen. If dear ole dad knows and is not responding to his needs, she might be able to report as a form of neglect as well as emotional abuse with the threats. She can talk to the child and get more info.

If there is any food in the house, it would be hard to press that issue. Up here even crackers count as food in the house.

I think the heads up to the teacher is the easiest way. The MD is a great idea but with the new privacy issues you might not get in the front door with the doc.

morte, LPN, LVN · Nov 10, 2008

i think what you need is a guardian ad litum, at least that is what it is called in mass. it is too bad this wasnt done before their mom's passing, given that she and you knew what kind of father you would be dealing with....i would check with a family law attorney....social security might be interested in the fact that the money isnt going to the intended use....and if you can derail the payments, perhaps you can accomplish your goals that way.....take care

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Nov 10, 2008

You need a lawyer. If you try to do this through Family Services the kids will be grown before anything is fixed.