Offended by pt- how to react?

Nurses General Nursing

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this happened to me friday at work, and i still cannot figure out a way i could've reacted differently to this. i've never had anything like this happen at work, so i was stumped as to how to chide this guy and be professional in every sense of the word. here goes:

i work fri-sun 7p-7a on a sub-acute unit. one of my patients was sitting in the common area speaking to another patient (they are both white males), when i took his pm medication to him. he then tells the other patient, "i like these black nurses. they do what they're supposed to do like good girls. they're so caring and loving; unlike those white ones." the other patient then agreed to this, stating, "yeah, some of the best nurses my son has are black" and mind you his son is one of the doctors we use most. i took offense to this, because that's a freaking generalization and i felt it basically relegated black nurses to a "mamie role"; but i was willing to let it slide. until my patient stuck his feet in his mouth and stated, "you see, what it is with these black women is that they have such sorry black men that when they see us white men, they just want to love all over us." this made me :angryfire (flaming hot mad); but i just laughed and told him, "i don't think that's what it is". i had the same patient assignment all weekend, but i had to mentally distance myself from this guy. whenever i had to do something patient care wise with/for him, i took someone else with me and i basically spaced out mentally; not the best patient care, i know. i wanted to address this with my nm and ask how to best handle situations like this, but i feel it's best if i just let it go. what do you guys think; i.e. what should i have done to let him know he was being offensive (and remain professional), and should i speak with my nm regarding this?

thanks.

So, maybe I won't be the most popular guy after this, but hey, its just my opinion.

I don't think "just letting it go" is the answer. Sure, we have to pick our battles but from the sounds of most of the responses here, nurses are being too picky. Just because we are a caring profession and we are professionals doesn't mean we have to put up and shut up. We aren't paid to put up with ignorance and in today's society there is no place for racism like that. I'm not saying that we should yell and scream and whine and moan at every thing that is said that we disagree with but when it comes to things like this I think the record has to be set straight. Racism is not acceptable in this day and age and people can be charged for engaging in it. I don't think we should call the cops on people like this, but there is no harm in letting them know that they are being ignorant. As for the asking for another nurse thing...IMHO, NO! As a male, I've been asked to go get a female nurse. Unless it is a pelvic I tell my patients that I'm a professional and I do just as good a job. I know some people are modest, but we (men) don't often have the option of asking for a male so why be selective? Trust me, I'm not going to be staring at your 85 year old breasts.

So, I probably haven't made many friends here today, but everyone is entitled to their opinion, this is mine, take it or leave it.

You had Jimmy the Greek as a patient?? ;)

Did I just age myself with that comment?

Ignorance is like dust, amazingly common and very easy to ignore. If I had a dime for every insult I have gotten over 19 years I wouldn't need to go to Nursing School. Don't take it personally and get angry be the better person and feel pity for him, or you can place an oversized Foley in him.

Peace,

Tripps

Unbelievable. Sorry you had to deal with this ignoramus.

Specializes in ICU;CCU;Telemetry;L&D;Hospice;ER/Trauma;.

There is no cure for stupid.

They don't make a twelve step program or a pill to help village idiots like this navigate social skills with more ease.

I think on my next approach I would have taken a white nurse with me...as a great experiment to him...have him cover his eyes....and then say..."tell me, which one of us just gave you your medication?" When he complains, "I don't know"....say, "exactly...you can't know....because nursing is gender and color blind...." Then let him mull that over for a while...

Sometimes teaching our patients involves also addressing prejudice.....in a nice way, people can learn to see past the surface...

OR....

You could try the full on approach of: "I see by your complete rednecked views that you believe that I am just a black mama nurse....well, honey...I am goin' to show you just how wrong you are!!" (just kidding!!)

I am sorry you were confronted by this poor excuse of manhood...

I really don't have alot of patience with this....I am pretty sure I would probably let my Irish get the best of me, and put them in their place.

And then I would most likely be escorted to the door....we have an image to protect you know!

Here's a classic example of the kind of abuse we take on a daily basis as nurses in this country...but we are unable to be supported in confronting it.

It's so sad.

Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho.

First you should be commended and congratulated for being the professional that you are. You handled it exactly right. Granted these guys were everything and more that the posts have named, but you were big enough and enlisted your professional attitude not to stoop to their level.

It could very easily gone the wrong way if you had confronted or used some sassy comeback. Thats when things get nasty and YOU end up being on the short end of the stick no matter what happened if one of these guys decided they wanted to make a big deal of anything YOU might have said. Especially if they were a patient. You did good.

I have a feeling these guys would have made comments of some sort to anyone other than a senior citizen nurse. They were looking for reaction and you didnt really give them what they wanted.

there are some comments that just cannot be dignified with a response.

this was one of them.

the only thing i would have done differently, is i wouldn't have laughed/smiled.

as for running it by your nm, sure, by all means.

you can tell him/her the incident and how you responded-just to keep her in the know.

ignorance is seldom reversible, despite all the teaching tools we may provide.

above all, keep your head up and chin out.

and take a deep breath....

i'm truly sorry.

leslie

Specializes in Med/Surg, Geri, Ortho, Telemetry, Psych.
Well, obviously, the first thing you should've done was switched out assignments with a white nurse.

But seriously, you handled that the best way you could have. Anyone who would make a beyond crass remark like that would not have benefited from any finger-wagging or witty reply you could've come up with. And seeing a wasted retort would deflate anybody's sails more than the original insult.

I don't agree with this at all. Why should she switch assignments? I think she handled it perfectly. I would have used the opportunity to educate the man a little. He probably tried to compliment her, in his own, very rude little way. I would have said something like, " You know, Mr. So and So, I know that you meant that in a good way, and I can appreciate that, but anyone who doesn't know you would take offense to that remark because it sounds like an ignorant statement, and I know you're not ignorant. Just phrase it differently." But that's just me. There are enough people out there who really do HATE other people because of race, religion, sex, whatever. I just don't think that every statement is meant to be taken as hate, even though it may sound like it. Especially in some of the older people who still talk like they did in 1950. I don't see any reason to change her assignment though, unless she really thought it was a statement fueled by hate. ;)

Specializes in Orhto, med/surg.
this happened to me friday at work, and i still cannot figure out a way i could've reacted differently to this. i've never had anything like this happen at work, so i was stumped as to how to chide this guy and be professional in every sense of the word. here goes:

i work fri-sun 7p-7a on a sub-acute unit. one of my patients was sitting in the common area speaking to another patient (they are both white males), when i took his pm medication to him. he then tells the other patient, "i like these black nurses. they do what they're supposed to do like good girls. they're so caring and loving; unlike those white ones." the other patient then agreed to this, stating, "yeah, some of the best nurses my son has are black" and mind you his son is one of the doctors we use most. i took offense to this, because that's a freaking generalization and i felt it basically relegated black nurses to a "mamie role"; but i was willing to let it slide. until my patient stuck his feet in his mouth and stated, "you see, what it is with these black women is that they have such sorry black men that when they see us white men, they just want to love all over us." this made me :angryfire (flaming hot mad); but i just laughed and told him, "i don't think that's what it is". i had the same patient assignment all weekend, but i had to mentally distance myself from this guy. whenever i had to do something patient care wise with/for him, i took someone else with me and i basically spaced out mentally; not the best patient care, i know. i wanted to address this with my nm and ask how to best handle situations like this, but i feel it's best if i just let it go. what do you guys think; i.e. what should i have done to let him know he was being offensive (and remain professional), and should i speak with my nm regarding this?

thanks.

was this your first "back-handed compliment"? the guy is just a racist... nothing more than an ignorant dirty pig of a racist. i do admit that i am sometimes un-proffessional when retorting to such patients.. so you may not want to take my advice but here it is. (i am white for the record). "i'm sorry that you are so ignorant" or "don't you think that is a little bit racist"? or even "wow.. i would have never pegged you for a racist" or last but not least "i'm not stupid enough to fall for those back-handed compliments like your girlfriend probably is".

Specializes in Orhto, med/surg.

[quote=EmerNurse;2122058]I had an older african-american gentleman as a patient once who refused me as his nurse on the same excuse, using the cracker comment as well. I simply asked him if he would like to talk to my charge nurse. He said yes. Ironically, (because my unit is very very diverse in its' staff), the charge nurse is a white male. The patient insisted on a black nurse. He got one. She was from Jamaica. He THEN insisted on a REAL black nurse, aka American.

At that point we all threw up our hands. No pleasing some folks and what took a lifetime for them to believe sadly won't always go away in the course of a shift.

As for the patient, he got great care, and signed out AMA after his x-ray was negative. go figure.

Ms. unproffessional again here.... but I believe in stucking up for ourselves.

My mexican friend was told by a white patient "I don't want you as taking care of me because you are Mexican" So she said "Well.... I guess you won't be getting any care until 3:30, 'cuz I'm your nurse". He could have made a stink, or even asked again, and we would have had to re-assign a new nurse, however he got the point and shut up. We as nurses to not have to roll over and play dead everytime someone says hateful things. Patients have every right to be cranky, but NEVER hateful.

Specializes in Med/Surg, Geri, Ortho, Telemetry, Psych.
[quote=EmerNurse;2122058]I had an older african-american gentleman as a patient once who refused me as his nurse on the same excuse, using the cracker comment as well. I simply asked him if he would like to talk to my charge nurse. He said yes. Ironically, (because my unit is very very diverse in its' staff), the charge nurse is a white male. The patient insisted on a black nurse. He got one. She was from Jamaica. He THEN insisted on a REAL black nurse, aka American.

At that point we all threw up our hands. No pleasing some folks and what took a lifetime for them to believe sadly won't always go away in the course of a shift.

As for the patient, he got great care, and signed out AMA after his x-ray was negative. go figure.

Ms. unproffessional again here.... but I believe in stucking up for ourselves.

My mexican friend was told by a white patient "I don't want you as taking care of me because you are Mexican" So she said "Well.... I guess you won't be getting any care until 3:30, 'cuz I'm your nurse". He could have made a stink, or even asked again, and we would have had to re-assign a new nurse, however he got the point and shut up. We as nurses to not have to roll over and play dead everytime someone says hateful things. Patients have every right to be cranky, but NEVER hateful.

Let us not forget that they also have the right to be stupid.:uhoh3:

Specializes in Med/Surg, Geri, Ortho, Telemetry, Psych.
Ms. unproffessional again here.... but I believe in stucking up for ourselves.

My mexican friend was told by a white patient "I don't want you as taking care of me because you are Mexican" So she said "Well.... I guess you won't be getting any care until 3:30, 'cuz I'm your nurse". He could have made a stink, or even asked again, and we would have had to re-assign a new nurse, however he got the point and shut up. We as nurses to not have to roll over and play dead everytime someone says hateful things. Patients have every right to be cranky, but NEVER hateful.

Let us not forget that they also have the right to be stupid.:uhoh3:

Okay, I don't know why this isn't working for me tonight - stupid computer!

I think you handled it very well. I'm sure it caught you off guard and I can't imagine how angry you must have felt in that instant. Ideally if something like this happened to me (it hasn't yet, but I'm just a student...and as a minority I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities to come haha) I think I would have just said something like "I don't think so" or "No, I don't think thats true". I've had SLIGHTLY offensive remarks and my reaction was to not smile and to ignore them. This at least gets the point across that they are a) not amusing b) you are not going to put up with their crap

Anyways, I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

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