Offended by pt- how to react?

Nurses General Nursing

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this happened to me friday at work, and i still cannot figure out a way i could've reacted differently to this. i've never had anything like this happen at work, so i was stumped as to how to chide this guy and be professional in every sense of the word. here goes:

i work fri-sun 7p-7a on a sub-acute unit. one of my patients was sitting in the common area speaking to another patient (they are both white males), when i took his pm medication to him. he then tells the other patient, "i like these black nurses. they do what they're supposed to do like good girls. they're so caring and loving; unlike those white ones." the other patient then agreed to this, stating, "yeah, some of the best nurses my son has are black" and mind you his son is one of the doctors we use most. i took offense to this, because that's a freaking generalization and i felt it basically relegated black nurses to a "mamie role"; but i was willing to let it slide. until my patient stuck his feet in his mouth and stated, "you see, what it is with these black women is that they have such sorry black men that when they see us white men, they just want to love all over us." this made me :angryfire (flaming hot mad); but i just laughed and told him, "i don't think that's what it is". i had the same patient assignment all weekend, but i had to mentally distance myself from this guy. whenever i had to do something patient care wise with/for him, i took someone else with me and i basically spaced out mentally; not the best patient care, i know. i wanted to address this with my nm and ask how to best handle situations like this, but i feel it's best if i just let it go. what do you guys think; i.e. what should i have done to let him know he was being offensive (and remain professional), and should i speak with my nm regarding this?

thanks.

Specializes in Junior Year of BSN.

Thats awful. I have encountered some racism myself when I was in the Army. I'm black and my boyfriend is white and I hear the comments and see the looks, its like we should be on national geographic the way they stare sometimes. But I'm not on this earth to enlighten ignorant people. You did the right thing. I'm so sorry this happened.:icon_hug:

i'm sorry, that's so awful people think this way in 2007

Specializes in Surgical, PACU.

Whenever I've had to put up with stupid remarks, usually from older male patients and sexual in nature I just enquire sweetly if they would like someone talking to their daughter, sister wife or whatever in that manner. Usually shuts them up for a minute while I make my exit. They all get good care from me, but I certainly will not go out of my way for them as I do for patients who appreciate me and what I do for them

Specializes in ICU, SDU, OR, RR, Ortho, Hospice RN.

as hard as this is i believe you still have to be the professional. treat everyone as equal with exactly the same good care.

i believe this was handled in the best possible way.

over the years i have had situations that have been tense from a male patient. i have always remained professional, if necessary, discussed their behavior with them but always above reproach.

nurses unfortunately are always going to come across patients that will 'grate' on you. move on after doing your best nursing care possible.

human nature is a funny thing and trust me there are some funny humans out there lol

Specializes in LTC, Med-Surg.

first, i want to say thank you all for your replies. :icon_hug: i wish more people would realize that color/race isn't the big issue in the world. that would be too much like right, though. especially being in the south.

this isn't the first off-handed comment ever made to me; been in this field way too long for that. i've had worse remarks than this made. i'm super sensitive, but none of my patients snide remarks/comments have ever gotten to me like this. this is the only one that's bothered me for this long. i think the reason it's sticking to me is because i'm ticked at myself because i feel i didn't react properly. i have a great circle of "mentors", and all of them say go to the nm. i just don't want to seem like a tattle or like i can't handle things on my own. i'm sure most of you know what i mean.

i don't think it made it any better when the guy tells me saturday, "you know i like black girls"; i just said, "oh, is that right." :uhoh3: then to top it off, he came to my med cart to talk to me sunday (with his daughter, her black husband and her grown, mixed children in tow) and tell me how he used to be such a redneck until his daughter got married and pregnant. lol. this guy is no where near demented; we hardly get dementia patients (except for in the hospice rooms).

anyway, thanks all. i'm getting an aromatherapy massage and reiki treatment later today, maybe then this will go away. lol

Specializes in ER..
I don't agree with this at all. Why should she switch assignments? I think she handled it perfectly. I would have used the opportunity to educate the man a little. He probably tried to compliment her, in his own, very rude little way. I would have said something like, " You know, Mr. So and So, I know that you meant that in a good way, and I can appreciate that, but anyone who doesn't know you would take offense to that remark because it sounds like an ignorant statement, and I know you're not ignorant. Just phrase it differently." But that's just me. There are enough people out there who really do HATE other people because of race, religion, sex, whatever. I just don't think that every statement is meant to be taken as hate, even though it may sound like it. Especially in some of the older people who still talk like they did in 1950. I don't see any reason to change her assignment though, unless she really thought it was a statement fueled by hate. ;)
I thought the "but seriously" following my comment made it obvious enough that it was sarcasm, but I guess I was wrong. Need to remember to choke up posts with smilies to not get the message misunderstood next time.
Specializes in ER, ICU, Infusion, peds, informatics.
i think the reason it's sticking to me is because i'm ticked at myself because i feel i didn't react properly.

how do you wish you had reacted?

i ask, because i think you handled it rather well, but you don't seem to agree.

i agree with earle58, i don't think i would have laughed. i don't thik i would have given a verbal response, either. the only response he would have gotten out of me would be some raised eyebrows, and a "here are your pills."

but you handled it well, especially since you didn't get the chance to think about what kind of answer you would give (like the rest of us have).

unlike many other posters, i really, really, really wouldn't have given any kind of come-back, or any kind of "thats inappropriate, mr. x." when alert people say things like this, they know it is inappropriate. they are looking to see how you will respond. they want to get you upset.

i've had patients say things like this to me from time to time. sometimes it is racial, sometimes it is mildly sexual. all i do is give them raised eyebrows and go on with my task. then i'll hear "ow, she's no fun to tease." that is correct. i'm not. i'm here to work, and take care of you. i'm not here for your amusement. (this isn't to say that i don't smile and joke around with my patients; sometimes i do. but i won't be abused).

anyway, thanks all. i'm getting an aromatherapy massage and reiki treatment later today, maybe then this will go away. lol

good for you! take care of yourself! great/healthy way to release the ignorance you experienced.

take care! :icon_hug:

Specializes in Nurse Scientist-Research.

Having a few extended relatives who sound like you patient I think I can help some. I don't think getting indignant or chastising will help. Folks like your patient don't think they are being offensive. Yes, they are bigots but he probably thought he was making nice conversation. Yes, even the comment about black men; he probably saw this as a sympathetic view. I know it's sick but I'm just saying if you go off on him or suddenly change assignments this man would be clueless as to what he said that was so offensive.

I would either leave it alone or let him know (in a nice tone of voice) that those comments are hurtful because. . .(then elaborate). I would lay money this man doesn't think he was being offensive.

To clarify; not my views; but I have relatives I had to visit at Holidays that would make comments like this and think they were being nice; I was a child and not allowed to correct the "elders".

Specializes in LTC, Med-Surg.
how do you wish you had reacted?

i ask, because i think you handled it rather well, but you don't seem to agree.

i agree with earle58, i don't think i would have laughed. i don't thik i would have given a verbal response, either. the only response he would have gotten out of me would be some raised eyebrows, and a "here are your pills."

i wish i hadn't laughed or even smiled, but i tend to laugh in situations like that. dumb habit; i know. i like your response- just giving him the raised eyebrow and his pills.

thanks again, everyone:) . you all have truly been a great help. hope that i don't have this guy (again) this weekend.

Specializes in Rodeo Nursing (Neuro).

Some "comedians" make a living on the fact that people laugh when they are shocked or embarassed.

I don't think there would be a thing wrong with asking not to be assigned this pt in the future. This is not something you should have to deal with.

I guess it's good that it isn't up to me, becuase if it was, I'd offer to call them a cab to take them to some other hospital, or else just kick them to the curb. I suppose that would be wrong, but it does seem to me that, excluding dementia, it's often the patients who aren't very sick who behave most badly.

I did once tell a DUI/MVA patient that yes, I'm fat, but he's the one tied to his bed. That was before I was a nurse, though...

Specializes in nursery, L and D.
i wish i hadn't laughed or even smiled, but i tend to laugh in situations like that. dumb habit; i know. i like your response- just giving him the raised eyebrow and his pills.

thanks again, everyone:) . you all have truly been a great help. hope that i don't have this guy (again) this weekend.

i laugh when i don't know what to say either. i try really hard not to "monday morning quaterback", but its hard not to. thinking, i should have said this or that. try to let it go, i know its hard to. i'm so sorry this happened. some people are just dumb, dumb, dumb.:madface:

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