Nursing career? Advice.

[sparkles226]

I seem to be struggling here, folks. . . I have asked friends and family but NO ONE can tell me what to do. I've been told to listen to my heart and to try different classes. I'm going nuts.

I spent 2 years (Fall 2013 - Spring 2015) completing pre-requisite courses and an internship to prepare myself for acceptance into nursing school. My grades were awesome: all A's and B's. I completed an internship at a long term care facility. My goal was to see if I liked physical therapy, occupational therapy, etc. I spent much of my time watching geraitrics receive therapy. I will admit: I was bored as hell until I opened up to the residents and the employees. It is hard for me to speak up in a brand new setting.

End of spring 2015, I received two letters of acceptance into two nursing programs I applied to. Probably one of the happiest moments of my life, I bought all my books in advance, my nursing uniform, my stethoscope and I was showing all of my family members especially my 95-year-old grandfather who was dying from dementia.

August of 2015 I started nursing school. I was not medicated for my anxiety, so it was THROUGH THE ROOF. Every morning I commuted 45 minutes, didn't eat any breakfast or drink any water and felt sick halfway through the day. Automatically programmed my mind to get the doctor to give me an accommodation for bathroom breaks because anxiety gave me stomach problems.

Once I started my clinicals, I felt incompetent, lost, and sick. It wasn't necessarily the patients that scared me, it was more me feeling like I needed to have control over everything. It was me feeling like wholy crap this is all new, and I don't feel prepared. therefore, I was not accepting to the unknown. I was running into the bathroom frequently because my stomach was terrible. I couldn't even make a bed because I was trying to memorize what the book said. When blood pressure and the start of assessments and pulse etc. rolled around I could barely get a bed bath done let alone take proper BP. That was the day I drove home and tears and told my parents I was done and I was quitting tomorrow morning. They tried to talk to me to see if they could help me but I refused and withdrew. As I drove home, I felt calm again. I walked in the door, and immediately went back to my grandfathers' room to wait for him to wake up (94 years old). When he woke up, I told him I quit nursing school. I don't remember what his response was but his aide just looked at me and said WHY? I told her I was intimidated and it is not for me. She smiled and shook her head and stayed out of it. Months passed by. My family told me I needed to finish was associate's degree at least. So I went BACK to my local community college and finished my A.S. degree with some business courses and an art course. Business courses I found boring but I did well except for law. Photography was boring but I did well. I graduated in May of 2016. Then was back to square one. What's next?

Summer 2016 I work at my family's business pretty much full time. My plan was to take the Fall semester off and work full time at my family's business, but I wasn't content with that idea. I moved out of my house for three months and lived with my aunt and uncle. I wanted to get my health under control. I started exercising and eating calories I needed to gain some weight since I was underweight from not eating because I was stressed. For three months I committed myself to gain 10 pounds. By the end of the three months, I gained 10 pounds. I was so proud of my achievement. My jeans fit nicely and my muscles were toned. I had so much energy. I was in school taking one class, working 25 hours a week, eating healthy, and exercising.

End of October, I was starting to go backward. I lost track of my eating and I was failing tests in ONE class. My aunt and uncle were leaving for Florida so I had to move back home. They were concerned about me because I was going backward. I was crying almost every day for no reason. I was missing my grandfather and really wanted to talk to him but I couldn't. I started to become bored with my part-time cashier job at my family's business because there is nothing left for there to do. I finally decided to go to the doctor to ask for help. He told me I was struggling with some mild depression. I am currently medicated for my depression. I am in a rut and I can't seem to get out. I get bored if I don't move around. I tend to clean and organize when I am bored. When I get home I talk about wanting to go back to nursing school again. I'm not sure if I think about going back to nursing school daily because I am bored with my life or because I genuinely have a desire to help others like I helped my grandfather. Regardless, I really need to get out of my house for some time to find myself. I'm supposed to go away in a couple weeks to try a new major in public policy for health education. I'm really not sure what I'm doing. I'm hoping someone who is a nurse out there can help me and offer suggestions.

[AliNajaCat]

We can't offer you any substitute for the professional therapy you need, for your anxiety, eating disorder, and need to be in control. So -- go find a good therapist and stick it out no matter how uncomfortable it makes you, because believe me, you don't sound to darn comfortable right now.

[Sour Lemon]

You don't sound stable-minded enough to make it through a nursing program at this point.

[Cat365]

First I would find a conselor. It sounds as if you need someone to talk with. If you are truly interested in becoming a nurse and bored with your current life have you considered becoming a tech or a CNA this might be a less stressful and less costly way of getting your feet wet and learning basic skills.

I agree with the above poster that you do not sound emotionally ready for nursing school at this point.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

CAUTION: A general shortage of exclamation points exists. Please report any overuse of !'s.

[sparkles226]

@Cat365

I have gone to two counselors and academic advisors. They say they can't give me an answer. I think a big part of my problem is my home life. Yes, I have considered CNA course but what deterred me was the bedside care stuff. In nursing school, from what I've heard from my fellow nursing friends, you have to get through bed baths first in order to learn the rest.

Can you clarify what you mean by "I don't sound emotionally ready for nursing. . ."

Thank you for your feedback.

[sparkles226]

@AliNajaCat

I have anxiety. I do not have an eating disorder. I do agree though that I do not have control at this time. I have been to therapists and after spending A LOT of money I did not seem to get anywhere with them.

Thank you for your feedback.

[sparkles226]

@Sour Lemon, RN

Can you clarify what you mean by "stable-minded" because I am medicated at the current time for my anxiety/mild depression temporarily.

Thank you for your feedback and advice.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

IMO, you need to get your anxiety and depression under better control before you resume the program. I would even consider taking a leave of absence, even for a semester, to do this. Right now, it doesn't sound like you're stable enough to keep up with the rigors of nursing school. If you attempt to keep plowing through nursing school without addressing these issues, you're going to keep crashing and burning...and you may not always bounce back.

As to what exactly you need to go, per the Terms of Service, we at AllNurses can not offer medical--including psychiatric--advice. You need to make an appointment with your psychiatric PCP and/or a therapist.

Many people with psych issues get through nursing school and go on to have great nursing careers...but they have their disorders under control. So don't let your anxiety/depression hold you back from what you really want to do. Get the help you need.

Best of luck to you.

[Emergent, RN]

@Cat365

Can you clarify what you mean by "I don't sound emotionally ready for nursing. . ."

Thank you for your feedback.

Your sound emotionally unready for the rigors of nursing school.

[sparkles226]

@MeriWhen

My anxiety is under control for the most part. My medication has been helping me accomplish tasks without getting distracted. I feel that it even slows my mind down. I do however understand what you mean. I can't even get into nursing school even if I wanted to for the spring semester. I'm also very isolated and plan on moving away to a four-year school to major in Public Policy with a concentration on Health Education to see if being away is what I need to find myself.

Thank you for your advice and feedback.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Or...the other thing could be that maybe you really DON'T want to go into nursing. Re-reading your posts, I get the sense that you're not 100% into it.

And that's OK. Perfectly OK. There are many other careers that you can go into that allow you to help people. Nursing is just one of them.

I do agree that you need to take some time to decide what YOU want to do...better to take that time to think about plot a course of action instead of bouncing from one thing to another.

And I still think you should check in with your psych PCP. Being medicated alone does not necessarily mean you're mentally/emotionally stable. It's clear that you're still struggling with a lot--a medication tweak and/or other treatment options (therapy, etc.) may be beneficial in helping you get through it.

Again, best of luck whatever you decide.