Nurses EAT their own!!! Help!

[jaxnRN]

I am getting very depressed. I was working in a small OB office until last October. I worked with different women and we had our days but worked things out.

Well, I started at a hospital in October, (career change) and am working in OB. But, within the first 2 hours of work, I noticed something that might be the norm to some of you.

EVERY SINGLE nurse had something bad to say about another. Whether it was about her looks, her work, her anything!!! I didn't listen, as I always form my own opinions about everyone. But the problem is getting worse. It is almost like everyone is stabbing everyone else in the back. Little things, big things. I can't take it!!!!

If someone has a problem with me, I would rather they come to my face and tell me about it. I want EVEYRONE to just get along. I want us all to be NURSES, and be at our job for the patients. To stick together, to stick up for each other. The way that doctors do. But I am learning that nurses eat their own.

I don't know what to do. I interupt someone if they start talking negative about someone else. I don't listen and if I do hear it, I ignore it. I don't put in my 2 cents.

I know that I won't fix the world with this but does anyone have this as a major problem where they work??

I don't know who to trust. A nurse the other day told me to watch out for a couple of nurses who like to report things to administration. One of the nurses I THINK is my friend. BUt now I don't know.

I can't stand the phoniness in someone's actions when two minutes before they were talking really bad about that person. It's like junior high again and I hated junior high. It is another reason that I don't have too many women friends.....which is sad.

I don't know if I am being a victim of the problem but I would like to know, I think. I just don't know if I want to work somewhere like this. What do you think???????

[Mimi Wheeze]

Yup, the cattiness goes on in any job, not just nursing. (I was a Realtor prior to starting pre-req's, you want to talk about back-stabbing and gossip)

All women are not catty and back-stabbing. I am not. I do like catrn10 does and just ignore, change the subject, use some humor, or walk away. I went to work to do my job. I just acted naive and ignorant about the gossip crap, and didn't get involved with it. After a while, people stopped spreading gossip around me, I guess I wasn't too fun to play with.

I also think women tend to talk things to death. (I'm speaking from my experience) They like to involve everybody in their problems and personal lives, most of it not appropriate on the job.

[OBNURSEHEATHER]

Originally posted by emily_mom

Then maybe not generalizing new nurses as "snot-nosed" would make me believe you.

Hmmm.... just wondering what the opposite of snot-nosed would be? Crusty?

[emily_mom]

Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER

Hmmm.... just wondering what the opposite of snot-nosed would be? Crusty?

[mario_ragucci]

People kid around about this, but it is sick and wrong to prey on the new. My mission at work is to provide excellent health care to patients and work as a team. When I was completely new, I noticed some people would take advantage of a situation with negativity and frustration. Believe me, I do a great job of being quiet and feeling like a fool when some people get all nervous and tense. It's like colateral damage. And I ain't even done anything :-(

Nursing school is a pit. There are no men instructors, and there were 6/85 men where I went.

Like a Marine has to walk the gaunlet after promotion, perhaps certain: nurses, students, health care workers figure you have to pass some kind of psychological attack, and then it's up to the local mob for you to be spared or killed. It's still kinda strange to me. If your in a situation where you DETECT you are being attacked, you have to "break the taboo" and call it.

It's sick and wrong to think a health care worker should have to be injured at work or school because of this stigma. I'm a great health care worker, and excellent future RN, because I DON'T engage in "catty" conversations, nor will I be prepared to attack back. My mind is engaged in providing care, see? I'm not the person who does well if picked on because thats how far removed I am from what it's about. Can't fault me for being the youngest in a family ill equiped to do battle emotionally. Let's all help each other and curtail our angry selfs to outside work. Please.

[mario_ragucci]

Originally posted by askater11

It's a WOMAN thing. So I've decided to join everyone at lunch but stay neutral in the backstabbing conversations. (don't say anything at all)

If you don't say anything, it's as if you are saying you applaud it. If you hear gossip, you have to say "Would you say that about me?" and if the answer is yes, then you let your feelings be known then, and start discussing something else more fun. Malicious gossip is usually perfered to constructive conversations because some peoples thoughts are destructive, and there is no way for you to know that unless you listen to your guts and heart (ewwwwww!)

[askater11]

I don't care what people think about me. I guess that's my problem.

[baseline]

This is not a woman thing or a nurse thing. It is a people thing. I agree with Stargazer completely on this one. At one place I worked, the Medics were an all male group, and they whined and fussed and tattle taled more than any group of women I had EVER dealt with. (Grammar Police!!!)

You just hit a bad group. Get out. Find a better environment or let it roll off your back.

[sanakruz, ADN]

I dont understand the phenomena but I have seen it repatedly.

I think it has something to do with lack of personal power and lack of validation of experiences and this is why it apperas to be something woman engage in more than men.

I dont care about what people think about me either, but it took me a long time to get here.

I do not want to witness the eating of young either.

I find it deeply frustrating.

[baseline]

Eating the young IS NOT UNIQUE TO NURSING!!!!!!! Trust me on this!!!!

[SmilingBluEyes]

It happens in male-dominated professions, too, you better believe it. I HATE when they say it's a female thing. THIS IS UNFAIR AND INACCURATE! I know from 10 years' experience in the military, a very OLD good ole boys' place to be.

I got by it by ignoring and refusing to participate in gossip. I did not worry what others were saying about me (and they were talking about me sometimes, I know). I did not listen when they were discussing my coworkers in any negative light. I have found the less I worry what others think, the more respect I get in the long run. You command respect by your behaviors and reactions, I believe. Another thing: I have never gone to work with the objective to make friends. That is what a homelife/churchlife/familylife are for. In the process, however, I have made some WONDERFUL and KIND friends where I work, just by being me and refusing to take part in the negative and nasty things people did and said. I really do use the old adage: "If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all". If I have a problem w/someone specific, I behave as a adult and address it with that person IN PRIVATE (to help them save face I expect the same treatment. And I usually get it. The ones who talk behind me don't worry me one bit because people know me better and I can outlast gossip.

I enjoy working much better this way. It' s how I advise you to do if you are to survive in your workplace. Rise above all this stuff! Be a beacon of positive thoughts and actions and refuse to let the negative get you down! People will find themselves drawn to you in a positive way after a while. The negative ones will leave you alone because they will see you can't be upset by them. They will get bored trying to shake you. Do all this and You will do FINE, trust me. Just be yourself. Good luck.

[Lausana]

Ditto baseline, this is a bad group...they aren't 'eating their young' she said they all do this to each other.

[researchrabbit]

All I know is that one person who talks others down tends to suck everybody else into that.

Finally learned in my early 30s that some people just like to stir the you-know-what and that I could opt out of participating...so I do.

I'll listen to someone vent about their home life, the higher-ups, life in general...but not a coworker. :)