Nurses desensitized to death?

jcbhappy · May 21, 2014

This week I have had the honor of taking care of a woman who has had a "hard" end of life. Unfortunately sometimes family is tired, caring for the elderly can be "exhausting". The hard part is.......If I have to Code her, I will puncture her heart........ I unfortunately will never be desensitized once I am home and the day is over. God Bless Us Each And Every One......

THELIVINGWORST, ASN, RN · May 21, 2014

Valar morghulis.

All men must die. Truer words indeed

OwlieO.O · May 21, 2014

I'm not even an RN yet and am already desensitized. I watched my great grandmother die when I was alone with her in a room at a SNF when I was 9. I saw the life drain from here from 5 inches away. I've watched countless patients die and have told their SOs. From the very first experience it was I was completely comfortable with everything (note, this doesn't mean I was indifferent, just professional and reserved).

OwlieO.O · May 21, 2014

Death is a fact of life. Every life ends in death. I am a pedi nurse. 4 children who I worked with in some capacity have died in the last 2 months. I did not cry about any of them nor did I feel sad. 3 out of the 4 of them had end stage cancer and there was no hope. Pursuing further treatment options to prolong the quantity of their lives without preserving the quality would have been cruel.

This.

EaglesWings21, ASN, RN · May 21, 2014

I'm not even an RN yet, but my first experience with a patient death was that it is just a part of life. Yes, it is terrible that loved ones are lost, especially at a young age. I find satisfaction knowing that I treat my patients how I would like for my own family to be treated. If they are actively dying I do what I can to keep them comfortable. If they are dead I care for the body in a respectful manner. Death is not about the nurse. When my cancer patient died on my shift my coworkers asked me if I was sad. I honestly answered no. I know when I took care of her the day before that she would be dead within 24 hours. At the end of her life, I rubbed her back and I talked to her to let her know I was there for her. Because that is who it is about; the patient and the loved ones involved.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · May 21, 2014

A patient's death is not about me, it is about the patient, the family. Being desensitized allows me to focus on what I am there for--a peaceful, pain free end for the patient, and support for the family.

Being a crying mess is not helpful to the patient or the family.

It breaks my heart when someone passes who just a few months ago were young, vital and full of life. However, you will never, ever know that.

I offer sincere condolences, a shoulder to cry on, the information a family needs going forward, do my part in aftercare. You can't maintain a theraputic relationship when you are getting emotionally involved in the specifics.

Bottom line, it is not about the nurse.

MomRN0913 · May 21, 2014

Before I became a nurse my mom died. I was 21 and she died in a drug rehab facility at 47. I was her next of kin, my parents were divorced. I had to identify her body in the morgue in the hospital( my dad did come with me). I had a nervous breakdown and almost threw up.

I graduated nursing school at 25. Who would have thought I'd become an ICU nurse taking frequent trips to the morgue after THAT?

Not or that I'm not compassionate, but the death of your own loved ones is much more different than the death of a patient. I do feel for the families . But like another poster said, when the patient dies, the last thing that death is about is me.

NurseOnAMotorcycle, ASN, RN · May 21, 2014

:nono: Desensitized does not equal lack of compassion.

I agree that I am not shocked, scared or immobilized at the sight of a dead/dying person. However, I will never lack in empathy for them or the family left behind.

The wording of your initial hypothesis seems to state that older or experienced nurses are so hardened to death that there is also no empathy for it. You would be in error.

cdsga · May 21, 2014

I can only speak for myself, I still feel a reverence at a death. It is a spiritual event in the circle of life. Nurses have a honor to witness life and death and be a part of those events. Even if someone is 98 or a stillbirth, I still get somewhat emotional. I also get emotional when I've just been talking and laughing with someone and then they die. It reminds me that life is precious and it turns on a dime, no matter what technology or treatment we may use to prevent death, it still comes. I ask myself, did I do my best in caring for this patient? Did I make their last moments as comfortable as possible? Did I connect? I have seen my share of death, and I hope to never become desensitized.