New nurse feeling hopeless

h3summers · May 19, 2017

So is it the stress of a new job and being totally on your own for the first time? Or is it just the particular field of nursing you're in at the moment? If it's the first one then it'll get easier the more you do it. It's all about confidence in yourself and your knowledge. If it's the second one then just keep reminding yourself that it's just a stepping stone. You don't have to stay there forever, just keep looking and you'll find something better. Best of luck!

Katastrophe · May 19, 2017

Thank you for replying. It's both I think, but more of the latter. I hate going into work not knowing what to expect, and on my way home in the morning I'm so sleepy I either have to nap in the parking lot in my car or risk getting into an accident. I feel like I have no life. I spend all my off time trying to get my rest back, only to be unable to sleep on the day of and the cycle continues. I'm stuck in an endless loop of misery and honestly regret choosing this career, as I cannot handle too much stress well, I guess money isn't everything if I hate my life. I would love more input from you and other nurses about future steps I can take, specialities I mentioned earlier or other opporunities more suited for me. Or even change career altogether though it's too late for that.

h3summers · May 19, 2017

When I was in a bad department at the hospital, I checked the internal employment job postings everyday and kept faith that any day a good job would pop up or at least a more interesting department and it did after about 6 months. Are you working nights? Unfortunately, that's part of nursing, the unexpected. I had that when I first went solo as a paramedic (I'm pre-nursing right now) so I totally understand that feeling of 'oh crap what do I do now?!' but it really does get easier. I used to have horrible anxiety the day before and all during my 24 hr shifts. Self doubt and all that comes with being fresh out of school. It'll happen one day. It'll become so 'routine' that you'll look up and be like 'wow I feel so relaxed right now' on shift. Also, I dedicated a lot of time after graduation studying. You got this!

JKL33 · May 19, 2017

I'm glad you posted here. First and foremost, your health and well-being is of utmost importance. Before I make any further comment, please know that if you need to talk to anyone about what you're going through, you may call 1-800-273-TALK [8255] 24/7. Since this is an internet forum we have no idea how literally we should take your words, but I would feel remiss not to strongly encourage you to reach out IRL if you are struggling with feelings of hopelessness/no hope.

In the past several years, you have embarked on the journey of learning how to be a nurse; you started as a complete novice, worked very hard and gained a ton of knowledge. You continued to climb towards a 'climax' of graduation, passing NCLEX and getting your first job. But then in starting your first professional nursing job, you experience the sensation of being thrown back to the bottom rung of the ladder as a novice again. It's scary and overwhelming to realize how much one doesn't know as a novice nurse. All of this is a roller-coaster experience that many, many of your nursing peers have experienced. It's downright rough. You asked about a light at the end of the tunnel - - there's an excellent chance that you may, one day soon, be busy going about your work day when you suddenly realize you're handling your assignment a little better than you were a couple of weeks ago....then starting to actually feel quite a bit more confident than you recently remembered feeling....things just start to get better with each day.

Major life changes and significant stressors can sometimes be associated with clinical depression; situational depression. While we/I would not offer this as a diagnosis, I firmly believe it is a possibility worth discussing with your PCP before trying to decide whether you've made a huge mistake in choosing your career.

Best wishes...be very good to yourself - you do deserve that.

Orca, ADN, ASN, RN · May 25, 2017

It isn't unusual to feel lost when you enter a new profession. The way that things worked out, I went straight from nursing school into a charge position. I immediately had people looking to me for direction, when I had no idea what direction we were going. To top it off, it was a new unit, and nobody on it knew any more about what we were doing than I did. Those were interesting times, definitely in the "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" category.

I would start with talking to your doctor about the sleep issue. It could be that a prescription sleep aid would help you to get more rest. Starting the day out tired does nothing to help your disposition, it dulls your thinking and it makes it harder to function. You might also talk to your nurse manager about getting additional orientation. Take a look at relaxation techniques, to help you unwind after you get home.

Katastrophe · May 27, 2017

Thank you for the number, I did have a history of being on anti-depressants, but last year I went back to China to visit family, forgot to bring them, and stopped taking them ever since. Not that they did much for me to begin with anyway. I hate the thought of having to go back on medication again just because of this job. And last night I cried for 2 hours straight and this morning as soon as I woke up I was crying because I'm working today and tomorrow. Really wished I had any other skills or talent that I enjoyed so I can actually feel like life has something good to offer. I've never called a number like that before, not quite sure how it works. Do I just start spilling my guts out or do they ask me questions?

Katastrophe · May 27, 2017

Thank you for commenting. I haven't really had the chance to look for a new PCP since my insurance changed due to work, I couldn't even see my therapist anymore because of it. But as for the sleeping issue I'm planning to try more things. Just bought some sleepytime tea which I'll try out after my next shift, and maybe buy those blackout curtains to simulate nighttime. Though these are all a means to an end. I'm introverted so if I had any knowledge with computers or online businesses I'd totally be doing that, working from home instead. But I don't and don't know how/where to learn.

JKL33 · May 28, 2017

Thank you for the number, I did have a history of being on anti-depressants, but last year I went back to China to visit family, forgot to bring them, and stopped taking them ever since. Not that they did much for me to begin with anyway. I hate the thought of having to go back on medication again just because of this job. And last night I cried for 2 hours straight and this morning as soon as I woke up I was crying because I'm working today and tomorrow. Really wished I had any other skills or talent that I enjoyed so I can actually feel like life has something good to offer. I've never called a number like that before, not quite sure how it works. Do I just start spilling my guts out or do they ask me questions?

Good to hear from you again, Katastrophe.

The folks on the phone are for anyone to talk to. Just tell them you are struggling and share what you feel like sharing; they are there to listen! They may ask some questions too....but the main thing is you don't need to worry about what to do when you call, they are committed to helping people who are struggling.

I hope you can find a new PCP soon also. Would it be worth it for now to make an appointment with your previous PCP, even if not covered by your new insurance?

nutella, MSN, RN · May 28, 2017

I think there are several things going on. One is that you are new to the job and just off orientation - I would say that it takes at least 6 months to get somewhat the hang of it and for the first year most new grades continue to adjust and feel related stress - crying is the usual go. There are just so many things to adjust to and to learn....

The stress related to a adjusting to a new job will lessen after one year and after 2 years it should be much better!

If you are also suffering from depression though that will make everything much much harder. When we are depressed, our stress tolerance goes way down and the ability to deal with stress can disappear. The problem is that a person could be okish being depressed and getting through everything but once the stress picks up (now off orientation/ more stress), it does not work anymore.

And you work night shift, which is tough on your biorhythm but there is not always a choice about that...

It might be good to consider seeing a MH specialist if you are depressed.

Perhaps you have to look for a job that is less stressful /different hours/different setting if it is not possible for you to do the job and be "ok".

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · May 28, 2017

My first year was miserable too, with sleeplessness and dread before every shift. I was only casual, so that helped, and I took university courses towards my BSN at the time. If you could reduce your hours temporarily for health reasons, would that take the pressure off? Unfortunately, the only way out is through.

calivianya, BSN, RN · May 28, 2017

The being so tired you can barely drive home part is concerning for me.

Honestly, that may be a big part of a lot of this - just like with being depressed, handling any sort of stress at all is very, very difficult if you're not getting adequate sleep. It is not normal to be that tired after a 12 hour shift, even a night shift. I have worked 12 hour nights for all four years as a nurse and I have never experienced that kind of being tired.

I know it's hard to fall asleep when you're anxious and upset about something, and I'm wondering if being that upset is interfering with you getting a full eight hours of sleep before work.

Start taking sleep aids if you haven't already. You might find that things become just a little more bearable if you have adequate rest before you go in to work. Take a sleep aid every day at the same time so your body gets in the habit of sleeping at that particular time.

Don't flip back to day schedule on your days off. I personally try to sleep during the day all of the time when I'm not in school. I'm off work tonight - I just woke up at 7 PM, and I don't plan on going to sleep until at least 9 AM tomorrow morning. I'm off tomorrow also and I plan to sleep the same way. Switching back and forth is much more difficult on your body than sleeping the same time of day every day, whatever time of day it happens to be. It sucks to do that when you have a significant other, but your boyfriend can always have breakfast with you in the morning before you fall asleep and then hang out in the evening with you while you're awake.

Good luck!