Katastrophe

It makes me sad thinking I have to go back to medication again just because of how much this job is killing me. In fact just thinking how much longer I have to pull through to reach the year mark makes me feel sick and I'm crying as I type this. Reading all your comments are encouraging, but at the same time can't help but think I will not make it, I can't even make it to the next shift. I don't think I'm having full blown suicidal thoughts, no actual plans. But I do wished I'd get into car accidents all the time. I see no light at the end of the tunnel and all I do now is cry all day at how bleak my situation is. And how all of you very lovely and encouraging people who wants me to pull through one year will be disappointed when I don't. It's a no win situation. Everyday closer to my workday, I get more and more depressed and cry more, then the cycle begins again. I know many of you will hate me for saying this, but to me all of this is very real, not made up, not exaggerated, and again not disrespectful towards nursing as a profession in any way.

I might be one of those burnt out nurses and leave very soon. The patients and night shift could contribute to the stress, but I think the core problem is not enjoying the job at all. I am very grateful for your advice though. I don't think my hospital has any programs like that, as they are quite stingy. But your words are very encouraging thank you :) however, this is just in case of worst case scenario, would you guys be just as encouraging if I really did decide to quit nursing? I know I should push through at least 6 months, but I honestly feel like going to death row every shift, considering my already existing mental health issues, I am VERY doubtful how many more shifts I can tolerate. I apologize for being so pessimistic, I still have so much respect for nurses and nursing in general, but I'm thinking it's destroying me more and more.

Comparing to the stress I'm feeling now, nursing school felt like a breath of wind to me. No actual patient responsibilities or job security to worry about. And I'm better at being a test taker than actually working as a nurse anyway. There are a million other things to keep up and keep in mind while actually working. I don't have to talk to patients, coworkers, or doctors and be professional. Trying to find other opporunities on Indeed.com is just depressing, every potential change I look at requires at least one year acute experience. No new grads will be considered. Even as someone with a long history of depression, I never thought I would hit this low as far as my mood about life would go. I do indeed feel incredibly stuck. My friend suggested I work as medical assistant or pharmacy tech, yet she doesn't understand when I explained it doesn't make sense to go back to school for 10 months just so I can earn a third of what I earn now, and how much of a dumbass (excuse my language) I'd seem to other people. However, nutella (love the name btw, you're making me hungry), thanks a million for saying that it is acceptable, I know many experienced nurses would not like the idea of a new grad quitter.

I believe if I find something I actually enjoy doing, any "pain" or hard work won't even feel like that. I talked to my parents separately about this. My mom basically just said to tough it up because everybody's life has hardships, and many are worst off than me. But my dad's response was similar to yours. He said health and happiness comes first, it's never too late to learn something new, even from scratch. Life should be enjoyed and it's ok to stop and take time off to find out what I really like to do. Such different responses I don't know who to listen to.

I've had melatonin suggested to me as well but unsure how long it takes to work, now I know its 30min-1 hr so thank you for that information. A thousand kudos to you and all other nurses who actually pulled through. Kind of scared of try psych though, haven't learned much about it at school, and I've mentione prior I have social anxiety and is pretty soft spoken. I think those psych patients might overpower me in a heartbeat.

First off thank you for not judging me. The depression is exacerbated by work though, and back when I was on medications I was taking 40mg Celexa (max dose) and 150mg Welbutrin, I'm pretty sure I'm just not sensitive to medication because neither helped, and I have not the time nor money to keep trying new meds. My conundrum is afraid I'll regret quitting this early, but also regretting not quitting soon enough if I were able to find something I loved. Wished I had a time machine but I believe the concept of time travel is impossible according to some ooey gooey physics stuff.

I envy you so much, I can only dream of sleeping 8 hours. Even when I was on day shift for orientation, I can sleep a max of 7 hours if I have work next day. I don't live with my boyfriend so that part's no go And it's not like I can barely drive home in the morning, it's that I cannot make it home AT ALL! 30 miles away and I MUST sleep in a parking lot somewhere in between or there will be an accident. As soon as I start involuntarily swerving lanes I knew I had to pull over asap.

Would that look bad on my records? That I just started and I'm already asking to work part time?

One year seems so long, that's why I'm losing hope. It's only been 3 months and I'm collapsing into myself. I never knew how badly I dealt with unwanted stress. Guess I should have known my own personality a little better instead of trying to prove I can do this job, to prove I'm someone I'm not. Should have just accepted I'm introverted, likes to work alone, ok with fast paced but this is too much.

I actually have texted my previous therapist (not PCP) regarding an appt next week, though I doubt she'll have an immediate opening. I'll have to pay $90 out of pocket cash for each appt but at this point I'm desperate. I'm even desperate enough to (yes I am prepared for the judgements) quit nursing altogether. I know a lot of people will call me a coward, weakling, quitter, that I'm not strong enough and ends up quitting 3 months into my job when other people have gone through the same thing and pulled through. But like I said, I have a history of depression, social anxiety (why did I choose nursing then? I don't think I thought it through at the time tbh), and crying so many times everyday and wishing I had a stroke (not likely at my age) or get into a car accident and have my leg broken instead of going in to work. The very thought of it is sickening to the point of crying. I understand it's a difficult and stressful job, but that to me does not seem normal reaction. For a long time I had wished I had creativity, a passion for art or something so I know how it's like to do something I love. My closest friend is an art major and she loves her life even though schoolwork is hard and hours are long. I'm so jealous.

Thank you for commenting. I haven't really had the chance to look for a new PCP since my insurance changed due to work, I couldn't even see my therapist anymore because of it. But as for the sleeping issue I'm planning to try more things. Just bought some sleepytime tea which I'll try out after my next shift, and maybe buy those blackout curtains to simulate nighttime. Though these are all a means to an end. I'm introverted so if I had any knowledge with computers or online businesses I'd totally be doing that, working from home instead. But I don't and don't know how/where to learn.

Thank you for the number, I did have a history of being on anti-depressants, but last year I went back to China to visit family, forgot to bring them, and stopped taking them ever since. Not that they did much for me to begin with anyway. I hate the thought of having to go back on medication again just because of this job. And last night I cried for 2 hours straight and this morning as soon as I woke up I was crying because I'm working today and tomorrow. Really wished I had any other skills or talent that I enjoyed so I can actually feel like life has something good to offer. I've never called a number like that before, not quite sure how it works. Do I just start spilling my guts out or do they ask me questions?

Thank you for replying. It's both I think, but more of the latter. I hate going into work not knowing what to expect, and on my way home in the morning I'm so sleepy I either have to nap in the parking lot in my car or risk getting into an accident. I feel like I have no life. I spend all my off time trying to get my rest back, only to be unable to sleep on the day of and the cycle continues. I'm stuck in an endless loop of misery and honestly regret choosing this career, as I cannot handle too much stress well, I guess money isn't everything if I hate my life. I would love more input from you and other nurses about future steps I can take, specialities I mentioned earlier or other opporunities more suited for me. Or even change career altogether though it's too late for that.

Hello all, I'm a new grad nurse and been working at my first job at a tele floor for almost 3 months now and recently working on my own without a preceptor on night shifts. I'm not feeling too great about this job/career as I'm an introvert and I never knew I couldn't handle all this stress. I dread going to work starting the day before, and the daytime before my night shift starts I try to sleep but can't due to stress and anxiety. I didn't even realize until my boyfriend pointed out that I would cry everyday before my shift and even the day before. I'm really feeling hopeless, I have no energy, no life, no hope. There's nothing else I can do in nursing because everything else requires 1 yr experience minimum. I'm only in my twenties but feel like there's nothing I'm passionate about because I've spent the past 3 years in nursing school and that's all I know. I wish I would at least have a future career goal that I love so working towards that wouldn't seem so bad. I thought about GI lab or aesthetics nurse. What else that can be relatively low stress and better work hours? I don't mind working with computers but informatics nurse requires a masters and many years of experience I think. Please let me know there's light at the end of the tunnel.